Dani-isms
Dani-ism: When Dani does odd things that normal society would shun but gets away with it because... Well... She's Dani.
At Stop and Shop, making snarkily clever comments to my mom. Cashier girl giggles entire time. Shyly tells me I'm funny before we leave.
I still got it.
Just remembered that Voldemort is the Red Dragon. Started screaming. The doctor walked in. I stopped and looked out the window to avoid the awkward staring.
Just read the story of Rumplestiltski
n to my little sister until she fell asleep..
*tear*
*tries to read a comic about Norse Mythology*
*Quits because they use text talk and broken Japanese*
*Summing up Tom Hiddleston's Henry V with Steff*
Listen here, Booooshwa, if that is your reaaall name. I'ma rape all yo bitches, I'ma kill all yo men, I'ma stab all yo babies, and I'ma make yo mama's watch. Come at me bro.
Ronan, I am your Olympic hat wearing mom dad grandfather uncle who indeed wears skates
Dei:So everytime you come over to visit, I should brace myself for a family gathering?
Me: Yes. In your case I would be your wife husband dad brother. I also just realized that only one of these things require me to be female.
Dei:I'm not following this family tree..
Me: Neither am I. I just know that I indeed wear skates.
Dei: I feel like I'm reading a Dr. Seuss book..
Me: This is one fucked up Dr. Seuss book...
Sometimes, I like calling him Tom Marvolo Hiddles.
He is the Dark Lord… Of Perfection.
“Fan Girls… The ovaries who lived… Come to die…”
*Info: Kiskades is a coffee shop near my house)
Dei: I'm going to savers.n friendlies. hopefully.
Me:Bring me back a souvenir :D
Dei: I'll save you a salt shaker from friendlies, its symbolic. So whenever you look at the salt shaker, you'll think of me and my fat Shakira ass lol
Me: Oh the symbolism. I'll write vintage poetry and portray it with a cigarette and a cardigan at Starbucks.
Dei: Shake it like a salt shakaaahh.
Me: I'll put all my feelings and stuff into it.
Dei: Wait.. That sounds more like Kiskades,not starshmucks lol
Me: But Starschmucks is where the scenehipsters go for our 17 dollar venti mocha chai vanilla double espresso frappe with whipped cream and seasalt caramel and to look emotional and misunderstood by our parents.
Dei: THATS KISKADES!
Everyone stop what you're doing and swallow a spoonful of peanut butter/nutella whole and tell me how it feels.
Weird is the correct answer.
*talking about how why don't people eat ham sometimes*
Sora: it's because they are the closest to humans. Babies taste like sausage, adults take like pork.
Meg: So that's why zombies like us so much...
Me: See? Then me and zombies have something in common! Now we have something to talk about!... if they are like... 30 feet away. And chained up. Preferably with a bag over their head... and they can't see me. And there's a wall in between us. You know, that'll be nice. Ill talk to a wall.
*tells my friend that I won't have my phone so he can't text me until later*
Friend: Good thing I didnt send you that dick shot.
Me: Oh my god.... I imagine my mom bursting through the door "DANIEELLLLAAAAA!! SOME BOII SENT JU A DEECK! SOME BOII SENT JU A DEECK! Who ees dis boy? Why did ju not tell me you had a boyfrrriend?! Whas hes name? Where'd you meet heem? Are ju getting married????? TELL MEEEE"
Hm. I'm lonely. Perhaps I should invite someone over! Let me just tex-... oh.... Wait! I could just ca-... Oh..
I'm watching Thor and getting emotional again.
Prepare yourselves. My next million thoughts will be about it.
Thor, you're like a gabillion years old already. You've known Loki for a gabillion years. He's the god of lies, man. Why do you trust him with this shit.
Volstagg, that's a gross looking sandwich. Pineapples don't need salt.
Why does Loki continuously lift is his head and expose his neck? Like, I get it in Avengers. He's pompous and an asshole. But Thor just basically said "Loki shut yo trap". Why is this necessary?
Can my room look like the Bifrost, please?
I want Sif's trenchcoat.
I wonder if it feels like you're flying on the Rainbow bridge, or is it pulling you.
I see where Loki gets his looks... Laufey is a sexy beast.
Also Hannibal. Either way, his dads are yum.
And it's like your ears are having sex with his voice.
Meg: What if 2012 happened and that's what the Walking Dead's other half of 3 is about.
Me: THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT BY PART TWOOOOOO
*meg and I talking about wacky facts*
Meg: The US government reserves the right to change and control the weather during warfare.
