I just...wanna say I'm sorry for that last..post.
I just...I'm hurting.
Really badly and, I just...want to be treated better.
To feel loved, appreciaited...
Thats all..

Fuck everyone.
Fuck it all.
I've put up with enough bull shit in the last few years.
I've had enough witht he god damn pain.
I dont deserve any of this shit
Specially when all I do IS TRY TO FUCKINF HELP.
I'm hurting terribley...and does anyone fucking care?
No. Just how shit their day was.
What was happening this life.
And how I can help.
But wait..when t ry, I GET SNAPPED AT AND CUSSED AT.
So fuck everyone.
What happened in New York..doesnt fucking hurt this bad..
I want to die...I do..
so fuck off.
Everyone.
I wont be siging onto ET again.
Unless I'mve givena really fucking good reason.
cant evenf ucking type right..cant even see..
I didnt deserve that...Id dint deserve any of this...
specially with the Hell I've been through...all I've tried to do..
Maybe once I'm not around as much...people will give a shit.
I'll be appreciated...
Do i ever get a thanks?
No...I get snarled at, or screamed at, or cursed..snapped..no..
I've always been there...and does it matter?
No.
So fuck everyone.
I'm choking...on my own throat.
HOPE YOUR FUCKING HAPPY.
This..wasnt fair..this wasnt right.
Id dint deserve to be treated like this..
All...I've ever done..was try to help.
TO be there..to be loved..
thats it...I didnt..do anything to deserve this..


just remember.
When I failed, I was trying to do right.
Do..I realy mean nothing?
Does...i've...always been there does...it mean nothing to anyone?
Anyone at all care anymore?
No..love, no affecton fro anyone..
Just...yelling, and snapping, and..crual, horrid words..
New York..didnt hurt as badly as this does...
I really am alone..I ahve no one...


I hate me...everything about me...
it's why...I lost the one thing important to me..

Just..leave me alone.

Going out all day friday.
no idea when I'll be home.

...There ar few things that hurt worse then that.
Few things...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbcltLf2VHo&feature=rec-HM-r2

You know, nothing ever changes.
No one, thinks before they say something.
Ever.
I find it funny.
I'm hurting.
Hurting really fucking bad.
But I keep on trucking you know?
Keep on smiling, keep on being there.
Do i feel appreciated? Not really.
Do I feel loved? No. But then...I wonder if anyone does.
you know..the last couple of days, my dad has been a real ass.
I havent talked about it at all cause well, my problems arnt really all that important compared to everyone elses.
But...it doenst mean I dont hurt right?
How would you be feeling, if all the things thats happened to me, in the last two years, happened to you?


I'm rambling, I know. Dont mind it, its the fact Im exhausted, and cant sleep talking. Just..dont pay it any mind.

Funny...how nightmares can save your ass sometimes.

*curls up*
Wont talk to anyone then.
Just..bottle it up.
Every time I try its just...not a good time.

.....
Thanks.

*sits, staring off into the distance, legs hanging over a stone wall near a dieing wheeping willow*

thought I was doing better.
then something came up.
took a look into my cell.
Damn my desire to browse.
saw I had so many texts.
  whats a little spring cleaning?
so many laughs and tears in there.
theres one that made my heart stop.
then I saw the one you sent me.
You know, that one.
and I felt a tear slide down my cheek.
swear you could end world thirst with me.
Low and behold I'm still trying.
A rerun I'm becoming.
forever yours it said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmT3YKKhvwo&feature=PlayList&p=D73956BAC7F09D46&index=20&playnext=21&playnext_from=PL

I'll always be there.
By your side.
Even when others judge you.
I'll never commit that crime.

I'll always be there.
Even when no one else is.
I'll never judge you.
Though everyone else may.
I'm never going to leave.
Always by your side.
You know you can beleive it.
after everything Im still here.
How does that make you feel?

http://ariyas.mybrute.com
Simply freaking amazing.
<3's

I'm..just going to keep my fucking mouth shut okay?
Not tell anyone a fucking thing.
Be all hopes and smiles.
Cause...whenever I do tell people stuff
Someone gets hurt.
And...meh, atleast Im used to feeling like I'm worthless.
Rather not...get others hurt too.

Going out.
Cause well, my mood is shit.
Going to see my old base.
Will be funarific.
Plan to buy goodies for myself.
cause I'm awesome like that.


No more makign excuses.
I'm living for myself.
There's no us involved.
There is just me.
Fast lane, new tracks shiney new car
This is my life babe.
I'm living it for me.

Thanks...the day did get better but hey...
Go figure.
It ends like shit.

You think you know the truth
But find it to be a lie
You beleive in a dream
Surprise its a nightmar in disguise
You pour your hope into something
watch it crash and burn
To this day you'll keep on loving
You think they'll love you back?
You think you know the truth.