hmmmm well yes as many people know..or maybe they dont things havent been great for me recently... they have been up and down... an these last few daqys are no different. Sunday nite, fun drunken debauchery, game envolving taking of clothing and devil horns.....but the morning wasnt so fun......... lets not even go there shall we? monday nite.. tired bored dreading going on holiday and sitting in the dark on my own... thinking y the fuck am i still here, its not like its going to get any better..... if it wasnt for the grief of others i would end everything and put my mind at rest, which i have been thinking alot about recently, but wouldnt go through with unless under extreme circumstances, im not that selfish......
Holiday envolved cold, screaming little brats, pervy townie lifeguards, and a very small badly themed room i had to share with my dad and lil sister (which i spent alot of time in considering the complete lack of entertainment during the evening) yes alton towers hotel iws pretty shit, dont do it unless ur under 6, dont know why i let my dad drag me there.... he tries so hard bless him woulednt want to hurt his feelings..... so this has been my few days..... can u c why im getting tired of things..... to top it all off as soon as i got back i had to start work on my fucking art projec\t..... which will now and always suck!!!!
hmmm havew been invited to jennys again fri... maybe i will have a little more fortune than that very early monday morning......
thoughts for the last few days:
and the point is......................?
would you be sued in court for kicking a little annoying child in the head repeatidly?
hmmmm... some things to think about...... as my step dad told me just the other day...... sort ur fucking life out........ maybe one day i will.....

am in a transition mode.. am not wuite sure if i feel happy or sad, and if this weekend is going to turn out good or not so good.... got another ear piercing today ive got 10 piercings all together, im catching up will, slowly!!! This is not how i should be spending my friday nite...

as things havent got ne better in my family (ANTI DEPRESSENT ARE A BATARD!!) i have submerged myself i a myst of art and ceramics coursework... well maybe not submerged just floating ontop of it maybe. There are a few things... or i spose i should say people helping me through this... otherwise i feel i mite have already relapsed into my old yr 10 self.... the agnsty, sad kinda quiet scared little girl i used to be. I feel i am always thanking the same people but i cant help it to make them realise their support, companionship... and just their presence is so much apreciated and most of all welcomed. my fiends you have brought me out the last few years and help me become the real, sarcastic loud.occasionally abusive me... thankyou all.... beccy,amy,jenny,esther,sarah,emma,janet,laura, all you guy love ya mwah!! and will.... u may not know it but u have changed me... in a good way of course i used to feel like i wasnt ever good enough for anyone and no body could ever love me for who i am and look past the hard, spikey shell that is my appearance.... and im so glad u did cause im really falling 4 u.... and u make me so happy *smiles* so for me life is good... but only for the fear of it crashing down again back to where it was... and my family is majorly screwed up but they cant make me screwed up, because i am my own person... and i know i can always step back from that mess that is a group of my relations.. and look for my friends and my boyfriend to make me forget about everything...... i know this has been yet another pretentious misspelt rant but it is good to finally thank everyone in full.... for all those mentioned have pciked me up again and again from what ever mess ive sunk myself into... and without them i dont know if id even be here.....

wow the shits goin down in my family... i shudnt really say anything.. but something serious is happening. My step dads talking his company to court cause hes being intimnidated and made to do stuff he cant cause of his disabilities... and some other horrible stuff and now he is afraid to go to work and has been diagnosed with severe angsiety and depression...... great just fucking great... managed to get out of this parents evening thing... but my mum and dad hate eachother so much they couldnt evn talk 2 my fuckin tutor at the same time... makes me feel like a rite idiot....... plus i think my nose piercing is infected....... think wednesday............ keep thinkin bout wednesday will all be ok......

wednesday was a amzing... but this is friday and things are crap i feel ill and have a great weekend at my dads.... hes in a bad mood at me due tom certain circumstances..... bah! nastyness plus probably wont get to c will all weekend... school is really starting to piss me off... polus my headphones have just broken.. am at west in my design lesson and i have to walk all the way home in the rain bah lifes a bitch sum times byez xx

my eldest step sister just phoned and apoligised to everyone... which is weird since she hasnt spoken to ne1 in the last 8 munths moved away to live with her mum (who no1 else talks 2 cause shes a money pinchin bitch) told her all bout us and our personal life....didnt ask me bout my exams...... or nethin... and she stole loads of our stuff b4 she left.... and she just phoned up and apoligised..... he sounded as if she was forcing herself... i think she wants somethin.... y is my family so screwed up??