I scared myself while ago. My hair moved too close to my face and I freaked.
I'm too jumpy, I hate going to sleep in this mood.

I suck. At Everything. There's no reason why I should be here really.
(Yeah, I know that sounds suicidal, don't take it that way though.)


Non-Exsistent-Ness Would Be Cool

I've had the worst day so far.
I was woken up early because they're working on the roads right in front of my house.
Jackhammers are loud.
And it's cold.
Then I got up and remembered I had only 3 cigarettes left, I now have two.
Then I made french toast, burned it.
Tasted horrible.
Then decided to begin cleaning. I went through old papers and magazines and I learned a few things.
1. My great grandparents got a divorce.
2. I had perfect grades throughout 1-3
3. I was a weird kid, I stood randomly in class, disturbed others and daydreamed.
4. All of that behavior was a side effect of the seizure medication I was taking at the time to prevent my S.B.S. induced seizures.
5. When I moved to Waco, I had a big sister from big brothers big sisters who I wrote diary entries about.
6. Pictures of me with my cousins, they're all holding hands around a kiddie table smiling, I'm half turned around with the saddest look on my face, but not crying. I was never included.
7. My mom read those and documented on them.
8. My mom knew my passwords for all of my instant messaging programs.
9. A letter typed up by Santa
10. My mother's thing from Scott&White including:
-A loan she took out
-A Christmas Card from her bestfriend
-Her slides she designed for her job
And the saddest thing I've ever seen:
-A white empty never-opened folder labeled,"Ideas"


This day couldn't get any worse.

And I Can't Help But Ask Myself How Much I Let The Fear Take The Wheel And Steer.


Yeah, love those lyrics.

But yeah, had alot of fun this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SALEM!!!!
Our Lover<3

This Song Really Touched Me Today.

Computer's fixed for now.
Yay!

this Sunday I am SO getting the laptop...
YES!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!
I Can't Wait....!!!!
EEEE!


Ok, maybe not that incredibly amazing since it's not really all that new and it's a mac
But hey, beggars can't be choosers
It's cool stuff
Jeah

back again for a limited amount of time:)

Show tomorrow
Hanging out with the coolest people imaginable!!
Wes, Shaun, Jackie, and ofcourse, My lovely girlfriend, Salem!!!!!

Anyways, tonight on the agender:
Dinner
A Movie
Valentines Fun!!;)


ok, super jam out cd almost done.
Peace and Carrots

I missed the computer so much.

I went through a little more than a week's worth of internet withdrawals.


And I'm sick, but getting better. hopefully.

This weekend was fuckin awesome.

Shaun And Salem.
FUN FUN FUN!!

I fucking hate math!!!

Meh, I have twice as much school work tomorrow.

Then off to the "Y" to work out and have fun with shaun and stuff.



Show's coming up.

can't wait.

This is what I've been fucking with all day.
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Rainbow_Lust

Ok, well not all day, but for the last two hours.

And this old thing.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/a_friend_my_own/

I haven't written in that in forever.



If anyone out there rocks at designing one or both of these sites please share your intelligence.
Those sites are confusing at fuck.

I'm computerilliterate.

She's Always A Joy To Talk To.


Elizabethhtebazi: I FOOLED YOU! I TRICKED YOU!!
Elizabethhtebazi: I don't like you!! I hate you!! You suck so much!!
ChoklitFondu: ...I don't really get how, nor do I care
Elizabethhtebazi: You changed!!
ChoklitFondu: I guess so
Elizabethhtebazi: and it sucks!
ChoklitFondu: you changed too, everyone changes
ChoklitFondu: does it matter?
Elizabethhtebazi: I wish you were the same but your not!! You suck hardcore now!
Elizabethhtebazi: It matters because you were my friend!!
Elizabethhtebazi: WERE
Elizabethhtebazi: !!!!!!!
Elizabethhtebazi: WHATEVER!!!!
ChoklitFondu: I don't really wish I was the same. I'm happy how I am now. Out of school. Loving boyfriend. Cool friends
Elizabethhtebazi: Well okay!
ChoklitFondu: If you think it sucks, then it's your opinion...I don't really mind
ChoklitFondu: We have always had trouble being friends....so, I don't really care what you think
Elizabethhtebazi: Well you suck! That's all there is to it! Your happiness isn't going to get you far! You totally trashed your life!
Elizabethhtebazi: WhAtEvEr!
Elizabethhtebazi: Have fun@
ChoklitFondu: I guess
Elizabethhtebazi: **HAVE FUN!!
Elizabethhtebazi: ....while you can.
ChoklitFondu: I really don't think I trashed my life
ChoklitFondu: I think I will have fun
Elizabethhtebazi signed off at 11:45:37 PM.

Brr!

Darkness was so-so.
Christmas effin' rocked.
Shaun loved the card and picture I gave him.
His mom is doing better.
I'm in the clear.
This stuff tastes alright.
Can I pull it off again?
New spot.
Wes?
It's cold.
Will she still love me?
I have no cigarettes.
Drunken Sex! Yeehaw!
Why did he leave me and not tell me?
Fingers are cold.
Next Show?
I wonder what's on t.v.
My back hurts.
Curious.
Lilu.
Was she fucked up?
What's going on with you?
I'm finished.
Stop talking to me.

Thoughts Through My Head All Day.

Ok, onto a more serious diary entry.
Last nights was shit.


DJ IRENE ROCK THE FACE OF THE EARTH!

:)


Anyways, hopefully, if my boyfriend ever gets his ass over here I'm going to go hang out with him and Jackie.
Hopefully a day set for fun.

I get to house sit on Thursday in this awesome big house in this nice ass neighborhood.
I can't wait. The house will be all mine.
I'll probably just end up being a lonely little shit, though.

Last night, I realized alot of new things. No matter how much fun you have it's always going to be in that same boring old place no matter where you are.

It's hard to explain, you just have to feel it.
It makes me want to reconsider alot of things. Friendships, relationships, future relationships, school, work, and life.

When you start thinking about it, it's like, "Why keep living? What are you even living for?" and you don't know, you just keep living it.
It hurts my head, I can't wrap my mind around it.
So I just zone out to my favourite shows.
What I've always done, I've just gotten extra accostumed to it lately.

Meh.


Oh, and by the way, Faith, you're the one who said you couldn't wait to "see my punk ass" at the show. So, by most people's standards, that means you want to fight, but since violence is "shit" I guess you don't fight, even though you bucked up to me when I wasn't looking. Chicken Shit.
It's your problem, not mine, I learned that shit will be talked as long as you live, if you give a fuck then you care too much what people think about you. However, if you don't care what's being said about you, you will find out who your true friends are.
Remember that and stop being whiney.