[Stratakus]'s diary
Written about Saturday 2006-09-09
Written: (7213 days ago)
Things to do while bored
by Stratakus
Hit the weights for 30 minutes
Play on www.neopets.co
Try to log into www.secondlife
Write a complaint about my password being "changed"
Take a shower
Send a few ET messages
Talk on MSN for a little while
Read webcomics,
Back to the weights
Look at random Elftown houses for 2 hours
Refresh own ET house for 30 minutes seeing who checks it out or send messages
Take another shower
Grab some supper
Back to weights again, unable to move arms past hip level now
Somehow manage another shower with non-working arms
Refresh Elftown again and again and again
Try to see what all the fus is over "Hard" Lemonaide and spit it out because it tastes like bug spray,
Brush teeth and tongue to get the taste out
Write a diary entry about all the things done out of complete bordum and go back to being bored.
I'm so bored I don't even feel like pieing or panty theiving!
Maybe I'll go do some Pr0n soliciting. I am the Smut God afterall, I should be out trying to ccollect donations to my church in the form of boobies.... Wow. Sometimes I think of how unprofessional I might sound, but then realize that even though I am so weird on the outside, in a clinical setting, I am perfectly decent and caring and respectful. I know plenty of massage therapists who's weekend activities involve getting drunk off their arses and trying to pick up at the bars. Compared to that, looking at boobies and giggling is harmless!
There are 100's of websites to buy medication for Erectile Difficulties, but not for 1.56 cents a pill. We have some of the lowest pricing on the internet.
If you are already paying hundreds of dollars, then you should visit:
http://t1hmh2y
Sincerely,
Jed
Customer Service Team
Nice to know some guy named Jed is concerned with my erections. Lately I havn't been feeling up to snuff. A little lack luster with my performance. I've had to sneak up on my own hand some nights because tt's bored with all the trying... And Jed says he can save me money! With a Website called [t1hmh2y0y6hg3tbwvet4ytbb] Who wouldn't trust it?
Alright. I'll stop joking around
My Erection Is Better Than Yours Jed. Your Sister Can Vouche For That!
Written about Friday 2006-09-01
Written: (7221 days ago)
Test booking at work
Dear OPTIMUS PRIME,
Thank you for taking the time to book this vacation. This email is to notify you of the items you booked.
Reservation Number: ####### (Not supposed to give that to others)
Passengers:
OPTIMUS PRIME, BUMBLEBEE AUTOBOT, STARSCREAM DECEPTICON, MEGATRON DECEPTICON, UNICRON ULTRABOT
Base Package Price $810.00
Options $1,146.67
Total Price USD$1,956.67
Price Per Person USD$391.33
07JAN07 (Sun) to 14JAN07 (Sun)
Doubletree Hotel at the Entrance to Universal
Rating: 3.0 -
Standard
Location: Near Universal
** Includes Features:
CityWalk Party Pass 07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $ Included
3 Children $ Included
Complimentary Scheduled Theme Park Transportation 07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $ Included
3 Children $ Included
(Hotel) $ 810.00
CityWalk Meal & Movie Deal
07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $39.90
3 Children $59.85
(Feature/Option) $99.75
Universal 2-Day 2-Park Ticket - 3 Days FREE
07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $212.90
3 Children $319.35
(Feature/Option) $532.25
Round Trip Meet & Greet Transfer - Orlando Airport
07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $64.00
3 Children $69.00
(Feature/Option) $133.00
SeaWorld Orlando Ticket - 1 Day
07JAN07 (Sun)
2 Adults $136.32
3 Children $169.35
(Feature/Option) $305.67
Character Breakfast at Islands of Adventure
12JAN07 (Fri)
2 Adults $40.00
3 Children $36.00
(Feature/Option) $76.00
This is the funniest comic... Ever!
www.machall.co
I had to share. I rarely laugh when I'm alone but this got me.
Written about Monday 2006-08-28
Written: (7225 days ago)
The coolest 404 I ever got. Ever.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary,
...Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore',
...While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
...And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
..."'Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my cheap hardcore!" -
Quoth the server, "404".
