Things I got:
Wireless Keyboard & Mouse
Brown Leather Wallet
25$ Gift Certificate for Groceries (Which is awsome)
50$ Gift Certificate for Chapters (Glee!)
Total Cash of $400
Electric Razor
Chinese Iron Balls (Roll them around in your hand... Mmmm)
500 mL of Massage Oil
Popcorn (Scott didn't know what else to get me)
Syphilus ... No not really, but it would be funny to tell people that's what I got for Christmas.

For everone from me, I gave Massages, or IOUs because after three deep shoulder jobs, my hands were ready to fall off. Especially the meaty thenar muscles of my hand.

But now the best part of the Christmas season this year, is that I finally get to pick up Kathryn from the Airport. I've known her since I was in grade 7, we've kept in touch despite all the crap we've both gone through in our seperate lives. This will be very interesting. I'll post pics sometime. Possibly not until after the 4th of January though. I'ma gonna be busy veeeery busy.

So I attended a funeral today and decided what, when my funeral comes, I want the following things taken into concideration:

- I'm not religious. If they mention God, they had better damn well mention Thor, Zues, Ala, Buddah, and every other diety so as not to associate me with any particular religion.

- I don't want a $10,000 coffin that will cost my family a fortune just to burry. I want to be cremated, and then put on the spice rack so a bit of me will always be in those who are close to me. Because you are what you eat.

- I don't want sad music played at my funeral. I want to go off with the theme to Pirates of the Carribean playing! And at the end, I want Navras, the final fight song between Neo and Agent Smith as they're carrying my coffin out.

- I want a comedian to do the readings, not a priest.

- Donations in the form of underwear will be accepted by the family and a huge flag to be made out of them to be flown over my grave marker (Even though I'm cremated, there's ging to be a stone somewhere) Maybe in the front yard so everyone can see the panty flag. I hope all the ladies I knwo would donate. [sevengem] is exempt from this since at some point or another, I'm going to steal her panties so I'll concider that her donation.

MY WILL BE DONE!

http://www.actmonline.com/stancassidy.html

I had no idea that they had posted these pics on the website. Be back in my school days at the Atlantic College of Therapeutic Massage. We did an awsome Fund Raiser and I even put in Overtime at school to get extra credit hours. I never realized until now that the black shirt i'm wearing would have been so much better tucked in.

That little guy is actually only 5'3, but the hight comparison is very amusing. I have a lot of respect for him, being in charge of running the SCCR and all.

And while on the topic of linkage, I give you my longest lasting online friend Kathryn and her stick bikes.

http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060720/NEWS01/607200322/1079/RSS01

And she's comming to spend New Years with me. Yee!

This gives me an idea... I need to train my cat to raid panties for me...

Pie-Rat!!!!!




www.ScaryBear.org

I'm really getting fucking pissed off at all these houses that have something written like:

"[Ass Face With No life] is my (Insert some stupid relation nobody cares about), Mess with (Him/Her/It) and I will kill you/Hurt you/maim you"

Does it make you feel tough? You're threatening people on the INTERNET for fucks sake! So me sending [Ass Face With No Life] an insulting message doesn't exactly fill me with fear knowing that somewhere in Texas/Ireland/Some Place Not Next-door to me is going to stop fucking his/her brother/sister to come all the way to fucking New Brunswick to beat me up. SERIOUSLY FUCKTARDS! What are you going to do if I "Hurt" this person? They are going to cry in a fucking bowl of milk and then spill it for another reason to cry over it. And me? I will just use the convenient Block Member option and fill my ever damn growing list of ass hats that try to flirt with me or insult me.

So forgive me for laughing in your face instead of quivering in fear because some Titsmack doesn't like people insulting their friends online. Anonymity is one of the main benefits of the Internet.

I'm pretty sure weak threats on my life sent in an Elftown message aren't going to cause me to bleed. Hell I'll be damned if I even shed a tear. Chances are your message that you are going to somehow find me in a in a world of billions of people to kick my ass...

But hey, if it makes you feel tough to threaten to beat me up if I hurt your friends, power to you. But if you're going to make the threat, be sure you can go through with it, and I think that threat is about as useful as saying you're going to blow up Mars with a squiggle pen and tweezers. Use the squiggle pen and tweezers for something useful, like masturbating your little penis.

I'm going to go back to laughing at idiots now. There is no end to my laughter.

Things to do while bored
by Stratakus
Hit the weights for 30 minutes
Play on www.neopets.com for a whole 5 minutes
Try to log into www.secondlife.com and get rejected
Write a complaint about my password being "changed"
Take a shower
Send a few ET messages
Talk on MSN for a little while
Read webcomics,
Back to the weights
Look at random Elftown houses for 2 hours
Refresh own ET house for 30 minutes seeing who checks it out or send messages
Take another shower
Grab some supper
Back to weights again, unable to move arms past hip level now
Somehow manage another shower with non-working arms
Refresh Elftown again and again and again
Try to see what all the fus is over "Hard" Lemonaide and spit it out because it tastes like bug spray,
Brush teeth and tongue to get the taste out
Write a diary entry about all the things done out of complete bordum and go back to being bored.

