Mood: Pissed
Music: Sound track to Moulin Rouge
Time: 2:38 pm

Well, I hate fake people. Especailly bitches who pretend to be your friend and then treat you like crap when they are around certain people. I have a friend, or I did, that skipped a grade and went on the minimum plan so that she coudl graduate early. So now that she's a senior, she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to treat people, not just me, like shit. I about had to deck her. And I'm not an angry person...usually...I don't know why, but that really pushed my buttons today.

Anyways, ....on a happy note, I jeremy is coming to pick me up so he can burn me a cd. yah! So that's good. course then I have to go to church. grrr. I hate that my parants force religion down my throat. Don't get me wrong. I have a belief, but I don't feel like I should be at the church I am forced to go to. Not only are the people hypocrits, but I feel like I probably know more about the Bible then they do. Which is sad, because they went to school for this stuff. Anyways, I find my self doodling or falling asleep. But, my parents say I have to saport them and their church and I'm terrible person for wanting to go else where. They make me hate church. Which sucks. I don't hate all churches. Just this one. I feel like it's hindering me rather than helping me or enlightening me.

So ya....let's see...anything else? hmmmm...nope can't think of anything peace out.

Mood: bored
Music: Hurt by Johnny Cash
Time: 3:10

randomness::bored::no life::exc

Favortie movies: Edward Scissor hands, LOTR series, Mulin Rouge, Waynes World, Nightmare before christmas, Blow, Legend of sleepy Hollow, Carrie, Robin Hood, Angus, Boondock Saints, Air heads, Braveheart....many more....

Favorite Bands: Korn, Beck, Him, Red hot chili peppers, My chemical Romance, The used, Deftones, Slipknot(Only for the percussion) Live,Incubus, white stripes, also many more...

Favorite songs: Alone I break, Loser,Lost cause, Blue orchid, Dead leaves on the dirty ground, Heart ache every moment, Beautiful, Breaking the girl, Hurt, Digital Bath, Spit it out, Losing my religion, Vermillion, I caught fire, Lightning crashes, drive...aslo many more...

Favorite colors: Black, Purple, Red

Favorite Food: Suchi/Any Oriental food...Dougs and my dad's hot Sauce, pineapple, strawberries, lemons...


Favorite Candy: Goo, Sour Punch, Fun Dip...

Favorite places: Seattle, San Antonio, Corpus Christi, Laguna Park, Caldwell, Austin, anywhere with my friends...

Favorite stores: Hastings, Hot topic, Spencers, Hobby Lobby, Dollar General...

Favorite Cartoon: Aqua teen hunger force, simpsons, south park, ...

Favorite time of year: Fall/Winter

Favorite pass time: Cliff jumping, play and listening to music, driveing, drawing, writing...

What I'm probably wearing: A band t-shirt, jeans, my candy bracelets, glasses, no shoes...cause shoes suck. a smirk...hehhee

Happiest memory: Playing Uno with my brothers when we were younger.

What career choice: If possible a radeo personality.

Favorite time of day: Night...

Favorite number: 13

You aspire....: To be happy and successful, to make others happy. To help people when I can. exc.

well that's all for now. peace out

Mood: happy
Music: Dare by the gorrilaz
time: 2:16

I wrote this about a year ago. it's kind of intersting so I thought I would put it on here. hope you like it. I guess...

My life: by me

I open my eyes and only see darkness. The sun still isn't out. Exhausted, I look up at the ceiling from my soft twin bed and think to myself, "Why? Why God did you curse me with such an early school hour? Why did you curse me in causing Agua teen hunger force to come on at 11:30pm instead of 8:00pm like it use to?" Curses! As I ponder these thoughts, I hear the shrill voice of my mother saying, "Joy! It's 7:30, you're gonna be late!" The voice. I hate the voice! The voice she uses when she's slightly panicked and in a hurry. It's like nails screeching across a blackboard.

I put my feet on the cold menacing ground. Shivers run up my spine. I stand and fall back on the bed convincing myself that I couldn't possibly go on. I stand again, take one step, and trip over my tinny shoes that I had left on the floor the night before. STupid shoes. They are out to get me, just like the rest of the world. I like face down on the carpet and wonder, "What if I just stayed here all day? Would they come looking for me? Maybe if I stay completely still; they won't see me." As I fall in and out of consciousness, I hear my mother call once again, "Joy! Get up now! You have Tutorials!" She was constantly reminding me of how much of an underachiever I was. "Five more minits!" I scream from the floor. I get up and go to the bathroom. No matter where I am or what I drink of dont' drink, it seems like I always have to pee in the morning. Especially on those cold days when you don't want to get out of bed.

After relieving myself; I look in the mirror. "Bleck, look at those bags, and the ZITS!!! It's like night of the living dead in here. Oh well, not much different from yesterday."

I grab a pop tart and jump in the car in a rush. "Didn't want to be late for tutorials", I think sarcastically. Half way down the road I realize: Hey! it's a bit drafty in here," look down and notice that I'm still in my pajamas! ::sighs:: this owuld only happen to me! I quickly speed home and grab some pants off the floor, smell them to make sure they dont' stink, and put them on. I wore them yesterday, but no one will notice. No one ever notices me. I would wear a big hat that says, "I lick chicken nuts!" And no one would even flinch.