How do I wind down after a long day at work when the computers aren't working, the programs are booting us, the phones are randomly hanging up on customers?
I start tracking down any female guard and other badge holding Towners who's name link appears before me and I throw a pie at them and steal their panties.
Why?
Because I am lovable and can get away with it.
I hope.
I am right? Seriously.
Bah, oh well. I am awsome.
Written about Friday 2006-06-30
Written: (7284 days ago)
Totally random thought of the moment:
What would happens if some Door to Door Mormons (There are some that come to my street every couple of months) were at someones house half way through their pitch, and some Door to Door Jehovah's Witnesses showed up... and the family that the Mormons were talking to invited the Jehovah's Witnesses in to sit down in the living room... I think it would be awkward to an extreme... Especially if you turned it into a competition kind of like a Presidential Debate... Hehehe... Sure it might not seem funny to some people but if you put the Mortal Kombat theme in there and picture the two groups fighting, it is hilarious.
If I believed in hell, I would be very VERY worried about going there... until I realized I am so awsome that the dark lord of that place would see me and pledge his unwavering fealty to me... But enough rammbling. I need to go save my icecream from the freezer of [sevengem] before she goes through with her threat and eats it after I have left it there 3 trips in a row... Dumbass am I
So I come home to find the Magazine rack Ryan and I had found in pieces, broken pieces, with my punching bag laying over the debris on the basement floor. ryan had as much ownership as I did and we had aghreed it's future was to be our combined decision.. And then ryan tels me it was a group decision from the guys to destroy it. Yeah Ben, I feel really confident about renewing me lease here. I mean... There is so much respect for MY Property. Why is it my things that have to get destroyed for your need to destroy random things? Why don't you guys destroy your OWN things huh? Leave mine THE FUCK ALONE.
So there I was, walking home from Willie's after playing some D&D Minis, walking the 10 minute strip between our places and I see 2 people walking up the street. They're shorter than me, walking with fake limps and swinging their arms like they're Gangster, baggy pants, baggier hoodies, ballcaps pulled low. I cross the street to avoid them and also because I had to cross the road anyways to get to the side of the road my street is on, and they cross shortly after. I'm kind of tensing up because I don't trust people. Especially ones who are hiding their faces under hoods and hats after dark. They silently walk past me and before I can even breath a sigh of relief I feel a hand on my Right shoulder. I turn and from my left, one of them jumps beside me and nails me in the side of the face right next to my right eye with a hook, then the other one leaps around and takes another swing. They got 2 hits in each, I'm effectivly blinded because they got me with their knuckles in the eye so my vision is doubled, my contacts have slipped and frankly, I'm in to much shock to do anything. They don't even try to rob me. They just laugh and run off cheering. From their laughs and what I saw of their faces (Sunken in cheeks, shaggy hair and big noses. The normal look for just about every highschool thug wannabe around this city) it was enough for me to realize that the only way for me to describe these kids to the police is "Yeah. LEt's go to the mall and I'll point out about 300 possible people who look like and dress like the 2 that jumped me". So I got my baring straight, walked home, grabbed my Tonfu off the wall and went hunting for about an hour and a half up and down the possible streets they could have detoured to. After being unsiccesful, I went to Misty's because she was closer and stayed there for the night. There is no serious bruising aroudn my euyes but it is darker than usual under and along the sides of my eyes and it hurts to lay with my head on either side or even rub my eyes. I think I'll be keeping that Night Stick up my sleeve when walking alone after dark for a little while longer. I think ti's some moronic game the brats play. Go Out And Randomly Beat Someone For No Fucking Good Reason! What do they ened to do that for? Street Creds? Bah. I'm going to sleep now.