I'm so bored I don't even feel like pieing or panty theiving!

Maybe I'll go do some Pr0n soliciting. I am the Smut God afterall, I should be out trying to ccollect donations to my church in the form of boobies.... Wow. Sometimes I think of how unprofessional I might sound, but then realize that even though I am so weird on the outside, in a clinical setting, I am perfectly decent and caring and respectful. I know plenty of massage therapists who's weekend activities involve getting drunk off their arses and trying to pick up at the bars. Compared to that, looking at boobies and giggling is harmless!

There are 100's of websites to buy medication for Erectile Difficulties, but not for 1.56 cents a pill. We have some of the lowest pricing on the internet.
If you are already paying hundreds of dollars, then you should visit:

http://t1hmh2y0y6hg3tbwvet4ytbb.waterishhb.st



Sincerely,

Jed
Customer Service Team


Nice to know some guy named Jed is concerned with my erections. Lately I havn't been feeling up to snuff. A little lack luster with my performance. I've had to sneak up on my own hand some nights because tt's bored with all the trying... And Jed says he can save me money! With a Website called [t1hmh2y0y6hg3tbwvet4ytbb] Who wouldn't trust it?

Alright. I'll stop joking around

My Erection Is Better Than Yours Jed. Your Sister Can Vouche For That!

Test booking at work


Dear OPTIMUS PRIME,
Thank you for taking the time to book this vacation. This email is to notify you of the items you booked.

Reservation Number: ####### (Not supposed to give that to others)
Passengers:
OPTIMUS PRIME, BUMBLEBEE AUTOBOT, STARSCREAM DECEPTICON, MEGATRON DECEPTICON, UNICRON ULTRABOT

This is the funniest comic... Ever!

www.machall.com
I had to share. I rarely laugh when I'm alone but this got me.

The coolest 404 I ever got. Ever.


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary,
...Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore',
...While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
...And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
..."'Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my cheap hardcore!" -
Quoth the server, "404".

How do I wind down after a long day at work when the computers aren't working, the programs are booting us, the phones are randomly hanging up on customers?

I start tracking down any female guard and other badge holding Towners who's name link appears before me and I throw a pie at them and steal their panties.

Why?

Because I am lovable and can get away with it.

I hope.

I am right? Seriously.

Bah, oh well. I am awsome.

Totally random thought of the moment:

What would happens if some Door to Door Mormons (There are some that come to my street every couple of months) were at someones house half way through their pitch, and some Door to Door Jehovah's Witnesses showed up... and the family that the Mormons were talking to invited the Jehovah's Witnesses in to sit down in the living room... I think it would be awkward to an extreme... Especially if you turned it into a competition kind of like a Presidential Debate... Hehehe... Sure it might not seem funny to some people but if you put the Mortal Kombat theme in there and picture the two groups fighting, it is hilarious.

If I believed in hell, I would be very VERY worried about going there... until I realized I am so awsome that the dark lord of that place would see me and pledge his unwavering fealty to me... But enough rammbling. I need to go save my icecream from the freezer of [sevengem] before she goes through with her threat and eats it after I have left it there 3 trips in a row... Dumbass am I

So I come home to find the Magazine rack Ryan and I had found in pieces, broken pieces, with my punching bag laying over the debris on the basement floor. ryan had as much ownership as I did and we had aghreed it's future was to be our combined decision.. And then ryan tels me it was a group decision from the guys to destroy it. Yeah Ben, I feel really confident about renewing me lease here. I mean... There is so much respect for MY Property. Why is it my things that have to get destroyed for your need to destroy random things? Why don't you guys destroy your OWN things huh? Leave mine THE FUCK ALONE.

So there I was, walking home from Willie's after playing some D&D Minis, walking the 10 minute strip between our places and I see 2 people walking up the street. They're shorter than me, walking with fake limps and swinging their arms like they're Gangster, baggy pants, baggier hoodies, ballcaps pulled low. I cross the street to avoid them and also because I had to cross the road anyways to get to the side of the road my street is on, and they cross shortly after. I'm kind of tensing up because I don't trust people. Especially ones who are hiding their faces under hoods and hats after dark. They silently walk past me and before I can even breath a sigh of relief I feel a hand on my Right shoulder. I turn and from my left, one of them jumps beside me and nails me in the side of the face right next to my right eye with a hook, then the other one leaps around and takes another swing. They got 2 hits in each, I'm effectivly blinded because they got me with their knuckles in the eye so my vision is doubled, my contacts have slipped and frankly, I'm in to much shock to do anything. They don't even try to rob me. They just laugh and run off cheering. From their laughs and what I saw of their faces (Sunken in cheeks, shaggy hair and big noses. The normal look for just about every highschool thug wannabe around this city) it was enough for me to realize that the only way for me to describe these kids to the police is "Yeah. LEt's go to the mall and I'll point out about 300 possible people who look like and dress like the 2 that jumped me". So I got my baring straight, walked home, grabbed my Tonfu off the wall and went hunting for about an hour and a half up and down the possible streets they could have detoured to. After being unsiccesful, I went to Misty's because she was closer and stayed there for the night. There is no serious bruising aroudn my euyes but it is darker than usual under and along the sides of my eyes and it hurts to lay with my head on either side or even rub my eyes. I think I'll be keeping that Night Stick up my sleeve when walking alone after dark for a little while longer. I think ti's some moronic game the brats play. Go Out And Randomly Beat Someone For No Fucking Good Reason! What do they ened to do that for? Street Creds? Bah. I'm going to sleep now.

