I HATE MYSELF

Everything just drags me down
I just want to be normal again
You know that happy girl
Who loved life and was happy with herself
I look into the mirror only to see
This miserable monster
Looking back at me
I scream and yell
It cant be
Holyshit this cant be me
Oh but it is
You ignorant fool
A misfit, an out cast
Your so damn un cool
I'm mean and I'm mean
But what for
I cry and I cry
Till i cant cry no more
Of course I am proud
Of this usless person I've become
Living with this pain and dispair
Is just too fun
Yes, i do enjoy seeing
Myself in pain and in vain
These people just look and laugh at me
Your fucking shit
I'm what you'll never be
I try and i try
To punch the image out of the mirror
I'm not going to give into this taunting fear
I close my eyes
I hold back the tears
I cover my ears
I cant listen to another word
I'm crying now
uncontrolably
I cant help it
I am weak
I always will be
But knowing that its all true
Is what kills me
I'll never be anything
I'll never be liked
I'll never be pretty
I'll never be happy
I'll never be
Well, me again
I dont like the person I've truned into
I'm ugly
I'm hurt
I'm tainted
I'm nothing
I'm shit
I'm what you never want to be
That image in the mirror has defeated me
Its got into my head
Its killed all hope
An overwhelming amount of stress
Corrupting my body
Making my head spin
And my chest
Feels like I'm dying
The good that was
The bad that continues to come
Never will I be pretty enough
Never will I be accepted
Never will I be PERFECT
Suffer as I do
When I start and end my day
Put on a happy face
Pretend everything is ok
No one truely cares about me
I am a person
I take things twice as hard as everyone else
I am ugly inside and out
I need those little things
To ensure me of myself
But no matter how many times
I ask for them
I never receive them
I block these voices like I'm deaf
I should be happy for where I am
and start to forget about
The shit thats ben damned
Can someone slap some sense in me
Can someone make me smile softy
This hatred is for none other than me
Feeling sorry
Doesn't work and we know
I hate myself
For just always being low
I just dont care anymore
Years of swallowing everything
Keeping everything locked up inside
Has me feeling dead
Any bit of anger
Or hatred I feel towards anyone
I take out on myself
Odviousely
But i hate myself even more
For not being about to tellyou why
I hate myself
The way I look in the mirror
The way that I am
The way that i react
To the situations I'm in
How I cant do anything right
How i have no happy feelings anymore
How i cant be myself around others
Bottle it all up
Keep it all inside
I cant help it
I want to change it
I'm trying to change
To help you
And for this I simply hate myslef