Me: ... Government... Government hunny... We need to talk sweetie..
Steff: I have a Rosetta Stone so that I can learn to speak another language.
Me: Ooh... *picks up box* ... You're learning to speak douche?
Steff: Wha-... No Dani... Deutsch.
Me: OHHHHH
Steff BG and I's daily song list:
Murder/Angry song: Strawberry Fields Forever
Cannibal song: Kidnap The Sandy Claws (Korn version)
Flail around song: I've Got A Jar Of Dirt
Cool kid/cooking song: I Wear My Sunglasses At Night
I had a dream.
It was so freaky! Like there were these girls who were our friends, but they were like my age and they had angel wings... And they did these freaky zombies crawls through the sidewalk but they sounded like robots and everyone watched.. And then Dane and I were going home but we were lost, and one of the angel wing girls was with us, so he said "I'd give anything to find our street." And all of a sudden the girl was ripped into the shadows. And I was like "WTF" But he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and made me keep walking like he knew what was going on...
And Agent Coulson was there. I think he was my dad.
I watched the Superman trailer.
I don't want to watch it because it looks far too serious and emotional.
At least with Avengers you have Tony making witty remarks at inappropriate times.
And Loki being confused as to what "performance issues" means.
So apparently I'm polite in my sleep. My little sister sneezed and I said bless you. In my sleep.
Rock-a-bye Jackie, on the bed top
When the cannibals get here, the bodies will drop
When the bodies awaken the zombies will moan
and all throughout America they shall all roam
Sleep little Jackie, The Dani will save
And take you away to Europe which we will enslave
And when the people rebel, their organs will hold
A grand feast for us on tables of gold
A lullaby for my friend Jackie.
I'd be thrilled if he got my letter.
I'd be astonished if he knew who I was.
I'd be ecstatic if we were acquaintances.
I'd be flabbergasted if we were friends.
And I'd be dreaming if we were in love.
*le sigh*
*I'm pretending to be Loki and my friend is pretending to be Thor*
Loki: Join my army!
Thor: No.
Loki: ... Fine, I'll just get all of Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr.
Thor: I'll still beat you.
Loki: No, cause you only have myspace.
Poem for my Kitty-cat XD
For I have never known a love
As true as she
Who's voice is like angels
Aloft on a tree
Who holds my heart tender
Away from the cold
And who enters my Hell
So brave and so bold
Darling, my angel, don't let the holy steer
You away from the demon you dare hold so dear
Perhaps in heaven, you'll live a sweet dream
But here, besides me, you'll be my sweet Queen.
Poem for my AylaMae :3
I am nothing but a shell
A demon sent from hell
Without my lovely angel
Who's name's a chiming bell.
And no satin, string, or silk
No gold could cause me guilt
To say no to my lovely Angel
Made of star dust and cloud milk.
(Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey jr and Tom Hiddleston)
OMG THE PAIRING NAMES. Chris Hevans and Tobert Diddleston.
Gather around children... And let me sing you a Christmas song....
On this, the day of Christmas
My brother left to meeeeee
12 loads of dishes
11 pounds of cat poop
10 ash trays scattered
9 gutted mice
8 feet of tape
7 Satan headaches
6 starving animals
5 ROOMS THAT SMELL LIKE PUUUKE
My own room is a mess
There's caked on cereal
I feel like killing people
Oh look SOOOME ONE PUKED IN THE TREEEEEE.
I saw Le Miserables. I laughed psychotically and cried like a man.
When it becomes part of my backpack, it becomes part of my life. And thus, part of me.
Older sister: Me: "You should cut your hair really short! It would look so good if it were a bob!"
Dani: "Naah I don't like bobs"
Me: "But it would look so gooood"
Dani: "Never"
EXPLAIN
Me: Simple, my precious child. It's not a bob.
Ayla is telling me a story about her fan fiction, translated in Ghetto lingo.
I GOT MY FIRST NOSE BLEED!!!!! YES!
To anyone that ever wonders/gets annoyed from how much I talk about Tom Hiddleston, let me give you some light on the subject. I have no romance in my life. Like ever. So, to make up for that, I have a teenage crush over him, for he will never know that I do, or who I am for that matter. So please. For the sake of me not glaring at you. Let me rant and giggle over him in peace and stop yelling at me whenever I do.
Person: *gets me present*
Me: Is it Batman?!
*me and a friend are looking at pictures of friends cosplaying with blood*
Sora: She's sexy as fuck, right?
