I have gone through my own brand of therapy. I call it music therapy. Basically find a song that suits my mood and repeat over and over.
It's mainly consisted of Avril Lavigne's Unwanted and Alinis Morissette's You Oughta Know.

I despise being ignored, blown off, disregarded. I like getting attention. Not many people know that. I am vain. I love being complimented. Insult me, I’ll tell you off. Or tell myself you’re stupid. Don’t ignore me. That’s somehow much worse. Insult me make me your enemy, but don’t disregard me. I feel weak now. A kitten mewling for attention, convinced she’s a tiger. I lie and say I don’t care. I know I can make it true. I think you like being able to do this to me. I think you like being in control. I dislike being controlled. This is going to be interesting at the very least.

Hmm how should we start?
Let me think for a sec.
When it’s just us
There’s no problem.
You nice, interesting, smart and funny.
But I got a bone to pick,
With you.
I don’t like being ignored.
I don’t appreciate being blown off.
Are you embarrassed of me,
Do I show another side they don’t know?
I didn’t ditch you for her this morning.
I introduced you.
I was,
Dare I say it.
Polite.
You Mr. Chivalry, Mr. Knight in Shiny armor,
Ignored me.

Hello?
Hi is Zora there?
No she is not right now, but I'll tell her you called when she gets back.
Thank you
Bye

Just from talking to him for that long I get this shivery feeling in my stomach region. THen I growl because I'm annoyed. And I interupt myself with another growl-sound because I'm annoyed that that annoyed me and I realize what that shivery feeling in my stomach meant. I rush over to the mirror and it confirms my worse fear. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's not over him at all?
He's manage to throw my comosure out the window. And after he hangs up or leaves, I'm left feeling vaguely cheated and annoyed. Doesn't he know that I'm the only one that's allowed to throw composure and caution to the wind outside the window? Obviously not. Or he does and doesn't care.
Now I'm really annoyed. It first started with reading a whole slew of SasuNaru fics, which normally isn't a bad thing but it put me in a very fluffy mood. Then I go downstais and the Princess Diaries II is playing. I hate those movies and I try to avoid watching them, but I ws in a fluffly mood and got sucked into watching it with my brother and mom. Of course, sometimes I'd remember who I was and what I was watching, and I'd pout/sulk and promptly forget about sulking/pouting in less than a minute. The cycle would repeat every ten minutes or so.
Then I ate dinner.
Then I kidnapped the phone. I called a friend and found out I now have two gey friends. I only thought I had one. But it turns out that I have another. I'm not really suprised that he's gay though. Sometimes I'm pretty hard to suprise, especially with books. It's not that I see things comeing or anything, I just go 'Oh that was intriguing' and continue reading. I guess I'm like that in life 'Oh, didn't see that one coming, but come to think of it it wasn't that suprising' and keep on living.
This is Anthony's fault.

Wow. I have a bad habit of not writing. Well, I guess I normally write about stuff that I have strong feelings about and don't care about people reading.

First Impressions People Have Had Of Me
Calm--Anthony, Wrong very soon he was proven.
She's short and smiling, I hope she doesn't bite me--Kevin (he's like 5'11" and I'm 5'4" on a good day), one of the more correct first impressions
She's short and smiling--Logan

I'm going to start collecting these:
[Message sent to blue eyed lizzie. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Anon Amos. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Shadow Hawk. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Intrepid Dreams. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to fire_stone. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to I stabbith ye. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Diiwica. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Rat Hacker. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to Silver Phantoms. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]
[Message sent to fire_stone. Elftown loves you and wants to hug you! (Unless this message was an insult or a chain message.) May you have a wonderful night!]

Look I rewrote the other one:

