[No way]'s diary
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<br>Why, do I try?
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<br>I'm so tired.
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<br>._.
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<br>I wish. On a star. For a special someone, just for me.
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<br>Because I'm not strong enough.
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<br>I want to hurt myself. And...I hope I don't because people will be dissappointed in me, and I don't even want them to notice me in the first place. ._.<br>
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<br>If I love her, then why do I reach for someone else?
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<br>And tell her, how much I love her?
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<br>I am trying to do what I think is best...For the one I love.
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<br>Because, I don't matter.
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<br>But I am not intelligent. And I never will be. I am trying to see with the help of someone I want to be with forever. I need her. Right now. Please.<br>
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<br>I need someone to hear me. To understand. For once.
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<br>Maybe I will talk to someone. For once. Really talk. <br>Maybe someday.
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<br>I hate everything I am. What I stand for. Scratch that, I don't think I stand for anything. ._. I'm not looking for sympathy. This is called a journal. Where people talk. .-.
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<br>I started a journal a few minutes ago, and of course I clicked a button on accident and it dissappeared..
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<br>Today, I had to keep myself busy, because I know, that if I stopped, that something bad would happen. And I don't want people to know about me. ._. But God...I need her.
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<br>A truth is.. I have never been truly a part of anything. And that's okay. I don't think I ever will. I don't fit in. I'm not really worth that and, I can deal with it. ._. I dunno what I'm trying to say..I wish I could get it out.
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Got band shirts today... And practice ended at 6 instead of 8. I am really upset because Mrs.Peters won't give me an answer..I don't know if I can stay in ColorGaurd..I hope she will let me march my bass. Which I am happy :3 because yesterday mom brought home my new baby. I'm not sure if it's a boy or girl yet so I can't name it. She's only been rented once before and she plays great. =]Why are there people that make you so uncomfortable? I already don't like myself as it is...I don't need other people to make me feel that way. ;_;
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School starts soon...Can I handle it?Missing: </i>
I miss my baby boy Aja. I hope he will return to me.
Closing your eyes you soon will see,
What my life will truly be.
Alone in life that's what I am,
Given without a chance.
Brain churning,
Body melting.
My soul is black,
Soon ready to attack...
grr....I can't remember the rest. Some random thing I wrote...A good while ago. yeah.so,mmhmm.
hm...just thought of a little...Final
My black wings spread in harmony...um..
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I cared too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I'm Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'cuz you came around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cuz you can't hold all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is...
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I cared too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I cared too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You should've never come around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cuz you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I cared too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I cared too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
*sigh* i am such a hopeless romantic....
pitiless love why must you leave your mark upon my memory?