wanted to take stuff offf my page but its all here...

misdemeanours- acts that are shocking or unacceptable

a poem i wrote on the spot...
[predestined]

nothing excites me,
mundayne, restless,bored.
I need a pick me up,
i need a bit more luck.
for everything around me i despise,
the jealousy, the distaste, the lies.
nothing excites me,
everything makes me wonder why.
is it only for me, for me to decide?
i need a pick me up,
and not to remember the night before.
that way it's not another thing to get me down
and i cant think about the ways in which im a whore.

Im the girl, takes another toke,
passes out in a room full of smoke.
the one who has no self repect,
the one who takes anything she can get.
Because im 17 and my emotions dont matter.
does he like me? are my thighs getting fatter?
she doesnt know about the pitter patter
of tiny feet, feet she has made,
because all she wanted was to get laid.

i look back at that girl,
she was only 17.
she lived life to the full,
but sex drugs and rock and roll,
took their toll.
Because nobody loves her, understands
all this girl wants is a nice and proper guy.
and all she finds is herself asking why?
as she cries and cries, and dies inside,
as something else grows,
grows from her recklessness
she was only 17,
and thats how she wrecked life for me
because that girl was anything but me.

Mundayne, restless, bored
i need a pick me up
because im the whore,
and im out of luck
because i dont remember the night before
because i dont want to be the mother,
the mother of a baby whos father
she never saw.
But its ok... drink another vodka,
im not a whore,
its not ever happened before
so why not?
im 17,
its ok.


jimmy eat world-work

All I can say
I should of said
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time

Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you
Work and play but never okay
To mix the way we do






Passive Resistor-sinch

Cozy in this home, burnt up swollen pains
Fear is on the plate but you can't recognize the danger that you've gotten yourself in
Do as I'm told not for long
But on the mattress, I had a good time
I can't remember she wore the same brands as everyone else
That's why I don't mind if she deciphers the lines
Welcome to the despair, this is my trophy room
And fear is on the plate but you can't recognize the anger as it builds beneath the skin
because it's fucking mine
But on the mattress, I had a good time
I can't remember, she wore the same brands as everyone else
That's why I don't mind, if she deciphers the lines
I guess it's alright to be scared because fear has a funny way of killing me slowly but
I know you too well, to expect the truth wouldn't fall apart
I might as well lie to myself, at the top of my fucking lungs, my fucking lungs
Tear to pieces everything you've ever known about this world
Your preconceived notions,
conceited emotions will never see the light of day and
Of all the things we're distanced from, who'd of thought it'd be ourselves
We're hypnotized, well look outside we'll never be the same again.



[heart of the sun]
when darkness falls,
lonliness calls,
and shadows creep across these walls.

the sun is bleeding
i am screaming,
all alone, nevermore.

Just a face in the crowd,
up in the clouds,
wont come down.
silent though i scream so loud.

Razor wired kisses ,
tear me to pieces.
To keep my torment at peace
short term release.

The sun it bleeds,
its bleeds for me.
For my silent tragedy.
The times i could have used,
the years i have abused.

I have not lived,
and the heart of the sun,
no longer beats for me.





you thought you had stolen my heart, but it was mine to give away







me and my best friend in thw whole world [Black cherry] at our yr 11 ball last yr ...


the crow
true love is forever...

sleep is for the weak, besides i got better things to think about....


razor blade army




friends... of me!
[Black cherry] or [Thallium] my bestest friend..... go snails in the bakers oven!!
[Whimsything] its ok cus we have both don so many bad things.....stop now wait a minute mr postman....
[lady sybil] i think we should start a death metal band.... dddeeaattthhhh, fffuuuccckkk... rraaahhhhhh!
[dark prince] not even goin to bother catching up on the piercing count now..... :p
[veritatis] hehehe ur so kewl..... and ur now in the art room as much as me....
[sure thing]...... please let me know the days ur driving so i can wrap myself in a blanket and rock gently to myself .... its ok they cant get me here
[tryst] erm... likewise lol
[*daisyfreak*] we have a univeral language..... {her}how r u...{me} ehhh.... {her}oh shit she's sone something silly again....
[*HALO*?] hehehe my lil friend... love ya ems!
[Bumble bear] kewlio friendio.... we can bitch together!!
[Mr Sniper] memories of mill park... wait i have no memories of mil park, no wait i dont have any,.... i was wasted!!
[^_^] jantes boyfriend... crazy dude.. cans oif beer and mill park.......
[Quinn Redwood] we shall have to go back to the castle again soon.
[Orgasmo] cool uni buddy....
[Gunn] just plain nice
[mr biggles] weve only just started talkin agaain but its cool..
[RAGE!!!] my form buddy... well not that either of us actually go to registration....
[Ambeth Morganna] we dont get a chance to speak much but shes given me great advice at the worst of times...
[Wrath of the phoenix]hehehehehehehehehehehe sweety!! ;P