Me: Yeah... I always find it weirdly sexy when sexy people are covered in blood. When Tom was covered in blood in Henry the V, you should have seen my ovaries. You couldn't. Cause they weren't there.
I just realize that the useless things I remember about our friendship makes me seem really creepy...
Ryan: such as?
Me: Knowing that our friendship anniversary is July 16th, that our longest conversation lasted 2 hours and 29 seconds, and that our longest conversation before that lasted 6 minutes and 34 seconds. Also, our shortest conversation lasted 13 seconds.(phone conversations)See? Creepy. Even writing it makes me feel creepy
Do you think Tony Stark called the element he created TiTONYum?
Hulk's skin is green
Captain's suit is blue
Yes sir, I'll kneel.
I live to serve you.
May the moon always glow, may the sun always shine,
But by God, I'll only be happy if you become mine.
(Our new obsession is BBC's Sherlock. I'm Moriarty, Meg is Sherlock.)
Megan:Damn you Moriarty.
Me: You LOVE me.
Megan: Not at the moment.
Me: Keep telling yourself that. In the mean time, hows about I tell you a story?
Megan: Do it.
Me: This is the story of SherlockStiltskin.
Once upon a time there was a lovely daughter of a merchant named Irene.
Megan: Hmm...
Me: Her father had lied to the king to make himself seem more important. He told him that Irene could make any man beg on his knees...
In reality, Irene was a subtle girl, young and afraid.
The king called for the girl and locked her away in a tower. He told her that if she didn't make the first man that came in the morning beg on his knees, he'd kill her.
The poor girl was so afraid... But suddenly! A strange little man came into the tower. He told her that, in exchange for her phone, he would tell her how to make the man beg. She complied.
In the morning, Irene choked the man on the wall until he begged on his knees for more.
Meg: I do not like this story.
Me: The king was impressed! He locked her back in the tower and told her to do the same thing, but this time, with a woman. Again, the little man came and said he could help her. But she'd have to give him her dress. So she did. The next morning, little miss Irene dragged her nails down the woman's back and made her beg for more.
The king decided that Irene would be his personal mistress.... If. She could do it one more time... She'd have to make a young prince named John Watson beg on his knees..
Megan: I'mma slap you.
Me: Once again, she was in the tower. The little man came and said "I can't help you with this one." "Why?" She asked. "Because John Watson is my beeessst friend." He responded. "But I can get you out of here, if you can make me beg."
Lucky enough for Irene, she simply had to kiss the little strange man, and he was on his knees...
So the next morning, Irene went to breakfast and pulled out a gun! John got on his knees and begged for his life. Irene lowered the gun to his head and- Gasp! Who was there in front of him? Why none other than the little strange man! "She's a liar!" he yelled. "I told her everything she needed to know! She's not a dominatrix! She can't get anyone to beg on their knees!"
Now Irene didn't like being called out.
So what did she do?
She shot everyone in the castle.
The end. <3
"The first thing Darcy realized when she woke was that the back of her head was killing her. She felt the base of her head to feel a slight lump that hurt to touch. She imagined it looked like a potato, but it was just slightly raised."
The first thing that came to mind was that it looked like Loki's face on the back of her head.
This conversation just happened.
Me: what if Loki called his penis an instrument cause he didn't know the word penis?
Me(as Loki) : are you ready for my intrument?
Me(as person) : Your instrument? You mean your penis?
Loki: .... Penis?
Person: Yeah, penis. You know. Your dick. Your junk.
Loki: .... I like the word instrument.
Person: No, it makes me feel like I'm playing the flute.
Loki: Well you're blowing on something.
The Host before me is fascinating.
A masculine beauty, I'm sure
A quirk and a brain, a lovely new friend
Perhaps is not just only in lore?
Your guest is one of odd traits.
Such as her mind in all states.
A top hat, a suit, and a monocle too
Almost made her be fashionably late.
So perhaps a question to start
A friendship one could hope would be
Does an introduction like this
Cause sudden interest
Or does it, good sir, repel thee?
I used this to introduce myself.
ASFHASLFHASLKFHASF YOU GUYS I HAD ANOTHER REALIZATION!!!!
Tom Hiddleston (Aka Perfection) and Anthony Hopkins (Aka Older Perfection) were in a movie together acting with each other and talking and-
I'm sorry, the caller you have reached is unavailable. Please call back when she stops foaming at the mouth.
Out of all the things I could possibly get competitive about, I get competitive over being the most gentlemanly.