Here's a story:
A girl was in an abusive relationship with a guy (let's call him Dickhead). She (let's call her Christy) really liked Dickhead. All of Christy's friends disliked him. Dickhead was friends with the guy (he'll be Mac) that Christy's friend Amy was going to TWIRPS with. Amy was talking to Mac and his friends and Dickhead was near by. One of Mac's friends asked about Amy's sled dogs. Dickhead misheard and asked if she was a pole dancer. Amy just glared at him.
Christy still liked Dickhead but was too afraid to ask him out. Amy told her that he was no good and a dick head.
Dickhead asked Christy out. Amy decided to be supportive of Christy if not the relationship.
Dickhead asked if he could make out with Christy because he had never done it with any other girls. Pretty soon everyone thought Christy was a slut. Amy wanted to punch Dickhead or castrate him, but that was against school rules.
Dickhead took Christy out to lunch or at least that's was he told her. He took her to a back alley and put his hands up her shirt. Christy was uncomfortable and told him to stop. He didn't.
Christy told Amy about it and her other friends. They all wanted to beat his ass. But Christy still liked him.
Dickhead told Christy that he'd change and begged for Amy's forgiveness. Christy believed him. Amy thought he was a liar in addition to a pervert, sex offender, and all around moron.
One day Amy and her friend Elisa saw Christy and Dickhead leaving campus for lunch. They had the brilliant idea of following them. After sneaking around like bad spies the followed them of campus. However they lost them at an alley. Naturally they assumed that Dickhead had taken Christy down there to molest her. So they walked a little ways back and begin loudly debating about whether or not Mac had gone down the alley. Dickhead came out from the bushes.
Amy and Elisa asked if he had seen Mac. He said he hadn't. The girls asked why he was here. Dickhead lied and said he was "just passing through".
Amy and Elisa knew he was lying because who spends their lunch passing through allies?
So they went around to the other end of the alley, where they waited and debated going through the alley again.
However they decided that it would look very suspicious.
Fortunately one of Amy's friends and her friends was coming up the street, acting very loud and drunk or something. So they her and her friends to go through the alley and be loud. They also gave a brief description of why. They agreed.
After the other friends had disrupted Christy and Dickhead Amy and Elisa ended up walking back to school with them.
Once they got back they talked to Christy and found that nothing had happened. Dickhead had just wanted to talk. Amy then proceeded to flip Dickhead off behind hid back.
Dickhead also tested Christy with nasty messages. So much for that change, Amy thought. Amy, Elisa and Christy's friend Becky went to the school counselor and reported the occurrence.
They soon convinced Christy to go to the counselor. Amy wanted Dickhead to be arrested. Dickhead's father was a wealthy dude in their town so even if Christy had wanted to press charges it probably wouldn't happen.
Dickhead has broken up with Christy, and is currently begging Amy's forgiveness. She's ignoring him.
Dickhead's 14, perverted and looks up porn.
Mac's 15, knew about it and tried to convince Amy that Dickhead was okay once you got to know him.
Elisa's 14, disturbed and let's Amy swear at Dickhead and she thinks crap is a swearword.
Becky's 14, been molested before and hates Dickhead.
Christy's 15, obsessed with her face, has no self esteem, no mother, and a father that beats her.
I am 14, against rape and molestation. I wrote this using no one's (including myself) real names. I always thought stuff like this didn't happen to a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds. I thought you'd only have to worry about this stuff if you were older. Whenever I heard about rape or molestation or kidnapping it always happened so far away. It couldn't happen here. It could and it did. And it shouldn't have.
Does anyone but me think this is wrong and disgusting? Anyone doubt that this happened? Message me [Stray Kitty] and ask. Because this did happen. And it can happen to you and your friends.

Hmm. I seem to put a lot of those story things in my diary. Mostly because I dislike seeing the sappy one on houses. And it looks better in the diary.

"I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

repost this if you belive homophobia is wrong"

This one is slightly annoying. Mayhap I should rewrite it?

[Guy: "Can we have sex right now?"
Girl: "Can we do what?"
Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"
Girl: "Um.....no."
Guy: "Why?"
Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend......."
Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won' tell."
Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."
Guy: "I'm not special to you?"
Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."
Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.


5 minutes pass.......


Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.
Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me?"
Guy: tries to kiss her.
Girl: screams, "Would you stop."
Guy: continues trying.
Girl: moves to the back seat


Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.
Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."
Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.
Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."
Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".
Girl: crying, continues to fight.
Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.
Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"
Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.



An hour passes.........
Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.
Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, sobbing.
Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.
Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."
Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.



2 months later.........
Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my period in 2 months."
Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your period for a reason."
Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.
Doctor: "You are pregnant."
Girl: faints.


The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."


The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant....then he lied about it. So completely depressed......the girl commits suicide by drug overdose.......


Girls, if this story touched you, repost it as "That's Fucked up"
Guys, if this story touched you, repost it as "I'll kill any fucker who does this]

This is wrong. When a girl says no she means no. Respect that. What's also wrong is that she kills herself. She shouldn't have to suffer through that. No one deserves this.

