im not good...im dying...again, but this time i dont think i can be saved, its the situation where the one who made me this way can only make me better, but he's so blind to me, and so engulfed with all the prettier better girls other than i, that he just doesnt seem to notice, doesnt even seem to care, how much pain he causes me...i cant even get a look or a hello out of the guy, and im sure im not the only one to feel invisible to the world

Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth, and the truth isn't what you want to see. In the dark, it is easy to pretend, that the truth is what it ought to be.

it is no surprise that, most of all, there is pain in superiority. I suffer... *sob* ... because I am better.

Some people are only alive because they haven't died yet.

Caution: May cause random orgasms ranging from subtle to mind-rending in magnitude.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more
degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here.

Hello there
my angel of darkness
the light of my nightmare
my savior
my soul
my sorrow
my terror
is it time?
to soar the skies?
to dance beneath the stars?
is it time?
to sing in the rain?
to run with the wind?
has it come
to forget ourselves
and worry none?
but always will i worry
and ponder if its true
if im the only one
who sleeps alongside you
if what you say is real
if im really that special
or just another sex appeal
never will i know
and your word is all i have
so ill always second guess
that ill always be second best

Ive never loved like this before
such a strange and wild love
something so strong, but clam, that fear wakes my heart
what it is, i cant say
but love i know it is
no longer do others hold my heart
but yet the fear still exists
am i just another to him, or am i real?
does my mind exist to him, maybe
but who will ever know about a man?

For the first time in a long time
im no longer alone
For the first time in a long time
somebody cares
For the first time in a long time
ive found the one to love
For the first time in a long time
someones there to hold me
For the first time in a long time
someones there to help me out
For the first time in a long time
my needs dont go unfullfilled
For the first time in a long time
my life has a meaning
For the first time in a long time
that meaning is you
For the first time in a long time
i no longer want to die
For the first time in a long time
i dont feel like i need to cry
For the first time in a long time
you're something tangible
For the first time in a long time
im happy
For the first time in a long time
im no longer alone
For the first time in a long time
somebody cares

Deep into a dying day
I took a step outside an innocent heart
Prepare to hate me, fall when I may
This night will hurt you like never before
Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight
I`m going down so frail and cruel
Drunken disguise changes all the rules
Greatest thrill
Not to kill
But to have the prize of the night
Hypocrite
Wannabe friend
13th disciple who betrayed me for nothing!
Last dance, first kiss
Your touch, my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight

They are inside the city now. Glass-and-steel buildings tower, making her feel like a mouse running along a baseboard. It's intimidating. It's probably meant to be. The wide boulevards swarm wth people. She reaches out and takes the hand of the younge man beside her. "Scared?" he asks, only she hears his voice in her mind. She nods. He rubs her shoulders. "Don't be. This will work."

my angel of darkness
just a ghost in the rain
crying. dying.
out my emotions drain
confused. abused.
i dont know what to say
so sad. so glad.
will i ever get the time of day
to say. to stay.
i can never talk to you
its bad. its sad.
and theres nothing i can do
what do i do. to talk to you.
inside i cringe
i shrink. i sink.
on this 'no you' binge
not with you. what do i do.
youll be here
sometime soon. some afternoon.
ill hold you near
wont let go. let me hold you so.

Its going to be lonely here once the seniors leave...i'll walk down the hall still expecting them to be there, but i spose it wont be as weird as it was last year, i wasnt even used to the idea then...well then...like 15 days left untill schools out (including weekends) this will be interesting...hehe, my class is taking a test and im on the teachers computer, so i have to type quitely! hehe....i feel all rock-star cuteness today, again like josie and the pussy cats! hehe... all i need are the cat ears and the calico print belt...this chair is really uncomfortable...ive felt...stange...lately, i dont know why, its gotta be these fucked up "heart felt" conversations ive been having with Jill... she made me create some rules for dating me...hehe, fuck up and you're gone! i dont know, things are messed up lately, but i dont care...im still as happy as i need to be...but i still have so many things that just seem to race through my mind, i try to be opptimistic about things, but theres always that doubt that i have in my mind...and its pissing me off, because its starting to take control of how i look at things now, and its BAD!!! ok seriously! this chair is killing my butt, and there isnt a different one i can use! i think i shall just fall over dead, lay down and die... that sounds nice, i need sleep, i didnt go to bed untill 3 or so, cuz i was up all night coughing...i thought i would die, but nooo...lord forbid that i didnt! hehe...well then, im typing for the sake of typing, i spose i should go cuz this is long...maybe i'll post my "Rules for being Involved with Aubrey Ann Workman" up sometime...hehe!

