I dont know what to do anymore.
Ever feel so incredibly alone?
I....
I'm going for a drive...a long one.
I dont..know what to do anymore.
And i dont know what people want from me anymore.
I...try to follow their rules, do what they want
And, yeah...
bye.
And i'm backt o hating myself to the point..of yeah.
Just yeah.
It's always my fault.
I'm always to blame.
I'm that dumbass fatass, unattractive peice of shit, failure of a friend.
shit...I wouldnt even call myself a friend.
and i'll never be proven wrong.
i give up.
I wont..
Iw ont try to hlpanyone anymore.
I cant, all idois maek things worse.
I'm not...I'll stay out of everyones lives.
I fele like everyone wants that anyways.
so..goodbye.
Water is to waterfalls, as poetry is to a poets lips.
*sits down, crosses arms and frowns*
I've been terribley selfish.
And I'm sorry.
I've been dwelling on my own pains.
And not paying enough attention to those around.
I've been dreading my own bday.
because well, I doubt anyone will remember.
And being as something horrible usually happens on it..
I've got no reason to welcome it.
And I've been thinking alot of whats been happening, whats been going on, whats been said, what IS being said, andw hat isnt being said.
And I guess.
Just selfish in the end.
so I'm sorry, to everyone.
I'll shut up now, and be who I should be.
*wanders off singing I'm still here.*
Give me a beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in that rock n roll
And drift away...
wonder just how stupid everyone thinks I am.
To not notice things.
If uh
You tell me you wont do such and such
And hten go do such and such
With someone else
When I belong to the same game, or site.
Yeah, I'm going to be hurt.
And feel a bit betrayed.
But I dont see why I bother bringing this up.
Not like hte people who think I'm too stupid to notice anything can
A: Read it ehre.
or
B: care.
Exhausted.
Going to bed.
Later all.
Redrum...redru
How do you deal, with being reminded of what you've lost? How do you cope, and adjust?
How do you keep going, when you are hoping to find what you've lost?
....
*sits down, before curling up*
So, no more talking about stuff.
No more venting in my diary.
And no more hoping to vent to someone.
Some things its time to stop.
And some things its time to stop hoping for.
I've got a few hopes left though.
We'll see.
You know
Maybe someday
Someone will listen to me.
And let me vent to them.
And look at what I say
From my eyes.
And you know what?
I'd like that.
To be able to vent.
Without the fear of getting yelled at.
or being made to feel like shit after.
*sighs*
How badly I envy a few people.
I know it sounds sad, but eh...I do.
Dumbass of the year?
I win that award.
cant even be of any use to my best friend.
That warrents that award yes?
Heading off to finish getting ready.
hopefully, I cans top the shaking in myhands to be able to carry the crock pot full of hot cheese.
so close...to just chucking this stupid laptop out a window.
So, freaking close.
I dont ever want to be told.
That I am not insigificant.
Because I am.
And it pisses me off.
-soooo,last minute invite to a barbaque.
Gonna go.
cause well lets face it.
I have no reason to be home.
And I doubt I'll have anything to do online today.
I never seem to do as of late.
So..
Off to get ready.
Looking forward to actually being around people who give a shit.
Fuck you too.
I cant...
I'm not even going to try anymore.
I'm tired of asking.
i'm tired of begging.
I'm tired of trying so fucking hard.
And either not being appreiciated, or
For you to even care.
So.
I'm giving up.
Way to go to everyone.
I'm actually giving up.
Fuck off.
( And if you are pissed by this message, dont bother. I wont even discuss it. )
It's labor day weekend.
fun.
Another day.
Another clock punching.
No really.
I have a punch card.
Its awesome.