I'm working through this shit.
I'm getting shit done.
I wasn't obsessed, I know it...
But whatever, you guys think that way... any reasoning I have against it doesn't seem to matter anyway

Looks more and more everyday like we're not getting back together, and every day, I get more and more ok with that.

This shits working out for me.
I've been thinking, and I finally came out and said it tonight, I hate parties.
The only party I'm going to for sure and I'm looking forward to, is the end of school party, I'm taking Brandi and Hannah, no matter what, they're coming
Girls night out

Other than that, I'm just gonna hang out with my friends, I miss them so much.

I don't feel bad about telling him I'm hanging out with someone else for once, of course, I shouldn't anymore, now should I?

I still hurt...but I'll get better...
I don't want a guy right now, no guys.
They're nothing but trouble


People always told me I was gonna grow up to be a little heart-breaker
Now, I'm left with nothing but a broken heart, boy were they wrong.


I should stop trusting people...
I should stop letting them in so soon..
I don't even know if I should think this...
I need some advice...
From someone who knows...
And knows well...



The boobie-dance is dead...
My boobs are mine now
And mine only


I wish my guitar was fixed

Man, Today was pretty fun...

My days are getting better and better...
The less and less I see of him
It gets better
That sounds so horrible...

It's like I hate nearly everything about him...but I fucking love him so much

UHH!!!
Damnit...Whatever...

Anyways...Went to Stars, got a much needed pack of cigarettes(YES!)
Almost out again(NO!)
Hung out with Candice, Jackie, Chris And Salem
Carl's the coolest motherfucker ever.Ofcourse you already knew that, silly. A GUY WHO AGREES! YES!
Went Home, Hung out with the coolest damn guy from Austin ever and Alec, Holly and a few other cool ass folk.
Got home at ten..Watch The BirdMan! YES!
Talked To Shaun....Started thinking again, damnit.
Might be going out tonight...not sure...I'm pretty tired...but I want some fun.
Might call Shaun back...don't really want to, but then I really do...
UHH!

Man! I hate him so much(No, you don't)
I know.
Damn

God, today was freaking crazy and tiring....

Stayed with Candice and Salem last night.
Then I got worried about Shaun and went to see him...didn't get back till 5 a.m.
Had no cigarettes.
Went to school...met this new kid...he's really cool.
said he'd ink me up!:)
Went home, a special friend called me:)
Might hang out with him later...
Cleaning the house desperately looking for old pics of shaun and I that I took down a week ago...I can't find them anywhere...I hope they didnt get torn...


Erp....

ok, well...peace nigga

*sigh* Today should be a pretty good day.

Me and Robbie are cool again:)


Talked to Brandi last night...
Was gonna try to go jack her from school but I didn't wake up early enough.

I think I'm going to attempt to write a song today...wish me luck..


I'm also going to start writing unsent letters to people...
Just writing down everything I need to say to them or talk about with them...
It's so much easier to do it that way..no interruptions..you get all your thoughts out...
i might send a few...
I just need a notebook that will listen...not someone else...because they never listen...
They tell you you need to do this and I want you to do this...
They don't take into account that maybe you don't want to do that or it wont make you happy.

And that's all I need right now, happiness.
My life needs a major turn around.
Stop worrying about him.
I'll see him when I see him.
I'll talk when he calls.
He was being so distant yesterday...I shouldn't have even made the effort.
Whatever...things will work out for the best, I know it.
I don't need him...all he does is hurt me...maybe when I'm older and he doesn't need constant different pussy all the time...
When I have school finished and he's not so stressed.
MAYBE then it will work...but it's a longshot...
But I'm perfectly fine with it until then.:)


ok...about to go to school...I'll be out at 5
damn

Everything is at peace now...
everything is cool

Not horrible

I have to give him back two things.
Might hang out today.

But, I don't know...so tired...chores must be done...shit must happen..

Blink 182 is so fun



I just want to skate all day long and jam blink 182...that would be the perfect day for me.

Just perfect.

I CAN BE A FLIRT AGAIN!

It feels so free

lol, Jon says I'm a tease


Well, I'm off to go flirting



*FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT*


It's so fun
Haha
(GAY)

Ok, so maybe boys don't suck as much...but still


UH!! He is so confusing...

Oh, well...
Got a new party friend at Baylor and have awesome plans with Jon on friday!

Jon Jn's my party super buddy!

Yay!



(no crying at all today)

YAY!!!!

ok, sleep now

BOYS SUCK BOYS SUCK



Wow, that was a stupid mistake...somehow I knew it would be like that....


And seeing him walking out with her....killed me...but the look in his eyes...

That pissed me off so bad...I'll never forget that look.

I bet he's gonna screw her tonight or is as I type.


FUN!

Only Inside I'm Free
I'm Tired Of Waiting
You've Got To Let Me Dream
Inside Baby
I'm Not Afraid To Feel
I Want You To Love Me
Cause You Are The One.