[this is not me]
misforune comes, misfortune goes.
Misfortune fades, misfortune grows.
it wells inside to an extent no one knows.
For i am of my own, on my own
because i deny to myself that i am alone.
For i am just a girl, eager and willing,
even though through it i stare at the ceiling.
This guy in my bed does he know me,
does he have enough knowledge to show me,
who i am?
do i even know who i am?

Misfortunes comes, misfortune stays
misfortune comes in many ways
awake at night, thinking what have i done,
all i wanted was a bit of fun.
Now i have abused myself
put my emotions on a high self,
where they cant be touched
where i cant be touched
because i know no bodu cares
who i am
do i even know who i am?

I sit in the corner, hearing the words
about me and my habits around those,
who want me for who i am, as it seems
but in my dreams,
i am someone else
someone strong someone sweet,
an innocent girl wanting to be swept of her feet.
thats really who i am

But as i lie awake,
knowing all my self esteem is fake.
This stranger lying beside me
doesnt know me, on the contary,
he thinks this means nothing to me
that there is nothing to see.
if only he tried to look,
he would find the real me,
who i am

I climb out of bed and slip away
now its just another day.
For tomorrow will be just the same,
wake up with someone,
doesnt know my name,
let alone who i am
do i even know who i am.

All i know is this is not me.
theres more to me than this.
Who am i?



a convo i had wid [Black cherry] so damn random had put it up

[me:]bah ill drown my sorrow in mince pies!!

[amy:]awwwwwwwwwww stay away from the mince pies hun.. trust me! they're evil! once they have u in their grasp... there's no escaping their minted-spie-goodness!

[me:]oh but there so good.. am life a moth to a light bulb...... *zap*

[amy:]lmao i think I'm gonna have to buy a fly-zapper thingy hehehe.

[me:]no... ill probably do sumthin stupid and try to lick it or sumthin...... r.i.p..............

[amy:]lol omg! that's how i wanna die!!!!!

[me:]hehehe oh no i would much rather something like my maths teachers near fate... cause of death..... ham!!! like that story bout some guy being killed by a frozen leg of pork... then the murderer defrosted it and ate it.... goodbye murder weapon..!! or slipping on a banana skin... origional!!!!


[amy:]lol oh yes hehehe. that'd b a good idea heheheh. so great! I still think that when i die i wanna b frozen, broken up into little bits.. put into the ground.. then be grown into a tree!! hehe

[me:]damn hippy.... hehe i wana die be cut up into little bits and sold as sainsburies finest dogfood..... at least i went to some good.... could alternatly give my organs away ... but i think the dogs need them more.... hehehe .... im insane ..... :S


broken hearts


Now Or Never- Three days grace

In this time are we loving
Or do we sit here wondering
Why this world isn’t turning round
It’s now or never

We have no use
For the truth
And now’s the time for us to lose
Who we are and how we’ve tried
Taking every step in stride
It now or never to decide









this is the design for my first tattoo...


(jimmy eat world)-"i know what i should
do, but i just cant walk away...."