I want to cosplay as Jeremy Renner cosplaying as Hawkeye from the comics and run around screaming "THIS IS WHAT HIS OUTFIT SHOULD LOOK LIKE!!! I told you, If I'm going to be Clint, I want a purple tunic and a GIANT FRICKEN "H" ON MY FOREHEAD!"
NEW THEORY.
Okay, so taking The Walking Dead Zombies, the virus destroys most of your brain and leaves the core where your most basic skills to survive are left, while still being a mindless lump yes?
The way the zombies are, they shouldn't be able to climb, walk up stairs, open doors or anything.
What if, because the core of the brain is still on, your soul is semi attatched to the body? Like a bound soul? They say everything that makes you, you is gone and what's left is primial survival. What if that's why some of them can do those things?
New favorite song. Only because there is a guy in a dress and I want to do terrible things to all the band member's bums.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbTAMzgC7uU
I want to sodomize him.
I want to sodomize him too.
Aww! I wana sodomize hiiim!
Fuck it.
I'm going to sodomize all of them.
Ass Hat - noun - The term giving to one who is being a jerk, but in a lovable manner. Or someone who is so amazing and perfect, you are angry at them for being amazing and perfect. It is also a term given to a hat that causes you to become an Ass Hat.
Tony Stark is an Ass Hat.
Tom Hiddleston is also an Ass Hat.
Dani Diaz owns the Ass Hat, thus making her an Ass Hat.
*Me and Meg are talking about Gay porn*
Meg: And then the police guy shoved his hand up the prinsoner's ass and pulled out coke.
Me: What?! Does his ass think it's a refrigerator?! Go home ass, you're drunk.
Meg: ... What?
Me: Wait. The soda?
Meg: What?! No, you dumbass. The drug!
Me: OHH! I thought that he reached into his ass and pulled out a can of coke!
*we both laugh heartily and don't even question our friendship*
So I've decided that when I get married, my cake will have a shit ton of zombies on it, and the topper will be me being the final sacrifice with whom ever I'm marrying being a zombie. FOR LOVE.
I only trust others who deal in the fine arts of Hattery.
For some reason, being sick made my ears enhance the hearing ability.
I type really loud.
Haha, okay Satan. I'll admit it. The plague is a great gag gift. But how's about next time we don't give it to me, hm?
With my shower, one centimeter too far and I'm a tree caught in Mordor, or I'm stuck on Delta Vega with out a parka.
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
Stop what you're doing and take a second to imagine this.
What if Tom H. was super ticklish?
All you'd hear for hours is "Ehehehehehehehheheheheheheheheheh"
*looks at the clock*
4:54. Time to put on pants.
I don't drink no Alizé. But bitches do.
My translation: I'll make sure to have the Alizé.
Because, personally, I do not partake in the consumption of Alizé. But my feminine counterparts with questionable morals do.
I now own a Cat Calender.
I feel like this is oddly inappropriate because I lo-OMG SPIFFY YOU'RE JUST LAYING ON MY BED LIKE A CUTIEMUFFIN WHOS THE BESTEST CAT IN THE WO- love dogs.
I forgot that Loki can speak Allspeak. That makes the Germany scene much more clear.
Apparently, I should be part of the Avengers world. While getting a CT scan, the doctor told me that I needed to remove my piercings so that there was no interference. I guess I questioned where the Tesseract was.
*Isn't paying attention to Avengers*
*hears "And they will never go away..."*
*instantly spins around to watch Loki yell at Natasha*
I just ate the weirdest chocolate cake to ever exist. It tastes of seafood, cookies, smothered in chocolate pudding.
Never leave Dani to her own thoughts. Lest she actually begin to think about them.
Different ways I express the buttocks.
BUTT - When it's overly blunt and obvious. Example:
I see London
I see France
I'm staring at your butt.
Bum: My preferred way of referring to the buttocks because it's my favorite. Example:
Awww! Lookitcha bum!
Ass - (pronounced usually with a thick accent.) The (usually joking) insult. Example:
You is such an ass.
I've created a new emotion.
Matovad.
It's Mad, hate, love, and sad in one emotion.
It's the emotion I feel when I'm sad because of Tom, but thinking about Tom makes me happy so I'm stuck in this emotion void that is expressed through a small, spaced out smile.
I think I have 3 friends named Tony now and everytime someone mentions any of them, I automatically assume they are talking about Tony Stark.
And then I have to remember I'm not actually friends with Tony Stark.
And I get sad.
Dani-ism
Dani-ism 2
Dani-ism 3
Dani-ism 4
Dani-ism 5
Dani-ism 6
Dani-ism 7
Dani-ism 8
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