Some times I feel perfect. No not perfect. Privileged. Yes I feel privileged. I am gifted with a family who loves me and that I know loves me. I am blessed in that I am happy with my body shape. Sure I want to be taller, but the reaction to the short jokes is really for my friends’ benefit. Honestly. Yes, I should exercise more, and yes, I should eat less sugar. But I don’t have to worry about being to fat or too thin. My grades in school are above a B average. I guess I should be thankful that that comes naturally. I am a good artist. I can ride horses well. I’m on the ski team. In short my life seems charmed. I have confidence in myself and who I am. I feel so holy, I’m dirty. I feel that I should not have this. What did I do to deserve this when so many others have so much less than I. I hate that I sound like some sort of martyr when I say such things. I feel sappy and stupid and hero ish. I even have a hero complex. I want to fox the world’s ills. I want to be an angel, as I am so fond of saying. I want to be able to help people. I want Maggie to find something that is hers. I want Zora to find friends and a crush too if that is Zoraly possible (which I doubt, but I’m an optimist). I want Ariana to stop hanging around Zack and become more mature but that probably won’t happen (honestly, she may be only twelve but she’s a bad influence on me an almost fifteen year old). I want Helene to stop worrying about how she looks and develop some confidence (I also want her to stop liking Andrew but that’s about as likely as Zora likely someone and Ariana being mature). And I want to stop sounding so patronizing and start sounding sincere! Or am I already sincere and don’t know it because I reading this way too closely. Watching me over my own shoulder waiting for me to screw it up. Making my own self nervous of me. Maybe. Maybe. 

I can understand it. Hurting yourself physically because it hurts so much mentally. Causing yourself pain so that you have something else to focus on. But I don’t do it. I don’t raise the scissors to my wrists. I used to bash my knuckles against my bed, until they bled. But I don’t do that anymore. It only made the nervous worse. I have to take it out on something, was my reasoning. Something. But I don’t cut. I did it once. Because of him. And that overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and being alone. I drew a picture with a girl crying blood. I do not cut. But I pick at my fingers, tear them apart really, when I’m nervous. I can understand it. After all don’t we all have masochistic tendencies?

Apparently someone has claimed MAtt. Several people like him. Several people wanted to ask him to TWIRPS. Several people are jealous of Sara who thinks of Matt as a friend for the record but decline to comment of record. Sara has waltzed in completely oblivious and asked a desirable guy to a formal dance. Sara thought that it was a casual dance. Sar was proven very very wrong. So like, Sara, to walk in ignorant of the situation and and "steal" (many) someone else's crushes. Matt is also oblivious, but by choice really.

There's this chick that's against homosexuality. She thinks it's a sin. And her boyfriend is bisexual. This is amusing.

Someone sent me a chain letter today. Someone also got reported today. By tomorrow someone is going to be banned. See the correlation. Send Kitty chain mail, ruin her day, piss her off, get reported, get banned, have Kitty block you too so you can even send her another chain mail. And for the record there was no computers in the 1800's so this particular letter could not have been going on since 18something something. In 1985 floppy disks were actually floppy. That is proof that only stupid people send Kitty or anyone else chain mail. Because Kitty will report you and ruin your Elftown life by getting you banned. And Kitty doesn't car if you're on the friends list. Kitty will just delete you.

My violin left a mark on my neck. And my dad thought it was a hickey. Which is funny because I have yet to kiss a member of the opposite sex that's my age.

I am vexed. First of all I like no one this year. Sorta. I'm going with Matt to the TWIRPS dance and I had my friend ask him if we were dating. He said no. Damn him. I think I liked him too. Not really but I might have. Or did. Whatever. This is sucks. The one time I think that a guy might actually like me he thinks we're just friends. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian or at least bisexual, but alas I am straight. I'm also sulking and it's all Matt's thought. Though he if does consider us to be dating he might still like me. And people think I'm not an optimist. So now I feeling somewhat anti-Matt. And annoyed. Because he doesn't talk muct. At all. Sometimes I have problems getting one word answers from him. Annoying, very. It'a all his fault.

Haven't written in here for awhile. Oh, well.

Anyways, me and a few friends are starting a band. So far we have:
Logan: lead vocals
Anna: guitar/vocals
Sara: violin/fiddle
Carolon: keyboard piano/vocals
You'll not how I'm the only one not singing. That is because a) I can't sing b) you try signing with a bit of wood under your chin. So if anyone (that means you!) reading this have any lyrics that you wouldn't mind "donating" to us, message me. And I will send them to the other members and then we will get back to you.

NOTE: Lyrics may not be full of swear words. Once in the chorus and once in the verses is enough. Lyrics that provoke are good even encouraged. Ideas for songs are good too.