Mwahaha! Shinanagins getting me into even more trouble. It all started while we were waiting for Ryan to get home to play D&D. 2 hours later, he's still not home so we raid his room and stuff random things into condoms, like his pillow, depderant, a pylon (Don't ask), and his Mouse. After he fonally comes home 4 hours late, he finds the condoms and we proceed throing them at eachother for fun, then I run upstairs, throw it on the head of the reeloading sloppy loud obnoxious and feminazi girlfriend of [sadrx]s brother, then run for my life. She and he come downstairs and she's throwing a shit fit while I hide behind my door, they're screaming stuff about sexual harassment and they (20 year olds) call Ben's parents and Ben's brother is CRYING! Crying to mommy because a condom hit his girlfriend in te head. Ben just keeps telling them calmly to Call the police if they're so upset. I then make a sneaky dash for Ruyans room and hide in his clsoet for like.. 15 minutes while the ranting continues. Eventually I come out as the Feminazi who I so horribly victimized and her broken beaten and opressed manservent... I mean boyfriend... Proclaim they're not talking to Ben or me ever again and that they're going to stay in a hotel.
After laughing and making fun of situations where they actually DO call the cops (As they "Promised" they would) by walking around in nothing but a bathrobe and boxwers acting out exactly how I would answer the door. Purple bathrobe wide open, scratching/fondling myself and asking what the problem is.
Then we go upstairs to find out that the slobs have left a bunch of food laying out, made a mess of our livingroom (Pile of chicken bones and half eaten food) and using/quite possibly ruining a very expensive cookie sheet bought by one of the roomies to be used only for baking covered in chicken bones which they didn't clean up.

The moral of the story is:

CONDOMS ARE FUNNY!

Ah, Yahoo chat never fails me when I need a good laugh... a bunch of horny people and auto-messaging bots all saying the same thing "Look at my picture, show me yours, you're sexy, lets' chat!" All the while I sit there snickering wondering if it's even possible to reduce myself to their level of chat and join in. I have never done it... it's be like... trying to join the special olympics... Then again, people with disabilities make better company than the Yahoo chatters. I know, I've worked in a Physical rehab clinic and they have really nice people there who don't want to see my pic or private chat with me.

I found this online. I deemed it Hilarious:


Im Just as old as you want me to be.
But lets just say im "20".
Now, What do I look like?
Before or after im dressed up?
Well After,
I have long sexy red hair.
My long nails are painted red to match->
My almost see through slinkly little dress
I have on that barely
covers my ass.
Stilleto heals,
Deep green eyes,
Pouty lips,
Large, perky breasts
and a smile that STOPS TRAFFIC.


And BEFORE im dressed up?
Im .Bald.
And wearing Panties,
Sometimes my weenie sticks out.

Soooo... here's a thought.

Some people think that if a guy sticks his penis into a womans vagina, but doesn't do much else with it but put it there and doesn't get off, than it's not really sex.
Does that mean if a girl puts it in her mouth and he doesn't get off, it isn't really a blowjob?

Or if it Goes in the ass even for a moment, it's called Butt Sex, but a few minutes in a vagina isn't concidered sex?

If the penis went in, the virginity went out. That's how I see it.

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What the fuck is happening to my fucking computer?! First, Windows Media Player fucks out on me for no reason. One minute, I'm watching a movie then BLAM, an error message pops up saying there's an internal error, then after that, It just stops running all together, I can't even open it. Fine. I moved on to DivX.
All was well for awhile. Then something pops up on ym computer that keeps messing with Internet Explorers front page. Cleaning out my Spyware and Adware doesn't stop it from doing this. Fine. I move to Firefox.
Now this is the last straw. My fucking Firefox, in the middle of looking through some webpages, says it has to close down for because it's already running (?) so I shut down the page. Then is says I need to make a new profile. So I do. Then I realize ALL my bookmarked pages are gone. All 200 of the fucking things. I restart my computer and after that, Mozilla refuses to open! I click on it, and all I get is a 10 minute wait, and then a message saying This program needs to shut down to complete instillation.

Could someone tell me what the fuck is going on before I take an axe to this fucked up computer? It's already falling apart so to save myself the pain, I just wanna put this piece of shit out of it's misery.

No Viruses, No Adware, No Spyware on my computer, I didn't install anything new, this crap ust happens spontaniously, even while I'm running the program!