Mwahaha! Shinanagins getting me into even more trouble. It all started while we were waiting for Ryan to get home to play D&D. 2 hours later, he's still not home so we raid his room and stuff random things into condoms, like his pillow, depderant, a pylon (Don't ask), and his Mouse. After he fonally comes home 4 hours late, he finds the condoms and we proceed throing them at eachother for fun, then I run upstairs, throw it on the head of the reeloading sloppy loud obnoxious and feminazi girlfriend of [sadrx]s brother, then run for my life. She and he come downstairs and she's throwing a shit fit while I hide behind my door, they're screaming stuff about sexual harassment and they (20 year olds) call Ben's parents and Ben's brother is CRYING! Crying to mommy because a condom hit his girlfriend in te head. Ben just keeps telling them calmly to Call the police if they're so upset. I then make a sneaky dash for Ruyans room and hide in his clsoet for like.. 15 minutes while the ranting continues. Eventually I come out as the Feminazi who I so horribly victimized and her broken beaten and opressed manservent... I mean boyfriend... Proclaim they're not talking to Ben or me ever again and that they're going to stay in a hotel.
After laughing and making fun of situations where they actually DO call the cops (As they "Promised" they would) by walking around in nothing but a bathrobe and boxwers acting out exactly how I would answer the door. Purple bathrobe wide open, scratching/fon
Then we go upstairs to find out that the slobs have left a bunch of food laying out, made a mess of our livingroom (Pile of chicken bones and half eaten food) and using/quite possibly ruining a very expensive cookie sheet bought by one of the roomies to be used only for baking covered in chicken bones which they didn't clean up.
The moral of the story is:
CONDOMS ARE FUNNY!
Ah, Yahoo chat never fails me when I need a good laugh... a bunch of horny people and auto-messaging bots all saying the same thing "Look at my picture, show me yours, you're sexy, lets' chat!" All the while I sit there snickering wondering if it's even possible to reduce myself to their level of chat and join in. I have never done it... it's be like... trying to join the special olympics... Then again, people with disabilities make better company than the Yahoo chatters. I know, I've worked in a Physical rehab clinic and they have really nice people there who don't want to see my pic or private chat with me.
Written about Friday 2005-12-23
Written: (7473 days ago)
I found this online. I deemed it Hilarious:
Im Just as old as you want me to be.
But lets just say im "20".
Now, What do I look like?
Before or after im dressed up?
Well After,
I have long sexy red hair.
My long nails are painted red to match->
My almost see through slinkly little dress
I have on that barely
covers my ass.
Stilleto heals,
Deep green eyes,
Pouty lips,
Large, perky breasts
and a smile that STOPS TRAFFIC.
And BEFORE im dressed up?
Im .Bald.
And wearing Panties,
Sometimes my weenie sticks out.
Written about Thursday 2005-12-01
Written: (7495 days ago)
Soooo... here's a thought.
Some people think that if a guy sticks his penis into a womans vagina, but doesn't do much else with it but put it there and doesn't get off, than it's not really sex.
Does that mean if a girl puts it in her mouth and he doesn't get off, it isn't really a blowjob?
Or if it Goes in the ass even for a moment, it's called Butt Sex, but a few minutes in a vagina isn't concidered sex?
If the penis went in, the virginity went out. That's how I see it.
The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.
What the fuck is happening to my fucking computer?! First, Windows Media Player fucks out on me for no reason. One minute, I'm watching a movie then BLAM, an error message pops up saying there's an internal error, then after that, It just stops running all together, I can't even open it. Fine. I moved on to DivX.
All was well for awhile. Then something pops up on ym computer that keeps messing with Internet Explorers front page. Cleaning out my Spyware and Adware doesn't stop it from doing this. Fine. I move to Firefox.
Now this is the last straw. My fucking Firefox, in the middle of looking through some webpages, says it has to close down for because it's already running (?) so I shut down the page. Then is says I need to make a new profile. So I do. Then I realize ALL my bookmarked pages are gone. All 200 of the fucking things. I restart my computer and after that, Mozilla refuses to open! I click on it, and all I get is a 10 minute wait, and then a message saying This program needs to shut down to complete instillation.
Could someone tell me what the fuck is going on before I take an axe to this fucked up computer? It's already falling apart so to save myself the pain, I just wanna put this piece of shit out of it's misery.
No Viruses, No Adware, No Spyware on my computer, I didn't install anything new, this crap ust happens spontaniously, even while I'm running the program!
