still tryin to find a guy not as immature as the last...it's kinda hard to find a high school guy who is mature especially around here...i need a guy to keep my spirits up when things go wrong, who will treat me right when i've been treated wrong, love me no matter what the consequences, and most of all, be there for me when i need him or just want him there...

I've always told myself that everything happens for a reason...but now i'm starting to wonder if it's all for the same reason...to make me miserable...most everything that has happened to me lately has made me miserable...excpept today...today there were alot of things that went right...even though during the course of the day i probably made around 10 people mad...but that didn't stop me from accomplish what needed to be accomplished...i still haven't found a guy but i have a feeling that might change soon (hopefully)...i'm starting to get bored by trying to keep myself occupied...i've been going shopping alot...which takes all my money...my friends are trying to make it easier for me to have something to do but they just keep making me mad in the process...life is a deadly cycle...it should be considered a weapon...i wish i knew what to do about the situation that i'm in but i don't...maybe i just need to sleep....nighty night.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I wish i had another chance with him...i loved him sooo much...but now i have no chance...he likes someone else and i don't know what to do...we were so close and like all the other times i had a guy i messed it up...i hate when i do that...i'm so confused...he flirts with me and then he shuts me out again...i'm sorry josh...if you where to give me another chance it would turn out better i swear...i have changed.

Why do you always come running back to me when you get hurt i don't want to hear about your problems, because of you i have problems of my own...i gave up on having feelings for you a long time ago...so just stay out of my life...i don't really care what you have to say anymore...you're just a whiny ass boy...your are suppose to be a man now but i guess things like that do happen for someone who wants to stay a kid...you suck!!!! Leave me alone!!!!

People need to get off my back and leave me alone anout this kinda shit...if you don't want me to get in your face and tell you how it is don't mess with me...or my family...i'm a protective big sis and if you mess w/ my sis you will also see how it is...we are tired of dealing w/ people that try to use us to get to other people...deal w/ the fact that no one likes you or wants to be around you...you suck (i.e. Jennifer)...you always get caught in your lies...why try!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

This weekend i had a competition for BP in Indy and i found something out, it was really wierd....The best place to meet people is on an elevator....isn't that crazy....i meet some really hot guys when i was there, but none of them compare to Nathan...Nathan is one of my brother's friends that my mom wants me to marry but i try to play it off like i don't like him for my brother's sake....i really like him though...shhhhh don't tell...lol.....i guess what ever happens happens...i mean there are other people that i like but they don't like me....Justin is sooo great i would go out with him any time....too bad he's graduating this year...i won't be able to hang out with him next year at BPA...i had a lot of fun hangin out with him, Rios, Jerome, Brett, Brittany, and Tyler....love ya guys....I think that even though i like Nathan i like Justin more (but i don't think that he likes me like that)... I know that Nathan does....Hey give me a break I'm a girl and a BIG TIME FLIRT!!!!! Don't get mad at me if your guy comes to me...just take it as i'm prettier than you, and just get over it...Sorry if I don't care about your feelings, but I have my to worry about...I miss my friends : ( ....I had too much fun to get over not hangin out with them tonight....I   had fun with them all weekend and now it's over just as quickly as it started...I know that I sound like a sap but I just can't help it....if you don't like it (again) i don't care (my feelings not yours remember)...oh well life goes on.

~*~Poems about Josh~*~

Heartbreak is all around
Despair comes to haunt us
Anger precedes darkness
Sadness never dies
Your feelings never lie
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Confusion...
Depression...
I can't get you out of my mind
The wierd thing...
I don't want to!!!!
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Cry????
Why cry????
Life goes on
No moments to waste
Every second counts
Don't cry
There's no reason
It shouldn't matter cause...
Life goes on
Right????
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I'm nothing to you
and i see that now
You tell me you love me,
But I know now that's not the truth
I do love you
But i don't like you
I'll move on evenually
You already have
It's okay I'm fine
I won't hold it against you
Cause I still see you looking at me
From down the hall
I see you cause I look at you too
But.....
I'm still nothing to you!!!
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Keep yourself happy
Don't try to please others
Don't change if it's not for you
Do the right thing
Don't change cause you're told to
Change cause you want to
Life is not about pleasing others
Not many people realize that
Strive for the bigger more important things
Don't do this to yourself
It's not right
It wasn't what you wanted
But I have no say...
Listen if you want
If you decide to...
Don't...Please...
I don't want to see this
PLEASE!!!!
Happiness is all you need
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