ET: Member blog

[Shishiru]'s diary

880870 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2006-11-30
Written: (7131 days ago)

wahahaha..ha....ha...... ._.

880729 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2006-11-30
Written: (7131 days ago)

*dances*

871393 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-11-05
Written: (7155 days ago)

Next in thread: 871402

The beating rhythm
my heart beats so quickly
I cannot stop it
it beats so fast
faster and faster

This feeling i feel, its like magic
happening before my eyes
I cant explain it
Those eyes
those beautiful brown eyes
almost a red in shade

That red hair
not quite taken care of
but soft nonetheless
I run my hand through it
like water
it's heaven

My heart beats harder
it begins to hurt
it's sore, and bleeding
I do things i regret
i beat the shit out of myself
because i feel so terrible

You are full of an innocence
such as the most beautiful of gems
Your personality glows
i am engulfed
Im surrounded by warmth
though however,
i am undeserving of it

Your smile melts my heart
it slips between my ribs
the warmth that ive barely known
that smile,
it fills me
is this love?

We were together
before we ever met
you ran into my arms,
and almost knocked me into
the man standing behind me.
We had a great time,
but by the time it was time to go
i could only smile

I wasnt sure how i could do it
seeing those tears in your eyes
i avterted my gaze,
tried to make you think
of happier things,
but...
i couldnt do it for myself.

I wanted to burst out,
as i left that runway
I wanted to turn
run back into your arms
stay with you forever...
but I forced a smile
and kept my composure
to only cry a day later
when i couldnt do a thing
because i was so far away
and slowly being crushed
to death
by the severe weight
of my sadness

i slept right away on my floor
i felt my life draining
i was exhausted
but i was content
but i felt as if my heard was to bleed
nobody noticed my state but you
but you...
i could only hear your voice
through the tiny device i carry
you could not see me
not like the others...

My heart still aches
i want to hold you close
kiss your soft lips once again
so please...
try hard for me
as i will for you.
This is my driven soul
i am determined
I know what i want
and what i charish...

to them it's invisable
they dont know my pain
i smile for them
and i tell them
'nothings wrong'
but in truth
my heart is empty...
i need your love, your affection
even if i were to bathe in your shadow
i would bathe untill i could not
and drown in my own tears

so try...my angel...
for me...for us...
...my love...

[the truth to my feelings...now you know...guys...how much i truly hurt when i cry and smile at the same time...but...i dont want you to worry...because im safe...in her arms...]

871386 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-11-05
Written: (7155 days ago)

The outside world is taunting me. I hope tomoarrow goes so much better! I want someone to come up to me, and actually be happy to see me, happy that im alive! i want more than a 'good morning' or a 'hello' I want them to miss me, to hugs me, to tell me a bigger hello than just a boring old greeting! I need...I dont know...I need something, and it's a strong need! i need to feel...something...I dont know...I feel so...Ordinary, unimportant, unloved, like trash, like nobody notices the real me! I want to have a good day tomarrow, because theres no way to change that part--My shitty begining to the day! it's in the past, and i want a better future damnit!!

870992 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-11-04
Written: (7157 days ago)

Next in thread: 871071

MWAHAHAHAAAA!!! IVE DONT IT!!!!!

I have SUCCESSFULLY opened a PIXIE STICK with just my MOUTH and no SCIZZORS!!! MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! FEAR TEH SHIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

857165 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-09-27
Written: (7195 days ago)

horray for finding out new URL... o.o

856204 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-09-24
Written: (7198 days ago)