Scars
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is



being bored...
Found lyrics that applied to the situation.
wow...
bored

ok, gonna go to a movie now

Well, Today was just the best flippin' day ever.
WAS gonna hang out with Salem
WAS gonna try to get my mind off him
WAS not gonna go to school

Totally had to walk home from S.T.A.R.S. But that was actually pretty cool, because I got to think of some things and it's exercise!
But totally had all the mexicans just staring me down and one blew me a kiss.
(BLAH)

But if I didn't go to school there was no way I was going out today, so, f-that!

Woke up sad as usual
Downloaded some kickass songs and listened to some kick ass songs

Such As:
Marilyn Manson Ate My Girlfriend
Beverly Hills
Starfuckers, Inc.
Where Is My Mind
Sweater Song
Time Is Running Out
Closer(video)
Tainted Love(Manson video)
And Many More.

Doesn't suck how whenever something shitty happens in your life, regardless of what it is, there always seems to be a song to match your mood and what's going on in your life at that time. It can make the heartache worse, or seem to help you through it.
MxPx is killing me right now, but it's such an awesome song.
Thanks Gill...

Eahc day is slowly getting better.
Like, if it was counted by points....
Each day is a half of a point of feeling better...


Everything still sucks dick.
Emotional Death is coming...
I can't wait till I overcome this.
I don't want to get over him.
I want to get over the hurt and permanet need for him.

I need stuff to keep me occupied...
school sucks because I don't know ANYONE there.

I'm just waiting for summer

I'm not going to the show...
It'll just upset me...almost everything reminds me of him...sucks...

School...Yippeee:(

The last couple of hours have been the worst in a long time.
I don't really feel like sharing it, but I thought I'd comment on it.

There's a small fruit fly on my sandwich.
Joy.
-_-

I had a dream the other night about elftown.
Somehow I got on kb's username and read all her personal secret diary entries.
but they were blank.
It was weird.



B.T.W.!!!
Still Sick:-/

Had A Kick Ass Time On The Coast!
WHOO!

Even though Shaun and Krysta fought alot it didn't ruin it.
I fucking love Corpus, I can't wait to go this summer.
I also got a kick ass shell that I'm going to use in making a future kick ass sacred necklace.

Then, on the last day of Corpus, Salem got kicked out.
She moved in with me on Saturday night. She's still getting her stuff and she's poor for now. But, Oh, well.
Shiley came to town a few days ago. We hung out with him. I got to drive his car, but I've never been on the highway and we were driving behind Chris which is like driving behind Connor. I saw a cop and had to slow down and then Salem drove.
She did good for her first time. I'm proud of her.
Shaun got mad at us.
But it's cool now.
I skated today. I'm getting better. But I still suck big nasty balls at it. I plan to get better.
I tanned somewhat.
Cut my hair.
Had shaun stay almost the entire spring break with me.
Been hanging out with Salem a whole lot.


I'm a happy girl!
:)
Oh, yeah, tried a new drug with Salem. Thought I'd mention that)

<33333

I scared myself while ago. My hair moved too close to my face and I freaked.
I'm too jumpy, I hate going to sleep in this mood.

I suck. At Everything. There's no reason why I should be here really.
(Yeah, I know that sounds suicidal, don't take it that way though.)


Non-Exsistent-Ness Would Be Cool

I've had the worst day so far.
I was woken up early because they're working on the roads right in front of my house.
Jackhammers are loud.
And it's cold.
Then I got up and remembered I had only 3 cigarettes left, I now have two.
Then I made french toast, burned it.
Tasted horrible.
Then decided to begin cleaning. I went through old papers and magazines and I learned a few things.
1. My great grandparents got a divorce.
2. I had perfect grades throughout 1-3
3. I was a weird kid, I stood randomly in class, disturbed others and daydreamed.
4. All of that behavior was a side effect of the seizure medication I was taking at the time to prevent my S.B.S. induced seizures.
5. When I moved to Waco, I had a big sister from big brothers big sisters who I wrote diary entries about.
6. Pictures of me with my cousins, they're all holding hands around a kiddie table smiling, I'm half turned around with the saddest look on my face, but not crying. I was never included.
7. My mom read those and documented on them.
8. My mom knew my passwords for all of my instant messaging programs.
9. A letter typed up by Santa
10. My mother's thing from Scott&White including:
-A loan she took out
-A Christmas Card from her bestfriend
-Her slides she designed for her job
And the saddest thing I've ever seen:
-A white empty never-opened folder labeled,"Ideas"


This day couldn't get any worse.

And I Can't Help But Ask Myself How Much I Let The Fear Take The Wheel And Steer.


Yeah, love those lyrics.

But yeah, had alot of fun this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SALEM!!!!
Our Lover<3

This Song Really Touched Me Today.

Computer's fixed for now.
Yay!

this Sunday I am SO getting the laptop...
YES!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!
I Can't Wait....!!!!
EEEE!


Ok, maybe not that incredibly amazing since it's not really all that new and it's a mac
But hey, beggars can't be choosers
It's cool stuff
Jeah