I've had the worst day so far.
I was woken up early because they're working on the roads right in front of my house.
Jackhammers are loud.
And it's cold.
Then I got up and remembered I had only 3 cigarettes left, I now have two.
Then I made french toast, burned it.
Tasted horrible.
Then decided to begin cleaning. I went through old papers and magazines and I learned a few things.
1. My great grandparents got a divorce.
2. I had perfect grades throughout 1-3
3. I was a weird kid, I stood randomly in class, disturbed others and daydreamed.
4. All of that behavior was a side effect of the seizure medication I was taking at the time to prevent my S.B.S. induced seizures.
5. When I moved to Waco, I had a big sister from big brothers big sisters who I wrote diary entries about.
6. Pictures of me with my cousins, they're all holding hands around a kiddie table smiling, I'm half turned around with the saddest look on my face, but not crying. I was never included.
7. My mom read those and documented on them.
8. My mom knew my passwords for all of my instant messaging programs.
9. A letter typed up by Santa
10. My mother's thing from Scott&White including:
-A loan she took out
-A Christmas Card from her bestfriend
-Her slides she designed for her job
And the saddest thing I've ever seen:
-A white empty never-opened folder labeled,"Ideas"


This day couldn't get any worse.

And I Can't Help But Ask Myself How Much I Let The Fear Take The Wheel And Steer.


Yeah, love those lyrics.

But yeah, had alot of fun this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SALEM!!!!
Our Lover<3

This Song Really Touched Me Today.

Computer's fixed for now.
Yay!

this Sunday I am SO getting the laptop...
YES!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!
I Can't Wait....!!!!
EEEE!


Ok, maybe not that incredibly amazing since it's not really all that new and it's a mac
But hey, beggars can't be choosers
It's cool stuff
Jeah

back again for a limited amount of time:)

Show tomorrow
Hanging out with the coolest people imaginable!!
Wes, Shaun, Jackie, and ofcourse, My lovely girlfriend, Salem!!!!!

Anyways, tonight on the agender:
Dinner
A Movie
Valentines Fun!!;)


ok, super jam out cd almost done.
Peace and Carrots

I missed the computer so much.

I went through a little more than a week's worth of internet withdrawals.


And I'm sick, but getting better. hopefully.

This weekend was fuckin awesome.

Shaun And Salem.
FUN FUN FUN!!

I fucking hate math!!!

Meh, I have twice as much school work tomorrow.

Then off to the "Y" to work out and have fun with shaun and stuff.



Show's coming up.

can't wait.

This is what I've been fucking with all day.
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Rainbow_Lust

Ok, well not all day, but for the last two hours.

And this old thing.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/a_friend_my_own/

I haven't written in that in forever.



If anyone out there rocks at designing one or both of these sites please share your intelligence.
Those sites are confusing at fuck.

I'm computerilliterate.

She's Always A Joy To Talk To.


Elizabethhtebazi: I FOOLED YOU! I TRICKED YOU!!
Elizabethhtebazi: I don't like you!! I hate you!! You suck so much!!
ChoklitFondu: ...I don't really get how, nor do I care
Elizabethhtebazi: You changed!!
ChoklitFondu: I guess so
Elizabethhtebazi: and it sucks!
ChoklitFondu: you changed too, everyone changes
ChoklitFondu: does it matter?
Elizabethhtebazi: I wish you were the same but your not!! You suck hardcore now!
Elizabethhtebazi: It matters because you were my friend!!
Elizabethhtebazi: WERE
Elizabethhtebazi: !!!!!!!
Elizabethhtebazi: WHATEVER!!!!
ChoklitFondu: I don't really wish I was the same. I'm happy how I am now. Out of school. Loving boyfriend. Cool friends
Elizabethhtebazi: Well okay!
ChoklitFondu: If you think it sucks, then it's your opinion...I don't really mind
ChoklitFondu: We have always had trouble being friends....so, I don't really care what you think
Elizabethhtebazi: Well you suck! That's all there is to it! Your happiness isn't going to get you far! You totally trashed your life!
Elizabethhtebazi: WhAtEvEr!
Elizabethhtebazi: Have fun@
ChoklitFondu: I guess
Elizabethhtebazi: **HAVE FUN!!
Elizabethhtebazi: ....while you can.
ChoklitFondu: I really don't think I trashed my life
ChoklitFondu: I think I will have fun
Elizabethhtebazi signed off at 11:45:37 PM.

Brr!

Darkness was so-so.
Christmas effin' rocked.
Shaun loved the card and picture I gave him.
His mom is doing better.
I'm in the clear.
This stuff tastes alright.
Can I pull it off again?
New spot.
Wes?
It's cold.
Will she still love me?
I have no cigarettes.
Drunken Sex! Yeehaw!
Why did he leave me and not tell me?
Fingers are cold.
Next Show?
I wonder what's on t.v.
My back hurts.
Curious.
Lilu.
Was she fucked up?
What's going on with you?
I'm finished.
Stop talking to me.

