Dear Journal,
Nothing much to talk about today terriably sorry. Nothing much is really happening except panic because of hurrican katrina so hope to see you soon if i don't get blown away.

Dear Journal,
 Life, love, happiness always seems to be the hardest pleasures in life to achieve. We've become so distant from one another that falling in love seems almost impossible these days. And when you do fall in love you grab on so hard that you smuther it and then you begin to hate him and every simple pleasure he or she once gave. We spend all our time looking for happiness and love that we've forgotten what it is or even what it felt like once upon a time. Though that's what happens when you crave for something so badly it becomes an obessision. A friend once told me
Love and Happiness is in the eye of the beholder not those who seek.
I never knew what that meant but these days it's almost impossible for me not to remeber and know. I"m not going to tell you what it means for me instead i'm going to leave you with your own thoughts on it.

Sammie Joe
aka Ayeonna

Dear...
  Memories pounding my mind like raindrops on a patio on a stormy day.

   When a person goes through tough times people in good manner try to offer advice, such as; What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, We've all been there you'll get through this, Or my personal favorite; Just think of the good times not the bad. Though what do you do when you wake up and realize one day that the bad out weighs the good by a tremendous amount. An amount that you yourself cant measure.
 When my sister went to T.X for a year she told me before she left that if i missed her or wanted to talk to her to look up at the moon and she would be there smiling back. I believed her and so everynight i would go to my window and tell my sister how my day went and how much i missed her and wished she would come back home although i never did see her. Then again she told me that just for comfort though at 6 years old i believed i would see her like a child waits up for santa clause on christmas eve.
Later on i realized all of it. My sister was gone a lot and the worst part about all of it was that she was the only one who would stand up for me to my father. I love my mother i do but back then she was useless she was so wrapped up in him that she couldn't see how much he was hurting jen and i. Then again who did.
At 8 years old i was planning my suicide. Jen was gone by that point married and was preganant. That marriage didn't last long. Then she met another man about a year later got married again and then moved down to florida where i currently reside.
When she moved down to florida my fathers beating became worst. At this poing it didn't matter what i did he could find anything to beat me for. Leaving an outside door (that had no affect on the inside) slightly open was good enough for him to try and put my head through a slidding glass door. My mother came in yelling at him to stop but he was already warn out and done, so was the damage. When i was twelve my house key was stollen at school. Stupidly i thought he would understand though in the back of my head i knew that he would beat me for this as well. When we got home the yelling was done though the beating was next. I was to hold one to the table while my father took a brand new leather belt out from the loops of his pants and beat me till i was bruised, i didn't blead thank god not until it was done otherwise it would have been worst. By the time he was done the brand new belt looked as if it were ten years old. The first ten lashes hurt beyond your belief though after that i dulled out the pain with thoughts of better days that wouldn't come until i was much older. I have a scar on my back from my father now. He now begs me on a constant basis for forgivenss. He might be my father though in my oppinion he's just a sperm donor. He might have been there to see me speak my first words and watch me walk and rock me to sleep but the damage he caused to my fragile young mind over bares the good he could ever possibly do for me now and then.
                                                This is the first time i have ever really truly spoken or wrote about this. So if it is hard to read forgive me but it was harder to write.
If you are currently in a situation like was in get help because the abuse that you recieve now may seem bad though the after affects are like the damage caused after a hurricane they never really go away. You can try and rebuild and put the destruction in the back of your head but the memory of it and the terror of it will always be there waiting for another chance to drag you down.

Dear Diary,
  My life is in shambles right now. My Mother and Father split up a couple of months ago, i'm not upset about that in fact i'm happy that they did, I hate my father, he's abusive, and mentally damaging. Anything that could go wrong in my life did, and he was always behind it in some way.
 Not only have they split up but my mother is now a lesbian. This woman has been with a man for twenty-years and all of a sudden she's a lesbian. I mean I always had my assumptions but when it assumptions become reality it tends to be a bit different. (I know my spelling and grammar suck you'll have to excuse me) Honestly how would you handle this, because i'm not doing to well with this hole thing. Literally in one weekend my life as I knew it was cork screwed and changed forever.
  Then they wonder why i smoke cigarettes and weed on a constant basis. Its the only way i can handle there madness. Its one thing to handle your own but when everyone else tries putting there's on top of yours you tend to spin out of control.
  Although this is how my life has always been. I look at my life and the first thing that comes to mind is a DUI. I feel like my life has been taken into the hands of a drunk driver, and no matter how hard i scream or yell there is nothing I can do to get out of the car or stop it.
 

Dear Diary,
  My life is in shambles right now. My Mother and Father split up a couple of months ago, i'm not upset about that in fact i'm happy that they did, I hate my father, he's abusive, and mentally damaging. Anything that could go wrong in my life did, and he was always behind it in some way.
 Not only have they split up but my mother is now a lesbian. This woman has been with a man for twenty-years and all of a sudden she's a lesbian. I mean I always had my assumptions but when it assumptions become reality it tends to be a bit different. (I know my spelling and grammar suck you'll have to excuse me) Honestly how would you handle this, because i'm not doing to well with this hole thing. Literally in one weekend my life as I knew it was cork screwed and changed forever.
  Then they wonder why i smoke cigarettes and weed on a constant basis. Its the only way i can handle there madness. Its one thing to handle your own but when everyone else tries putting there's on top of yours you tend to spin out of control.
  Although this is how my life has always been. I look at my life and the first thing that comes to mind is a DUI. I feel like my life has been taken into the hands of a drunk driver, and no matter how hard i scream or yell there is nothing I can do to get out of the car or stop it.
 

Dear....
  Memories pound my mind like, rain hitting a patio on a stormy day. When one go's through tough times most people say think more on the happier times then on the bad times. Though what are you to think about when the bad times out weigh the good by a tremendous amount.

Dear Diary,
Hey everybody i'm new can you tell. Just thought i would say hello hey if anybody wants to email me really cool pictures that you find on the internet; Mas_amis@yahoo.com.
Anyways i have to go love y'all bye.