I NEVER
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(_) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(X) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(_) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(X) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(X) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(X) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(_) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(_) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(x) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(X) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER BEEN SKYDIVING
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPSTER DIVING
(_) I NEVER WALKED IN ON FRIENDS HAVING SEX
(x) I NEVER WALKED IN ON MY PARENTS HAVING SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT HAVING SEX
(_) I NEVER LIED JUST TO COVER MY OWN ASS
(_) I NEVER CUT SOMEONE AND MADE THEM BLEED
(X) I NEVER TOLD SOMEONE I LOVED THEM JUST TO MAKE ME OR THEM FEEL BETTER OR LIED ABOUT LOVEING SOMEONE PERIOD
(X) I NEVER EGGED A RANDOM CAR
(_) I NEVER BEEN TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN THE BACKSEAT OF A POLICE CAR
(_) I NEVER EGGED A RANDOM HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN EXPELLED/SUSPENDED
(_) I NEVER CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.........
(_) I NEVER TOLD SOMEONE I HATED THEM TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT I LOVE THEM

night wish-ghost love score
"My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever"





[oppression]
what i see,
forever memory.
What i do,
and how i lie
is this part of me?
i must decide.
For i am me,
and only i can see,
the real me.

Once i loved,
and then i lost,
for a moment happy,
at what cost?
i must distrust,
or i'm forever lost.

Once i tried,
but then i failed,
chased my tail,
once more its time,
to set sail
Far far away from here,
its whats good for me.
Never more to be near,
to the life, created by fear


this is another one of my tattoo designs.....





I Miss You - incubus
To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
to know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me
that I can't explain
so would I be out of line, if I said
I miss you

I see your picture, I smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days
but already I am wasting away

I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care
and I miss you
(I miss you)








me, i was brought up with a biker background. Ever since i was little ive been going to family rock concerts wid my mum and dad, before they split up, things like mayfest and Padbury festival as well as things like Bull dog bash (watching my dad race on his harley) which i was also riding since the age of 4, with my little crash helmet complete with flame motif. i was brought up on zz top, the hamsters, led zeppelin and black sabbath so all in all my upbringing was pretty cool... considering i spent most of it in a bright orange tent in the middle of a field full of bikers.......... not many people can say that.......maybe 1 day ill be able to afford my own bike... i would love a black classsic harley.... the best bike for cruising.... myabe ill even have enuff money for a triumph... another bike my dad had, very rare and expensive ...... but i can dream!







height: 6'1, i know i know.............



Piercing(s):14, ears 11 (tragus,2 cartilage piercings, 6 lobe piercings and scaffolding)nose, navel 4 times(3 came out so i only got one now :( middle of bottom lip and tongue

Tattoo: yeah just got one...hehehe ...ouch if u havent notcied there is a pic of it on the top of my page..





tattoos



loves-
.black clothes... but no im not a goth!!
.my bedroom
. Waking up to someone you love, and knowing they feel the same
.the matrix
.Moulon rouge
.sleepy hollow
.queen of the dammed
.The nightmare before christmas
.American pie
.The hole
.madhouse
.Titan AE
.cinema paridisio
.scary movie.
.drawing
.the oak, the swan and the shoulder of mutton!!!
.reading (Stephen King, Peter Straub, Malorie Blackman, Anne Rice)
.Vodka and lots of it!!!
.incubus
.silverchair
.jerry cantrell
.seether
.metallica
.dave mathews band
.korn
.minus
.feeder
.fony
.p.o.d
.powerman 5000
.fluke
.prodigy
.spineshank
.black sabbath
.inme
.lost prophets
.audioslave
.ratm
.bullet for my valentine (seen touring with 36cf's)
.the vines
.white stripes
.machine head (that ive seen live woo!)
.billy talent
.hoobostank
.evanescence
.deftones
.coal chamber
.The union underground
.sinch
.foo fighters
.36 crazyfists (have seen live)
.led zeppelin
q.o.t.s.a
.pearl jam,
.disturbed
.godsmack
.red hot chilli peppers
.opeth
.rammstein
.soil,
.s.o.a.d
.linkin park (that ive also seen live, a very longtime ago)
.stone sour
.nirvana
.3 days grace
.ill nino
.puddle of mudd (seen live)
.staind
.stiltskin
.papa roach
.afi
.pitchshifter
The music
.The ga ga's
.glassjaw
.guns n' roses
. jimmy eat world
.ministry
and anything on the queen of the damed soundtrack hehe (and all the matrix soundtracks too)
.elftown
.art/drawing
.school holidays
.swimming
.gigs,
.friends
.mind altering substances
.being loved
.getting dressed up
.films
.cd's
.night out in oxford
.mill park
.makeup
.piercings
.tattoos
and high motabalism (thank god i have it or i may b 20 stone by now....)


sluts
this is all im worth....