My old life as i know it is gone. I must start anew. No longer can i keep up, im running as fast as i can, but triping up has caused all whom i know to run ahead of me. Im left behind, with no one to help pick me up. Im left alone, and no body cares. I dont see them anymore, they've gotten far ahead, i cant see thier faces anymore, even when i try my best. My eyes are clouded by the fact they are too busy for the likes of me. Jobs, friends, lovers, all the more reason ive been kicked when im down, and left in the dirt. Im always here, alone, wasting my life away, and they dont seem to care or worry about me at all anymore. I cannot speak to them, they've moved on so quickly my words cannot reach them. I know not of which they speak...Im alone...i guess thats how they thought of my in the begining...just a small child, wandering in the dark, searching for love and attention...I guess that is what i am, and forever will be...Thanks guys...Im still in the dark, waiting for one of you to turn a smile my way, and hold out a hand, bring me out of my home, and into the light of the outdoors...In all other words...None of my friends i know i can ever truly communicate with anymore...but thanks anyway, all of you...you're probably bored with reading this...so go on, and life your life, and be happy...but do remember how you watched me fall, crying out your names, calling you up-even on a telephone, wanting to see your faces once more, wanting to hang out, wanting to go somewhere with the people i love...Ive even traveled far and dangerous distances for one of you whom may read this, and if you think back on the person you've hurt you'll remember me, and clal me crazy once more for my action...but you've been too busy...with your life...Remember my voice as i cry...This wont change much...but i can try, cant i? Im in pain, and not from a scrapped knee. No. My heart has been torn apart by your actions...some of you need not apply to all my rantings...but...Im more than just another person you've left behind...Im another heart...and another friend...lost and alone, left in my house to rot...thank you...

855386 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2006-09-22
Written: (7200 days ago)

http://ic3.deviantart.com/images3/f/2005/152/4/3/saiyukiyacyac.swf
I am reminded of myself when i get mad at Rikki ([Not Anymore]) and a certain other couple whom these characters represent to me xD

854961 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-09-20
Written: (7201 days ago)

Next in thread: 855332

*yawns* is it january yet?

851292 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-09-10
Written: (7211 days ago)

"whats wrong now?"

-I have a reason to be upset. why must you ask me? I guess it's because im such a great kid and people love me i cant be upset. Well ill tell you, it's because of stupdi ASSHOLES who dont tell me ANYTHING! shit, i thought i was a friend, but it turns out im just some person who likes to bother you! I get it now...just because you've moved on, that makes me just another fucking person? I have feelings too, you prick! I help you through alot of shit! i even put you before myself a good HUNDRED fucking times!! why cant i get any recognition at all?! I thought we were friends...we have been, maybe for only three years, but you wouldnt be where you fucking are today if it wasnt for me!!

"whos messing with you?"

-Im not naming names, Im too fucking nice for any of that shit. I dont want to cause that person anymore fucking pain

"what did they do?"

-Only left me out of everything. Never telling me anything, and going ahead and GLOATING to me about what the HELL THEY DID!!! well i just DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE!!!

851224 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-09-10
Written: (7212 days ago)

To my beloved Rachel, and a few of my other friends--you'll know who you are!!
To the world: Brad Paisley

To the teller down at the bank
You're just another checking account
To the plumber that came today
You're just another house
At the airport ticket counter
You're just another fare
At the beauty shop at the mall
Well you're just another head of hair
Well that's alright, that's ok
If you don't feel important, honey
All I've got to say is

To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world

To the waiter at the restaurant
You're just another tip
To the guy at the ice cream shop
You're just another dip
When you can't get reservations
'Cause you don't have the clout
Or you didn't get an invitation
'Cause somebody left you out
That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important honey
All I've got to say is

To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world

You think you're one of millions but you're one in a million to me
When you wonder if you matter, baby look into my eyes
And tell me, can't you see you're everything to me

That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important honey
All I've gotta say is

To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world

848939 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2006-09-04
Written: (7217 days ago)

Next in thread: 849008, 849674

Sheesh! everyones been showing me up! >< okay then, the entire fucking world is fucking better at EVERYTHING THAN ME!! are you happy?! God! i fucking suck at everything!!! I cant draw, i cant sing, Im no good at any of the shit i like!! so just go ahead, i dont fucking care anymore shit heads!!! [this isnt meant towards everyone...]

845300 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-08-27
Written: (7225 days ago)

HAVE YOU?

