The biggest joke of the year.
Nothing better.
Going out driving.
I've got tons of errands.
And...I need to clear my head.
I'll..be back online whenever.
Not like I have much of a reason to be online.
I had a really bad nightmare last night.
One thats...really shaken me pretty badly.
I'm scared to close my eyes, I havent eaten all day, and I'm starting to shake.
I've never had a nightmare as bad as that..or as vivid.
Or one that I felt after words.
I can still feel it.
And it scares me..
Whelp
1 in the morning
Eyes dropping.
Barely breathing.
Sounds like bed time.
*wanders off to crash*
So
The only real good thing.
To come out of this shitty year so far.
Is I may have a job by the end of this week.
Wawoots. <3
I hate this year.
So much.
nothing good has come from it.
Its been filled with heartr breaks, doubt, pain, and self hating.
And it just keeps getting worse.
And no one is ever there for me.
When I need them.
I feel so fucking alone right now...
But no one cares.
Not a single person.
I hate this year.
I'm not sure what I can say.
To get things to a point.
Where everyone can be happy.
maybe there is something I must do.
Where everyone wins.
Final play tonight.
Not sure if I'll go.
I just dont really feel like it.
Think...I might just go driving.
I'm just a once upon a time hero.
Not worth the time of day.
I'm just a once upon a time hero.
Only useful when the others arnt around.
I'm just a once upon a time hero.
And I'm used to being let down.
Its funny.
If no one will be there for someone.
Either their other friends are too busy.
Dont want to deal with it.
Or just dont care.
They come to me.
Only time I get the time of day from someone is either then
Or there is no one else to spend time with.
But If i MIGHT need someone.
and people know I might.
No one is there.
Irony right?
Yeah...my friends dont take advantage of me at all.
Emotional internal termoil.
How do you get rid of it?
How does one bar it from your soul?
Do you lay your head upon ones shoulder.
And wheep untill it is no more?
Or dos one bottle it, and battle it.
Bravely, and perhaps foolishly fighting alone?
Who does one turn to.
When your own self cannot be trusted?
A whole year?
No wonder I'm hurting so bad.
Are you?
*sighs*
I hate doubt...
Dr. Manhatten(sp )
" I can do almost anything. But I cant change human nature"
Alot of things I can say right now.
A few nice things.
Some hurtful things.
But, of the millions of things I will say right now.
Is this.
...
Yeah I need this campout.
I need to get away from everything, and everyone.
Atleast out in nature.
With just the full moon, some sand crabs, and a sleeping bag.
Theres nothing to disapointment me.
I guess the only one who will never hurt me.
is myself.
Momma always said be compassionate.
Momma always said be dependable.
Momma always said be honorable.
Momma always said be the Gentlemen.
But Momma forgot something important.
This world is filled with humans.
And humans are selfish greedy creatures.
And I've come to learn.
That being a shining knight.
The best thing to happen to someone.
Is the worst thing I could be.
I love you
Is jut a fancy way to say.
I lied.