Hates- false hope, being cold, being ignored,users, not being in a relationship, feeling un loved, expensive cd's, that stuff they wrap cd's with, long intros to songs on cd's, people not texting back, having no money, people who judge character by appearance, and business studies(dont do it!!!)




neway i better stop typing cause its just crap
spouting out now, and ur probably bored of me nowspecially if u got to this stage!. If you want to know anything else stupid and unnessasary about me then all u have to do is ask, honest!!



jack rocks




lestat

bikers garage

its all about the pain

hopeless romantics

godsmack fans unite


led zeppelin fans unite





(oopsie had a wiki joining binge.........)
U REACHED THE END........................... will have to make u a medal or something.......... man u have patients........... im making more to read 4 u rnt i? ...................hehehehe

hrm havent had a chance to write in here, but its ok cus i know no1 reads it, thats not why i write in here. erm my stepdads got cancer again.., and as a result of his ever chnaging moods i mite get thrown out onto the street at any given time. erm i miss my dad havent seen him for like a month and hes depressd cus his fiance is breaking up with him after 6 years and his job is going downhill. im gona miss having another mother figurea round dont know wot its going to be like without her. Things with me are erm... ok.... i have been happy and ive also felt like shit this week i dont know how to cope with some aspects of life, school work emotions, friends the sheer boredom i have been facing and of course life at home, and how can i stop it all getting ontop of me ..... i wish i was a little kid again when i only had to worry about the little things and life just seemed to ease along......

told everyone my family my friends the scratches on my face were caused by walking into a tree wen i was drunk... and im sorry i lid but i felt i had to... its not true... it was strange uncontolable urge to mutilate myself... my stupid ugly face..... and the drunk bit was right... i was drunk when i did it and that just amplified all my feelings.
There is no prospect for me here anymore, i sat by my window today watching the blizzard outside and i just thought why am i here? why cant i be somewhere else. I hate this place the boring everydayness is getting me down... there is nobody here for me.... and thats too frightingly obvious...... but i can leave... theres nothing i can do...

one word./...... NIEVE!!!!!!!


duh!! caz u idiot... he doesnt like u, he doesnt even find you attractive your just easy and its the best your goin to get..... he want a no strings attached... but in feel like a stupid fucking whore, cus thats all im going to ever be... i dont think i can take the lack of love for me at the moment.... ive cut way 2 much recently.....

just everyone stay away from me for a bit, im weak and im out of control,... and please dont ask me how i got the huge cut across my face, because you probably already know. i cant stop myself. so i wont talk, i havent been sleeping and am snappy and i dont want to say anything horrible to anyone.
want to crawl into a lil hole... and wait till everything is ok again and im away from this place in my mind.

misforune comes, misfortune goes.
Misfortune fades, misfortune grows.
it wells inside to an extent no one knows.
For i am of my own, on my own
because i deny to myself that i am alone.
For i am just a girl, eager and willing,
even though through it i stare at the ceiling.
This guy in my bed does he know me,
does he have enough knowledge to show me,
who i am?
do i even know who i am?

Misfortunes comes, misfortune stays
misfortune comes in many ways
awake at night, thinking what have i done,
all i wanted was a bit of fun.
Now i have abused myself
put my emotions on a high self,
where they cant be touched
where i cant be touched
because i know no bodu cares
who i am
do i even know who i am?

I sit in the corner, hearing the words
about me and my habits around those,
who want me for who i am, as it seems
but in my dreams,
i am someone else
someone strong someone sweet,
an innocent girl wanting to be swept of her feet.
thats really who i am

But as i lie awake,
knowing all my self esteem is fake.
This stranger lying beside me
doesnt know me, on the contary,
he thinks this means nothing to me
that there is nothing to see.
if only he tried to look,
he would find the real me,
who i am

I climb out of bed and slip away
now its just another day.
For tomorrow will be just the same,
wake up with someone,
doesnt know my name,
let alone who i am
do i even know who i am.

All i know is this is not me.
theres more to me than this.
Who am i?