1. Smoked a cigarette: no
2. Smoked a cigar: no
3. Snorted coke: no
4. Smoked Weed: no
5. Been high: no
6. Had sex: no
7. Said "I hope you die" to someone: yes (susan xD)
8. Tried to kill someone: no
9. Tried to kill yourself: no
10. Got in a fist fight: no
11. Lied to your parents: maybe my dad xD
12. Given someone a bruise: yes
13. Ditched someone: no
14. Freak danced: maybe...what does that mean?
15. Stole something: not that i can remember that wasnt already stolen from me (susan again --;)
16. Cut yourself: On accident o.O opening one of my moms boxes
17. Skipped school: no
18. Hung up on someone: yes
19. Threw up at school: yes
20. Done someone else's make-up: no...but i did put lipstick on my dad while he was sleeping once
21. Kissed someone of the same sex: yes
22. Had a burping contest: no
23. Snuck out: no
24. Been to a school dance: yes
25. Thought your teacher was hot: maybe o_o

844513 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2006-08-25
Written: (7227 days ago)

Ahhha my fav question:

078: When you die, what will be your last words: nyaaa...i dunno...maybe 'I love you' to my lovers, 'thank you' to my friends, and 'Hah! I suck, im the youngest and im dying before you!' to my family if thier still alive XD

XD i remember that... [Rereading questionare]

840864 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-08-19
Written: (7233 days ago)

IIIIM so HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY yes indeed, very Happy

809806 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-06-17
Written: (7296 days ago)

To all my friends, i leave this note,
to all of those who sat and watched me gloat
"im free, im free, i can finally leave"
but now i sit here, in a corner and grieve.
I left without warning, not even a goodbye.
and on the first day at a new school, all i could do was cry.
They think im better off here, away from it all.
That i could have a perfect life, and no longer have to call.
They helped be stay strong,
when times went wrong.
We always got into fights, or got in trouble together.
I wish we could have stayed together forever.
How can i live without people like you?
So strong, so friendly, and yet strange too.
So here i am asking forgiveness, leaving you a note.
Never again will i say it, never again to gloat.

To my friends in New Hampshire, whom i left behind without thinking...im sorry...

786521 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2006-05-01
Written: (7343 days ago)

*sigh* . . . this week hasnt been so great. . .

753451 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2006-02-24
Written: (7410 days ago)

Next in thread: 773599

~~~~~~~~~
~True Story~
~~~~~~~~~

A Religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage.

The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshipped Satan.

A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.

* If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness. *

i would have kicked that teachers ass --; stupid people... Im Bi myself, so i know how the kid must have felt...people are stupid...just as it somewhat states in my speech on my house. Read it, and learn. If you dont like gay people, than shut your mouths and deal with your own problem, and dont take out your hatred on others, heartless assholes. 'God' as people call him (or whatever, im atheist, so i dotn give a shit) didnt make you hollow, selfish, heartless asswhipes.

750167 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-02-18
Written: (7416 days ago)

poooooootaaaaaaatooooooo!!!!!!!

740285 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-01-29
Written: (7436 days ago)

Next in thread: 740289, 740293

This is directed towards Big brother, Jack, Rikki, Master, and Kisa!

I GOT GOOD GRADES!!!! ^_^ (i dotn have my grade card with me at the moment...so i think these grades are right...)

C+
C+
B-
B+
B
B+
A-

734029 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2006-01-17
Written: (7447 days ago)

Next in thread: 734034

Bad news....

I wont be on for probably a while at a time. My mothers computer's screen crashed, and her boyfriend is being extremely selfish and is only letting me use his for School stuff. I'll try my hardest to beg Susan to let me use hers(she loves me. Im sure she'll let me) untill i can contact [Explicit Lyrics]'s friend and mine, ben, so he can look at our old crashed computer to fix it...Wish me luck everyone u.u

Love
~Your Shi

P.S: Master and Kisa, Ill try to call every once in a while, kk? and you too Tana! love you guys! Bai!!

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