I go to school. I walk into the hallway and the bell rings. "Crap! Late again, but wait, it's only 7:52!" I look down at my watch and realize; "Hey my watch is ten minits slow! "Goody..." I say sarcastically. Sarcasm is my only friend. Without it...well...that would just suck.

I walk into class. "Your late Ms. Holder" Says Mr. Daniels. I debate in my mind weather to correct him that my name was Holden and not Holder, but what's the point? He'll just say the same thing tomorrow. "Do you have a not?" He says with a raise of his eyebrow. "Um....no.....but....my gold fish died?" "Hahaha very funny Ms. Holder. Please take your seat." He says. "But my name is...never mind."

Mr. Daniel goes on and on about cows reproductive organs. I wasn't really listening. I hate Ag. All it is a bunch or red necks talking about how many beers they had the night beforeand scratching themselves inappropriately. I can't believe this stupid class is required! Damn educational system.

The rest of my classes are kind of a blur. All I hear is blah blah William Shakespeare, blah blah A squared plus B squared, blah Joy wake up, Blah you're sitting on my jacket blah. Then we come to eighth period jAthletics. My God, if this is hell, kill me now! I have never been the athletic type. I am short. About 5 foot 2 with stubby little legs. "It's running time" Ms. Chrisner says with an evil smirk on her face. "Bleachers too" She says with a chuckle. A silent scream fills my head. "Noooooooo!!!" And I'm off. Running at a comfortable pace. Not too fast and not too slow. Course, this pace is close to walking for most of the girls in my class. I started well towards the middle of the pack of sweaty girls. Slowly but surely I end up dead last. Huffing and puffing we come to the end. "Ok girls, it's time to stretch those quads," Say's Coach C. "Finally, feuw, so glad it's over." "Oh and after that; 15 Bleachers!" "Noooooooooo! for the love of God no!" A little bit of me died that day as I looked up those evil bleachers. Oh how I hate them. Looking up those bleachers was like looking up mount Alympus.

After finishing the bleachers from hell, I drag myself, or what was left of myself, home. I crawl in the front door, which I had to pick open with a screw driver because I forgot my key, crawled to the couch, and collapsed. I flip on the toob and look to see if Aqua teen hunger force by some luck might come on sooner. No such luck. Damn. I watch the telephone in hopes that Zach, my boyfriend, or hell ANYONE would call. The phone remains silent and motionless. I like Zach a lot, but I dont' really know if the feeling is mutual. j

::3 days later he dumps me::

I get on yahoo messenger. I have a grand total of maybe 7 people on my buddy list. Three are family memebers and four I met in a chat room which I prefer because they can't see my zombie like face. No one is ever on.

I walk to my room, flip on the radio and crawl under the covers of my soft twin bed. I think of how I have to do it all again tomorrow. This has been another fun filled episode of the life of me. Depressing? Yes. Strange? Definately. Morbid and Sad? Completely, but ::sighs:: it's my life.

the end

Random quotes that I find amusing...

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore" -Network

"Death becomes her" -Emily Dickenson

"The time has come the Walrus said, to speak of other things, of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, and cabages and kings" -The Walrus and the Carpenter

"Love is like oxygen, love is a many spendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all we need is love" -Mulin Rouge

"Am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease" -Coldplay

"Get your F*****G rope!" -Boondock Saints

"What we do every night pinky, try to take over the world!" -Brain from Pinky and the Brain

We just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are our arms tired." -Bill Austin

"Here's lookin at you kid" -Casa blanca

"What is hateful to you, do not do to another. That is the whole of Law, all else is commentary." -Rabbi Hillel

"All day I dream about sex yes all day I dream about sex..." -Johnathon davis from Korn

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. -Bob Marley

"A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother." - Ben Franklin

"A beautiful thing is never perfect." - Egyptian (on beauty)

"Dead men tell no tales." - J. Wilson

"I never wanted to be famous, I just wanted to be great" -Ray Charles

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, and then they fight you, and then you win." -Mahatma Ghandi

"The Keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities." -Sophocles

well that's it for now, I just found these to be really interesting especially if you look at some of these people's backrounds. yes I have no life. 

Mood: Pensive
Music: I want to be sedated by the ramones
time: 6:05 pm

Well I went cliff jumping yesterday. It was a lot of fun. It was freezing though. I got sick. I've been laying in my bed all day. It sux. I hate being sick. I feel so week and helpless. I hate not being in control of my own body even when it comes to physical health. But, it was very much worth it. This will probably be the last time I go till next summer. grrr

I have to start school again tomorrow. I go to a year around school which means we have 2 week breaks periodically through out the year. I really do want to go back. I hate it. Back to the oh so bitchy, terribly trendy preps who think that their whole gole in life is to get laid as many times as possible with out getting caught or pregnant and then brag about their whory life styles to the rest of the world. Not to mention they hate me cause I'm not afraid to tell them off, and I do so many times a day. lol. Hey, maybe I will have fun tomorrow. lol.

