theres still a little dissapointment in the air
theres still this change i have come to fear
not wanting to feel our goodbye kiss
not wanting to see our farewell tear
and when this is all you've known to have left
and when all you want is our world to not stray
feeling these are our lost whispered words
feeling these are our last hopes slipping away
pardon me- by incubus
i guess its a pyromanics famous way to die!
shouting these whipers while scarring
shouting these whispers
and still you strain not to hear
these whispers sound like dripping scars
these words make no sense to us
and here is where we feel the same
just at this point in time we feel my shame...
but still you pretend not to hear!
xX-AcisseJ-Xx
Everybody all my life has told me that i should take responsibility for my actions and they all used the favourite line 'it never is you is it?' Well what is the F*$#ing point when as soon as i do ask for something that involves me taking the responsibility you immediatly take it from me telling me im too young and don't know of the way the world works. Therefore i don't understand... you assume the position 'control freak' again! And i do the usual role of my life the 'dissapointmen
I try to understand but often get it wrong, mixed signals never go down well with a teenager! I do not understand why you don't value my opinion? I feel i should be allowed to stay over jasons house, i trust him and judge him to be good enough to and for me and you never have disaproved! I understood you quite liked him! I am 16 years of age and feel mentally old enough to stay at his house in a seperate room, in seperate beds, with seperate dreams and thoughts (we are different people that respect each other)! Though i can tell you with the permission to stay over does not give me your consent to sleep with Jason (i know your ideals i guess)... you seem to forget that is up to us and you will never have control of that, and no matter how strong our feelings are i don't stick my head in the sand, i know what i want and what i feel. I also dont understand wouldn't you want me to have sex in a loving relationship eventually where there are strong feelings not just a fling! I feel it appropriate you let me grow up and i also feel i cannot talk to you or can never say this to you... for far many reasons prevent me! One day i hope you understand and hope you don't take this the wrong way.. and i can understand why you would want me to wait till after my GCSE's put whats stopping me then?
stop where we stand
to hold you united
fragile as we fall
screaming as we hate
what we do to ourselves
and do onto others
wait as you what thwe clouds
close the doors
and the magnoila curtains
where are pupils never learn..
when this is all we have... we we both doubt what makes us happy, knowing it is good but the worst thing about us both! then to tell me my worst fear: you used to be in love with the girl who i feared you'd ever love? but you don't know how long for... what am i to do but weep? I cried myself into nightmares where i saw the edge of the cliff for me to jump, where you two strolled together smiling laughing and kissing...
stupid thing is it was the dream the night before that you had told me, and i had cried when i feel asleep through the night and when i was to wake.....
shal i just give into your rain... and listen to th complaints that demoralize me leaving me bare and feeling unwanted....
you watched her walking out the house little knowing i would walk with her... even if i couldnt leave! i know this hurts you more than you could ever hurt me..... goodbye!
your not obliged to forgive me
but somehow you always pull through
your not required to love me
but somehow you love me like i love you
your not kept in a confining cage
but you stick by my side, one and two
its not necessary to need me
but i know i need you...
wrote on a spur of the moment type thing lol.... dedicated to jas xxxx
It is an unsual feeling to pack yourself into a lifeless brown, hard and unforgiving cardboard box. Tears streaked down my face as i thought about becoming the 'stranger' again, against my will... and whats worse is saying goodbye. I bared my walls of its posters, drawings and little scriptures and tucked in all the furniture. My room was naked and i felt so vunerable knowing that isn't my space anymore. I have no place to seek sanctuary, or spill my thoughts.
I dread my last hug and kiss goodbye, knowing it will be the best feeling knowing how much all my friends care, that overwhelming sense of pride that i belong... to then feel it ripped away from me like lies from a murderer's mouth. I feel like my guts are gonna spill into my lap because i feel so ill from heartache! My eyes sting and my throat is swollen and now i feel i cannot stop the tears! This is the biggest mistake my family has ever made i hope they realise what they are doing... tearing me apart, unsetteling the unsettled and depressed teenager... one day we can all hope!
Does it make you envy?
does it make you proud
to talk the world into a paper bag?
spotty stain of im ok your not ok,
yes men too can be on the rag.
Im in over my head i need a pick me up,
its easy to get high when your standing on our backs man,
will anything ever be good enough for you
stand on your own hold your water if you can.
The rides over, did you enjoy yourself,
the rides over fairing well?
The rides over, did you enjoy yourself
the rides over fairing well
not in my time.
