wow the shits goin down in my family... i shudnt really say anything.. but something serious is happening. My step dads talking his company to court cause hes being intimnidated and made to do stuff he cant cause of his disabilities... and some other horrible stuff and now he is afraid to go to work and has been diagnosed with severe angsiety and depression...... great just fucking great... managed to get out of this parents evening thing... but my mum and dad hate eachother so much they couldnt evn talk 2 my fuckin tutor at the same time... makes me feel like a rite idiot....... plus i think my nose piercing is infected....... think wednesday............ keep thinkin bout wednesday will all be ok......

wednesday was a amzing... but this is friday and things are crap i feel ill and have a great weekend at my dads.... hes in a bad mood at me due tom certain circumstances..... bah! nastyness plus probably wont get to c will all weekend... school is really starting to piss me off... polus my headphones have just broken.. am at west in my design lesson and i have to walk all the way home in the rain bah lifes a bitch sum times byez xx

my eldest step sister just phoned and apoligised to everyone... which is weird since she hasnt spoken to ne1 in the last 8 munths moved away to live with her mum (who no1 else talks 2 cause shes a money pinchin bitch) told her all bout us and our personal life....didnt ask me bout my exams...... or nethin... and she stole loads of our stuff b4 she left.... and she just phoned up and apoligised..... he sounded as if she was forcing herself... i think she wants somethin.... y is my family so screwed up??

hmmm todays been kinda crap soo much work and ive had a crappy headache all day bleah!!! that is my thought for today cant be arsed to do nethin...... oh well wed tomorrow get 2 c will woho!

bah have loads of art and english bloody homework!!!! plus my parents are being annoying again... but wait they actually sed yes yto me going out new years eve.....!!!!!! sooo great considering ;last new yrs eve was sepnt playing trivial persuit with my step mums parents.... and at midnight sitting outside on my won in this boring little village my dad lives in in the middle of the knowhere... and at midnite iwatching some distant fireworks.... drinking the only alcohol available to me ...... alchopops!!! so u can see y im soo happy..... seeing as last yr i missed out on the most amazing party at amys.... ah well this yr will be different.... ans everything this year has been different... in a good way that is.... u all know why by now......
woho! nearly wed!.....

hey hey people1 im back im strangly tanned and in a better mood............. so thats all good.... am also wooryingly looking forward to sixth form... hey i just get to do art and english all day!!!! will c most of u results da horribly drunk ........ byezxx

i am such a fool.... was looking at a certain sum1's diary on another site and saw an entry about a yr old, it was so like what happened with me and him that i nearly cried.....i was just another young girl to him.....everything he said about her was nothing dissimilar to me..... i was nothing special to him, and i did stupid things, im such slut..he really did convince me i could be happy with him...... pulled the wool over my eyes as everyone does..... cause im so easily used..... ill never be special to neone... im just stupid and fat and ugly...... my step mum told me i was over weight yesterday and havent eaten since... am really dreading wearing a bikini on holiday im going to look like an idiot as i always do..... why cant things work rite for me??? Am cutting again.... sorry everyone but im just in such an awful state of mind , nobody will ever love me in the way i so much crave.im fat and ugly neway y the hell cant i? it wont make ne difference.nobody cares enuff to notice neway... ha! my family dont know me well enuf to even notice...... and im not going to councilling again....... im going to jamaica very early tuesday morning and i hope it can put me in a better mood cause at this moment in time i feel like crying my eyes out........................ no wait am crying my eyes out. Am listening to sad music all on my own at my dads feeling like apsolute shit......... if only this certain person knew how hes made me feel..... no1 should have to feel like this.......i did really fall for him....... will have to wear my sweat band on holiday... dont want my parents to find out this is happening again.... its not their fault and i want them to think im happy for them at their wedding...........if it wasnt for my family and freinds (and i know i have the best of friends neboy could ever hop for)i dont know what id do........ welll i do and it would involve being stereotypically teenagery and ending life early...... sounds stupid i know but thats how i feel......... sorry bout this rant but i feel it nessesary..........neway adieu better stop crying before my parents get back.........cu all wen i get back..............................if i do............................

miss you,
all the world in once i lived.
concieved with eager eyes,
shadows have crept unknowingly,
that was once green, now rots,
for you were my world,
for all to see,
full of shattered memories.

I am a lonely child,
huddled in a corner,
afraid and lone,
afraid of the world,
and whats its become,
the darkness grows,
colder.
for all to see,
my soul has died,
and if i live,
i will not see.

miss you,
love you, hate you

god just read all my diary entrys ... im all over the fucking place i can never make up my mind.... im good as i could be considerin circumstances and things rnt amazing but theyre not shit.......... so sum it all up ..... meh! not just a random noise it tells you a hell of a lot about someones mood!

god damn it... why does life have to be soo confusing... im in a void of emotions... and i doubt nethin i dream up will ever happen...... why do i not know what to do.... and why am i feeling this... i shouldnt be feeling this... why? cause its going to end in heart break as per usual... my messed up dreams and my fantasies of the mind... theyre screwing with me.... im just a puppet on a string... flung around, and then left once i get boring rhhhh! why am i even thinking this.... GET OVER IT ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN!!

uknow what i dont give a shit about him nemre got me a new admirer whos actaully not an arsehole... and hes better looking neway :P i dont have time to be sad im feelin fucking great! got a cool new lip ring.. and my hair is now clack with orange streaks tres cool!! hehehehe life is good feelin fine, despite a certain someone and its great ... more piercings very soo.. getting more in my ears and my nose done! and life is how i like it... mite invite this new guy done to peoples free houses very soon so watch this space!!!!

yup i jinxed it..... that lasted long didnt it............ fuck oh well this always happens to me i shud be used to it by now.....................................................damn

things are great...... cept i am stuck at home all day and developing this strange claustrophobic feeling :S exams are fine me and jim are fine (well better than fine.... its been 5 days and already im missin him like crazy after not seein him for 2 dyas)