Ever sat and watched yourself type.
And wonder what the hell it was you were typing.
And only look after the message was typed?
And for the life of you.
Cant recall typing that fast.
or the amount of the words that appear to be in the message?
Or even.
Be thinking something.
And realize you were thinking something else at first.
Try to rememeber.
Forget, and continue what it is you are now thinking.
Only to realize.
You werent really thinking?
Had my first shitty day at work.
My father wrecked my bday.
I feel like shit.
I'm...going to go nap for an hour.
Atleast I'm not having nightmares anymore.
Atleast when I'm sleeping I can feel wanted, among other things.
The Distance feels like it is growing.
That Ravine that now seems to stand between us.
It's like a horrible Nightmare.
The one where you try to jump to make it.
But end up Falling to your death.
I'm scared its going to grow more.
And I know I'm going to Jump soon.
But will you catch me?
Or will I get to fall ?
Whelp.
Come home from church.
Hoping to spend my bday with someone and...they are not online.
So...instead, going to go spend it out with my garden.
Goodbye for now all.
Thanks to thsoe for the well wishes on my bday.
<3
Going to go now.
Thanks.
"_____________
Was so hoping.
That you know.
My bday coming uo.
Things would be different.
But no.
No, not at all.
Why do I bother hoping?
Why?
Manapua.
best.
Fucking.
Thing.
Ever.
Bar.
Freaking.
None.
I.
Want.
More.
It's.
That.
Amazing.
And.
Another.
Thing.
Thats.
Really.
Cool.
Is.
This.
Because.
It.
Looks.
Like.
A.
Graph.
From.
The.
Side.
Isnt.
That.
Nifty.
I.
Could.
Do.
This.
For.
Awhile.
But.
I'm.
Going.
To.
Bed.
Now.
So.
Have.
A.
Good night.
Whooops.
I.
Broke.
It.
For.
A.
moment.
Only.
one.
Word.
At.
A.
Time.
Thats.
The.
Rules.
Ha.
Ha.
Tehee.
Was it worth it?
Is it still?
What was the price I must wonder.
What did it cost you in the end?
How is your prize comparing.
To what you had?
Is it better?
I hope its worth more
Then whatever you paid for it.
Riddle me this.
Riddle me that.
Who is not afraid of the dark?
You thought I'd say bat.
didnt you?
For shame it must be.
To think you could out predict me.
I know all of your secrets.
Your habits, your words your life.
So riddle me this.
Riddle me that.
Who's afraid of the big bad bat?
Hope is why I get up in the morning.
And hope is the reason I cry at night.
Hope is why I smile so much.
And hope is why I'm dieing inside.
Hope is why I am strong.
And hope is what makes me weak.
Hope is this.
Hope is that.
Whenever it helps.
It hinders.
Hope is there.
Hope is here.
Let my hope in for awhile?
so atleast it can help just once.
The Fool is the fool who cant help but love the Queen.
And the Fool is a fool for loving a Queen.
For the Queen knows the Fool is a fool.
And The Fool knows the Queen knows he is a fool.
So who is the bigger fool?
The Fool for being a fool to love the Queen.
Or the Queen for letting the Fool be a fool for loving her?
I want a Watabe wedding.
So much.
It hurts.
They are sooo pretty.
But so damn expensive.
v.v
You know.
I keep thinking I'm the horrible friend.
That there must be something wrong with me.
But then I look at it.
I'm the onyl one who is fuckign trying here.
So you all
Yeah, you all.
Can shove it.
I'm tired of beating myself up
For your faults.
I'm tired of doubting myself
Because of your lies.
So
When you all feel its time to put
Forth a little effort.
And make me feel
A little bit wanted.
You know.
So I dont feel like I'm worth shit.
I'll be over here.
sitting on this bench.
Waiting.
heh.
Waiting.
Its like a lifestyle for me.
Heres a question.
I'd like ot be thought about.
Dont answer though.
I dont want one to this.
Same with those questions
I asked so long ago.
What happened to us? Why are we so far away? Or is it only me who feels like its grown cold between us?
It's funny.
I'm told I'm not insignificant.
but how I'm treated.
Proves otherwise.
Funny right?
I'm laughing so hard I've got -tears-.
Had something.
Changed it to personal.
Bye.
I got a package in the mail today.
And in it was a picture of you.
And on the back it said with love.
And I had to wonder
if that is even true anymore
and then other questions, other memories, hopes and dreams
came flooding up out of their bottles
And I cried.
Because I'm not sure if I want an answer or not.
"If someone truly loves you.
They never really leave you."
-A very close friend of mine.
Think I'd learn.