acts that i damn... acts that remind... acts that survive.... acts of suicide... ill just wait an hide in the vines in this special place... they cuddle, strangle and mangle this broken,torn and twisted person! Nameless with no face... and no way to trace it's soul! pass it by like love held out on a platter! silver like the knife to cut the bread and the wine... feast on scarlet tears of fears and your all see'ers and you just pass by ignoing... the naivity, the blood splatter, but what does it matter? it shall never happen to me.... one day you'll regret and you'll see!

shouldering this empty beat... thats so loud i can feel it in my ribs on my lungs... yet it sounds just like silence! i cannot even hear my own thoughts though there are those voices...

carve the name on my arm... bleeds... let it bleed... let it drip,and allow me to fall and slip through your grip and shudders and rebound of these cracking tiles! Cracking like my fingers as they push me up to regain the last bit of dignity...pride doesn't over whelm because all i see is your shame.... and your all ashamed of me x

what religion, direction or new belief, will cause me to strive forward...and make more sense of this riddle that i encounter on every year, on every week, on every second? what makes sense to me is not alot but i have the memory and the 'want' to hope for so much more... enabling me to finally and eventally make that step! that leap of faith, the crunch time! when i touch the floor again will it support me and will your arms catch me?

so so very alone trapped in this unstable and shaken body... where you left my thoughts to roam... they scattered like when you scattred my ashes across the waterfall, symbolising my dashed hopes and dreams cut short from completion due to a errie death. Like the frozen water plunging into the pool, just another teenage suicide, a mutilated and morbid story currupted by young dilusional love! Well i wish the love had blinded, made me feel whole and stopped me from jumping, i thought the noose would hold me together... i thought you promised to hold me forever but my heart grew old became worn, and began to tether... withering away... as the heart beat stops so did my life and all that counted was lost............

you know when you think you have it completly sussed and everyting is perfect, ok it has the normal ups and downs, but for once its not a bad month.. till a few unsuspected hours past by and suddenly you discover nothing is as it seems... and i could never say im sorry enough! i make mistakes like any human being but then again no normal human would see it from my point of view and now i see now, how much i have officially and well and truely cocked up! and im still paying for it and im still saying goodbye and im still saying im sorry..........

spilling emotions onto bare pages... that just cry to be infected with my hate lol...

there is a reassurance here
that my words wont fall off
these lines holding me together
even if there is a war i can't win
theres a saftey net called 'you'
when there is no place called home
and only a shrowd to hold you
you'd still love me in ashes.....

got da dress got da dress!!! woot woot and i love it to bits!!!!! its a bodess with a long flowing skirt!!! very nice well i fink anyways!!!!!

to love....
growing louder and louder
in this silence i can't bare
heavier on thine shoulders
this weight will start to tear
what was once a loving heart
now tired seases its beats
for once you said you loved me
in a warm embrace in sheets
thats the last time i heard you breathe
now left long gone staring at my feet
for one more glance is heaven
i spill this tear for when we wont meet

hey agen... me and jas on break, and it sucks......... hes got a girl inviting him back to her house and shit.... and he talks about her ALOT it so sucks..... i fknk he likes him what do i do???????

i aitn wrote in ere for yonks!!!!!!!! lol how is my lil diary *strokes diary* prrrr...... sorry for neglecting you!!!! well me and jas are still togeva and we'v been thru the good and da bad and we are still managing lol!! bless us *sighs* .... well hmmmmmm my life has been a bit hectic recently revising for exams and stuff..... poor lil jason is ill and a miss him... gawd so pathetic my life is?!?!?!?! lol wb j xxxx

im in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with Jason redford!!!! [Voodoo Chile] xxxxxxxxx

am feelin ok compared 2 the last cuple days, skewl found out d@ i felt suicidal n rang home tellin ppl, am not particularly happy bowt d@ cos all i get now is "are you ok?" like they even care. but i majorly miss my lad, i neva did wit ne1 b4 but all i wanna do is sit n jus tlk wit him!!!!!!!! o well doesnt mattr neway!!!!!!! xxxx

am feelin way bttr 2day... bin @ work tho ... n sum1 rang me @ 9:30 which really annoyed me !!!! but apart from d@ i feel way bttr!!!!

life was really gd 2 dayz ago i realised d@ sum1 wasnt as bad as they seemd... their gr8 i wont mention him cos he mit not want me 2 mention it!!!! tho we did hav a gr8 time n hes a cool dude.... he even made me feel kinda ok wit myself, i felt comfortable... n i went 2 a party n havin a laff i went 2 the toilets lukd in the morror and for sum odd reason i burst in2 tears now i feel shitter than eva!!!! i jus wish i culd b normal n stop bein a freak and control myself!!!!! i kno i sound paffectic but no1s on so i hav 2 do summit or am gonna burst! well cya's all neway luv jessy xxxxxxx

life is shit!!! y is it everytime i write in ere its depressin stuff. neway... i wish i culd trust myself 2 reveal myself but am scared id scare the shit outta myfriends.. it always brings me down... i need sum1 2 tlk to bt the only ppl that kno and understand are manicaly depressd as well so they got problems of their own...i loathe myself so much for wot ive done etc... n the worst thing is i kinda feel sorry for myself but i want it all 2 end!!!