Anyways...that's pretty much all that's on my mind today. peace out

Mood: a bit depressed
Music: some song by the gorrilaz, dont know the name...there's a big head in the video....anyways...
time: 12:38 pm

Well, I just woke up about an hour ago. Me and marysa stayed up all night talking about stuff till like 3 in the morning. I still pretty tired.

I kind of think that I get my hopes up to easily. Certain things have been happening lately that make me wish I wasn't as stand offish as I am. Because of my past, I'm a little afraid to get close to a person. Especially a person of the opposite sex. Only a few know everything about my past. Like Marysa and josh for instance. So they are kind of worried. But, I don't even know if I or they have anything to worry about now. But....I guess we will see...
Vague yes...that's how I like it.

Today, I have to take Marysa home and we have decided to jump in the lake even though the water is freezing. It's going to be great. brrr. hehehe.

anyways, that's pretty much it for today. peace out

Mood: scared shitless
Time: 12:14 am
music: none

Scared, don't want to say why cause this is a public diary thingy. Shit shit shit!!!! AAAAAAAH! I really don't know what to do. peace out

Mood: sleepy
Music: the buzz of computer
time: 1:30 pm

I am very sleepy. But Nicole woke me up and we talked a bit about what has been happening in both our lives in the last few days. I don't really remember what was said because I felt as if I were half dead. I love sleep. Sleep GOOOOD!

Anyways, today I will be visiting my brother who is a big jerk and I cant' stand in the least. Not only have I not talked to him in a bout 5 months, but he didn't even call when I was put in the hospital. I mean geeze, if I thought he was going to die, I might give him a little ring. but I dont' care anymore. And it's nice to get out of the house. Because I hate this place. grrrrr. STupid hick towns.

I'm acctually in a pretty good mood today, even though it doesn't seem like it in the previous paragraph, but really... this trip will be good cause it will give me a chance to think about some things. I'm a little confused about a few things, which I'm not going to go into, but ...I think I have it pretty much figured out.

ya...........very vague I know, but I have this paranoya becasue people have looked on these things before and then told my parants wich completely screwed up any trust my parants ever had in me. Which sucks hanously. I use the word hanously alot. anyways........ya that's pretty much it for today. peace out

ok from now on I'm going to do this thing like I did my other journals. starting out with my mood, what music I'm listening to, and um.........time yes.

Mood: ::sighs::
Music: My friend Josh E. Playing the guitar
Time: 10:34 pm

Ok, Well today I went to waco to see a movie with another friend of mine whos name coincidentally is also josh. I know alot of joshs. anyways, we saw corpse bride. It was ok. Not nearly as good as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I don't really recomend it at all. I love Tim Berton movies, but this was deffinately not one of his best. Anyways, It was pretty fun.

I think that I might be going cliff jumping friday. That or taking my other friends Josh and Marysa to the mall or something. Josh and Marysa are my best friends ......ever. Yah, randomness. I don't have Attention Defisite ....look a bird....lol. K. but anyways....

I learned some new chords today on the guitar. YAh! But I still suck hanously. Grrr. I just have to be more patient says Josh E. Then I continue to give him an evil glare, becuase patience is not one of my finer qualities.

Um................................................................................................................................................................chocolate pudding. yes. It's a fun supstance. And jello, except jello taste gross yuk. It wiggles down your throat like it's alive or something. Anyways,,,,I'm going to stop now, because I'm pretty sure that no one has any idea of what the hell I'm talking about. Cause I'm insane. No your not, yes I am. ::hits self:: ya.......peace out

Well, I heard about this sight from a friend of mine. He said it was pretty cool so I thought I'd give it a try.

A little about myself:
I like writing a lot. I may not be the best at it but I don't do it for other people's pleasure, I do it for my own. Not that I don't want people reading it or giving me oppionions about it, in fact I embrace that. But that doesn't necisarily mean that I'm going to change anything about the way I write because of your oppionions.

I love music. My favorite bands and artists include:
Korn, Him, Beck, Live, Deftones, Fiona Apple, Alice in chains, The used, My chemical Romance, Cradle of Filth, Red hot Chili peppers, AFI, Alkeline Trio, Coldplay, Bob Marley, and many more.

Let's see...what else might you want to know...
Well, nothing really exciting has happened today. I'm not feeling especially good or bad. I've been home all day working. Not really much to give a play by play on really. But crazy stuff seems to happen to me pretty often so I will probably have some better things to write about later.

For instance, I have been to the emergency room about 4 or 5 times this year. Strange. You might say that if you didn't know me. Wierd things allways tend to happen to me. I was bit by a snake, broke my arm in three places, and my nose was also broken quite recently. Why you might ask. Are you a cluts? well...not really. I have good ballance and I tend to make good decisions most of the time. My theory is that God or if you don't believe in God, a greater power, is not so happy with me. I'm not quite sure why. My parents are constantly reminding me of how much of an underachiever I am, perhaps it has something to do with that. I don't consider myself a bad person. Sure I have my quirks, but who doesn't? ...but ya...that's pretty much what I've been pondering lately.

I hope to get at least a few comments on this....peace out