I've been thinking lately about what other people think about...I know it sounds crazy but i cant help but think what goes on in their minds..
For example, when a person attempts to commit suicide what is it in life thats so bad they would want to hurt themselves and others around them? in their last few moments of life do they even consider putting their friends and family through to much... I know some would disagree with me, saying it was too much for them but this is how I feel...
I keep thinking about my dearest friend James who took his own life recently. He never seemed like the person to kill himself but then again some never do.. Everytime I think of him I remember our time in the Square. We were all just sitting and having fun, joking and laughing at each other. Particularly I remember when Joe tried to dig a hole using an empty beer bottle and James turns around and asks if he's trying to dig to china.. when Joe smartly replied,'No, trying to grow a beer tree.' And how we laughed. Then all the guys went over and tried to chat this college student up. Philly was the truimphiant one though, or so he says, cause she ofered him a cigerette. I'll never forget James though, my friend, I didnt know him well but he was always there.
I think of people who are love craved and I think, to hell with them. some just waste their time on some people by offering themselves and seeming like easy whores. What could reduce a person to this level? I donrt know, but I would never be like one of them. If I fall in love with a guy and he doesnt return the love well its his lose, not mine. But then I think of those who become obsessed with people... It starts off as desire and becomes an great obsession, where anything could happen...good or god forbid worse... I dont want to end up like them, I just want to be me. I am who I am, knowing can ever change that...
Well.....First time writing in my diary...Im not going to address it to some imaginary friend like Anne Frank did and its not going to be as good as her's...so....
Today started like any other day, I got up, got dressed and went out. But instead of going to see my friends I went to New Ross, a small town nearby for lunch with the family because its my mothers birthday( I told all my friends to say they think she 35 when really shes 39!!). It was a chinese restruant, so I wasnt too fussy.
Later, when we came home I went to see my friend Danielle or 'Dan the Man' as we call her and Rosie too. We enjoyed a few cigerettes together as we normally do and then returned to mine. Thats when myself and Rosie began to drink some alcohol. I know people think that we are to young to drink but I find it an escape from the real world which I find boring and out dated. Luis joined us for a few more and we all sat there, tipsy but young at heart. I dont particularly fancy Luis but theres something about him that attracts me. Maybe its that sparkle in his eyes or just his cheeky sense of humor I like so much but the feelings there, gnawing at me on the inside.
When everyone decided it was time to go I hugged them goodbye paying more attention to Luis as he is meant to be returning to England tomorrow. Then I came to my room and got lost in my thoughts as I normally do, thinking of all the 'what ifs...and maybes...'. Feeling enough was enough, I thought I'd get over my writers block by writing this down. In some ways it has helped me, writing down feelings and emotions thought of.
But now I shall leave as I must get some sleep. School tomorrow...don
Yours sincerely,
Lorraine