Well now lets see....i went to school today, after being sick all day thursday! and i felt violated when i went to my doc appt on thursday, but atleast im all clean and healthy! hehe...well now, im really happy, for some odd reason, i dont know why...i miss people, of course, but yeah...oho! ok soo yeah i get home today to get on the net, and the first thing emily says to me is, "Did you use the bathroom at ford's house, cuz his sister is sayin you or i stole her perfume!" umm alright, i dont know what to say to that, just because she couldnt find her perfume, automatically means emily or I stole it?! i find it weird and akward, cuz like i have my own perfume, and i know emily has her own too, so why would we need sumone elses? i dont even know what kind of perfume she thinks we took!!! grrr..... oh well, that just gives her another reason to hate me*shrugs* i spose i wont be goin over there anymore:S I dont know anymore...im strange, and i like to over think things...i always seem to find the bad things first...im hoping that its going to change real soon! cuz i dont want anything to go bad anymore, im liking how things are now...i dont think id change anything major! but yah, im out

Seven Ages of Man

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players,
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then, the whiling schoolboy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Madew to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then, the justice
In fair round belly, with good capon lin'd,
With eye severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side,
His youthful hose well sav'd, a world too wide,
Fir his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again towards childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-Jacque ?

wow...i dont know what to say anymore...im dying, thats it...im sick, im sick of everything! well not everything...this must be fucked up guy month! or sumthing, i dont know anymore, i cant tell what i want, but i know...i cant tell what he wants, let alone does he even know...everyone keeps sayin, oh dont worry its gunna be fine, it'll work out, blah blah blah...but will it? will it really? everyone always seems to tell me whats best for me, but is it? is time the best thing? i dont know anymore, each day this needle seems to dig deeper and deeper, causing more pain, i hate to cry and ive made a fool of myself, i should have never told him, he didnt need to know, i just made things even worse! i just cant keep my mouth shut and my feelings locked up! and that my friends is my down fall...

We hold on to things the tightest,
when we are forced to let them go-
we always want things a certain way,
when we know they cant be so.

Dreams always last the longest,
when they are furthest from our reach-
and the lessons we can learn the most from,
are often the very ones we teach.

The grass is always the greenest,
when it lies on the other side-
and the truths we preach to others,
are often those we cant abide.

We hold fast to the things in a storm,
which are most likely to blow away-
and yet we neglect to wear sunscreen,
on a bright and sunny day

We spend our time trying to see things,
when perspective is one thing we lack-
and we never appreciate what we've got,
until we cant get it back.

We expect the whole world to give us a break,
and yet ironically we'll find-
that when others come asking the same of us,
we tell them they're out of their mind.

We tell everyone what's wrong wiht this world,
and we do nothing to make it right-
we complain about families falling apart,
and yet do nothing to keep them tight

We preach about loving out neighbors,
and we teach children right from wrong-
but we never set ood examples for them,
when real chances come along.

We complain about not having enough time in our lives,
to do what we must do-
yet if we were given more hours in the day
we'd use up all that, too.

We desire to be close to all those we love,
yet all too often look on from afar-
and when it comes to the truth do we want to change,
or remain forever as we are?

A new dawn emerges
with its layers and layers
of pink and yellows.

As the sun swallows up my
bedroom with satin rays of sunlight
I wake...
sweaty and screaming
foolish and alone.
And so I continue on...
living each day
feeling his sweat...
and hearing his heavy breath
in the back of my mind
every time silence creeps up on me.

Later I watch the sun, so naive
crawl under the horizon...
and I get restless as dusk approaches
for I know that when my head hits
that pillow...
the fight begins...
and he always wins
in the end.

Carrying my innocence off
holding it up to the moonlight
kicking and screaming until
...finally...
he leaves it and walks away
while is it raw and naked
shaking on the cold ground.

...until a new dawn emerges
with its layers and layers
of pinks and yellows...
Good morning.

You're like a drug
to which i am addicted
i cant get enough
it strangles me slowly
i enjoy it too much
when you're not around
my insides tighten
and my mind clouds over
i miss you around me
miss you holding me
miss your smile
i miss your eyes
through which i sware i can see your soul
i miss you hands
probing for something warm and soft
and i miss your voice
so soft and caring yet strong and funny
but when you're near
its like everything it right
my knees are weak and i get butterflies
to be around my drug
is over whelming
and to be away in deeply depressing
so please dont take my drug
dont remove yourself from me

Hello there
my Angel of Darkness
have you returned
to steal my heart
and lift me upon
your great wings
to hold me
and let me make you smile
it's been rough
lately
i know
your flight away from me
was depressing
for us both
but dont worry
i'm back now
please let me hold you
we'll fly far far away
as our bodies intermingle
and become one
and never will it hurt
to see you glide off
into the darkening night's sky