It isnt fair to mention,
but it awes the crowd.. your fictional plastic alibis
take another hit,
steal another life
d'ya ever meet a leech who was good at goodbyes
Hey when you were down
i always picked you up
why didnt i recognise that everything
was never fine
im kicking myself that i shared
spit with you!
so fuck yourself and fuck this
bleeding heart of mine
just how im feeling, depressed and its unusual... ive been ill but i feel fine just like whats the point with just trying to make everything good for you when i can't even make sense!
pathetic wheezers of an oldmans cough,
that litters the stale air with change
the card board box keeps him safe
until the next day rains
He has no choice but to
breath a last breathe
an unmistakable shame that
riddles through his bones
that are chilled to the surface
his last glane towards a stormy heaven
shaken by the sound of debt
and what am i too do?
x-AcisseJ-X
pathetic wheezers of an oldmans cough,
that litters the stale air with change
the card board box keeps him safe
until the next day rains
He has no choice but to
breath a last breathe
an unmistakable shame that
riddles through his bones
that are chilled to the surface
his last glane towards a stormy heaven
shaken by the sound of debt
and what am i too do?
I Hope You All understand
that's the last time
i close my dark eyes
and try to forget
these lonely, dark lies
for fear to overcome
and for you to understand
you'll have to listen up
listen to personal demand
When was the last time
you heard a saint breathe
felt safe to let go
put this bandage on your sleeve
because this is the last time
for living this dream
you'll ever see me hurt
because this is where is seems...
X-AcisseJ_-X
Something Inside (So Strong)
The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The further you take my rights away
The faster I will run
You can deny me
You can decide to turn your face away
No matter 'cause there's
Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone... oh no
There's something inside so strong
Something inside so strong
The more you refuse to hear my voice
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time
You squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly it will blind you
Because there's
Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone... oh no
There's something inside so strong
Something inside so strong
Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not good enough
Well, we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
We're gonna do it anyway
We're gonna do it anyway
Because there's
Something inside so strong
I feel sick,
Sicker than I have ever before,
Flooding as it rolls down ur sleeves.
It's The Deepest red,
Bloods thicker but less worthy to you,
As you watch it flush out the pain.
Patterned hatred,
Comes Rolling in with your everyword,
I can hear in just the tone of your voice.
Mental Breakdowns,
They're more than just two words on a line,
They're the very thoughts within your mind.
And The happiness,
Your Denial of everthing your thinking,
The things your scared to admit to me.
Your Realization cause,
You want to be so happy so very much,
But God likes to play his games with you,
With your incarnation,
And your every scatter of ash,
We remember your sacred touch with words,
You dont regret it,
You should be given the armour to protect,
Your skin from metal or wooden shards,
But noones invincible,
Nobody lives forever anymore, accept it,
But live it without a single stain,
Or scarred tissue,
Of every dream that ever shattered,
The glass broke in your eye.
Letting, Leaving the escaping Light.
A broken Image,
Tears in my heart rise upwards again,
Until there stuck in my throat.
A broken Record,
Where all you hear is screaming,
And all the video shows is your waterfall.
Your dilusional,
But its never been your fault,
You even remember exactly what happened.
Your candle has been blown out.
In Stormy Nights,
Taking the Soul from your rigged body,
And taking the light from your room,
Hiding away,
Sittin in your own vast imagination,
Planning your own reincarnation.
Those Scratches,
They hurt me far more than they do you,
They slash my veins deeper than if you died.
Seeing Red,
But Its just the curtains resting on your pupils,
The ones that stay closed until it's only black.
Pain is pain,
And nothing about it is even nearly real,
So then how can this hurt so fucking much?
One Liners,
So effective when we use them correctly,
But so often neither you nor I can understand,
Each Other,
In our own worlds where they know us,
But lets cross into our fiery eyes,
Rise Above It,
If I let the Flame take the clouds away,
Please let the smoke rings kill me my own way,
Let them leave me here so happy,
So calm and peaceful as i lay,
Right here, And leave them gazing at me expresionless,
In my favourite box of purple velvet,
Please stay . . . .
I want it so they are left With nothing to say.
By Jason Redford- i guess all can say is sorry but what do you do, what can you do when sorry will never be enough...
i sit shaking
making out its all ok
and when life is taking
all that matters
i fade away
no more fun
no time to play
no shame in love
its all an endless day
well im breaking out
this heat too hot
this pain... wont bare my soul
to be continued...