Thoughts Through My Head All Day.

Ok, onto a more serious diary entry.
Last nights was shit.


DJ IRENE ROCK THE FACE OF THE EARTH!

:)


Anyways, hopefully, if my boyfriend ever gets his ass over here I'm going to go hang out with him and Jackie.
Hopefully a day set for fun.

I get to house sit on Thursday in this awesome big house in this nice ass neighborhood.
I can't wait. The house will be all mine.
I'll probably just end up being a lonely little shit, though.

Last night, I realized alot of new things. No matter how much fun you have it's always going to be in that same boring old place no matter where you are.

It's hard to explain, you just have to feel it.
It makes me want to reconsider alot of things. Friendships, relationships, future relationships, school, work, and life.

When you start thinking about it, it's like, "Why keep living? What are you even living for?" and you don't know, you just keep living it.
It hurts my head, I can't wrap my mind around it.
So I just zone out to my favourite shows.
What I've always done, I've just gotten extra accostumed to it lately.

Meh.


Oh, and by the way, Faith, you're the one who said you couldn't wait to "see my punk ass" at the show. So, by most people's standards, that means you want to fight, but since violence is "shit" I guess you don't fight, even though you bucked up to me when I wasn't looking. Chicken Shit.
It's your problem, not mine, I learned that shit will be talked as long as you live, if you give a fuck then you care too much what people think about you. However, if you don't care what's being said about you, you will find out who your true friends are.
Remember that and stop being whiney.

O-M-G
Last night was so f-ing cool


Went to the skatepark.
I was greeted by a very excited Drew.


We awaited my friend and the stuff.

SO MUCH SHROOMS!
We went and ate them.
Jackie almost blew trying to eat them.
Probably why they kicked in so fast for her.
I sat up on the half-pipe with Shaun.
My heart was beating so fast and I was lying perfectley still.
I started talking to my friend about different kinds of shrooms and ecstasy.
Chocolate Mushrooms(Chocolate bars)- sounds like a must try

Jackie started tripping hard. Drew and Ed started messing with her and asking me what she was afraid of.
Then she got so scared and started running off for no reason. I ran after her so I wouldn't lose her and she ran even faster.
She thought I was a sand demon or something.

I was a little peeved at the fact I still wasn't tripping as hard so we finished the whole bag.
Jackie gave hers away.
Everything started getting so funny and when I walked I could feel every bump and hill in the ground.
Shaun sat down with me at the table and Brendan,Matt, and Carl were on the other side talking about beer.
Everytime I tried to kiss him I started laughing. I would close my eyes and see a rainbow marquee across my eyelids.
This guys walks past who's liek someones dad or something. He's carrying milk jugs. THE MILK MAN! Shaun was like, seriously, who is that, what's he doing? I was like, Selling his milk, duh! He's the milk man. Uncontrollable laughter.
Then we wanted to go find Jackie and she was under the little pavillion thing with Max.
That's when it hit me to the fullest extent.
I started chewing on my sleeve and saying the stupidest things. I looked at the trees and the were out of focus and shaking uncontrollably. Colors were everywhere. This random ass guy comes up to mess with people and everything he said made me laugh my ass off. Colors dancing around him, he was leaning to the side.
We walked a little more and the ground started breathing. There were faces in the clouds. I saw George Clooney.
Samantha came up to us. She was green. The question on everybodies minds...Why Is Samantha Green?
haha.
We went off into the feild(jackie and I).
The grass had unimaginable designs and colors.
The color of the grass was indescribable. Mauvey, redish, greenish, purpley, whatever.
AWESOME!
Then it was time to go...Jackie was hungry..as we were leaving, I noticed the ground was bleeding.
Before I closed the door to the car, I looked at the sky and saw a happy kitty. It was beautiful.

Riding in a car was so weird. You're sitting in one place, yet moving at the same time.
We went down the valley to McDonalds.
COLORS EVERYWHERE!!!
SO BRIGHT!
So beautiful.
Truly gorgeous.
I thought I would never stop laughing in mcdonalds. Anyone in there who didn't know we were on something must have been an idiot.
It was so incredibly obvious.I couldn't eat worth shit.
My face was red from laughing. My eyes were bloodshot from crying because of laughter.
My burger had lemonpepper.
I ended up disecting my meal instead of eating it.
Shaun's friends were there. I felt so bad for him. We must have embarrassed the hell out of him.

We went to Jackie's and lyed around in the bed and Jackie accidentley gave it away that she was on shrooms to her brother. He wasn't as mad as we thought he'd be. He was really dissapointed, though.

Jackie's ceiling caved in on me. There was an owl.
There are no owls this side of texas.


I will never look at things the same. I had a great time.
Jackie and I will always remember McDonalds for as long as we both shall live:)
Don't go Jackie, you're all I have going for me.