I tried to leave out any spoilers. Just names and concepts that are already introduced in the commercials are here. Nothing to ruin the plot.
I've been reading the entire script of Land of the Dead... It's nuts. I mean... Zombies are fecking using GUNS! First a rifle, then an Automatic, Plus using a knife to cut through a wall, and a jackhammer to destroy a stone wall. I'm only half done but geeze it's off. The zombies are to smart. First the fast Zombies from Dawn of the Dead, now the Smart ones? God damnit. This is more rediculous than scary. Next they'll be moaning Braaaaaaaains.
And all the zombie hunters have Code Names! Like Pilsburry for a fat sumo sized woman, Teahouse for a Chineman, Mouse for a guy with a rat face... It's like a cheezy DC comic book...
Speaking of Rats, there are Rat Zombies... RATS. How does a Rat become a Zombie? Eating Zombies? I've aways read that animals won't eat a Zombies flesh and Zombies will leave animals alone.
And finally, the Damned things show Emotions. Like using one of their guns to shoot a flaming zombie out of pity, or looking surprised, or looking curious or confused... God I can't take it anymore...
Hey check it out. A friend of my brothers' who I went to highschool with is on Canadian Idol.
http://www.ctv
Zombies
My worst fear ever is zombies. They haunt my dreams, they haunt my imagination, if I watch a zombie movie they haunt my reality. The thought of an unthinking, shambling mound of death moving towards me with the intent of eating me alive just makes me want to curl into a ball and die... yet here I go thinking up a movie idea to make for fun... With Zombies as the basis! It's not a new idea I'm sure. Anyone who's ever owned a camp and has an imagination will have thought of this I'm sure. But This is my take on it...
It's one of those movies seen through the eyes of a video camera, first person view the whole time with the camera occasionally being passed back and forth from person to person so the camera guy can do some stuff. It's all innocent to begin with. In typical Blair Witch fashion, the first half hour is dedicated to building the plot and character of the 6 young adults. It documents the arrival at the parking space from isnde the car, the little treck through the woods to get to the secluded cabin overlooking a lake.
But set more in the summer time or fall, without the snow.
The film stops as the cameraman has to carry some stuff and restarts outside the camp looking around at the scenery, then into the camp where everyone is having a jolly good time getting set up. Camera stops again as they decide to go for a canoe trip.
The camera restarts from the shore showing 3 of the people canoeing aroudn in the little cove and then someone from off screen asks "Who's that" and the camera looks a little ways down the lake into the woods and someone wearing hunters orange is moving along the shore then disappears into the woods while the cameraman tries to get a better look. Someone says it's probably just a hunter and al is good. The guys come back in from the lake and tie up the canoe to a stump, bringing one end a little ways out of the water. Camera cuts off.
Camera resumes with people sitting around eating, talking about stuppid stuff, music playing. Camera goes out to the porch, looks around, comes back in, camera gets turned off.
After Dark, the camera resumes, people sitting around drinking, jokes flying around, eventually someone anounces that it's time to break the seal. Exit player. More conversation goes on for about 2 minutes then someone comments that it's taking the other one a long time to take a leak so Camera guy and someone else decide to go investigate. They head into the woods with a flashlight and the camera and find their friend laying on the ground. They rush to the persons side and then hear moaning in the woods and the flashlight catches a few shapes lumbering towards them. They try to grab their fallen friend but the friend turns over to reveal blood covering his/her face and letting out a horrible shreak, starts to get up. The 2 run back to the camp in a panic, running inside and slamming the door and locking it, then screaming for the other 3 to start barricading the windows and door that can be reached from the ground. Camera off.
Camera returns with the furniture piled against the door, and the beds upturned against the windows. There is no noise from outside yet, but the guysd are paniced, trying to sort out whats going on, and trying to get over the fact that one of their friends is dead. Tension is rising and they're snaopping, to much confusion. One of them is thinking of making a run for the lake and the canoe. Someone gets up to look out the window and see if the zombies are still out there. He sits down again reporting that he saw nothing then a pounding starts comming from the back rooms, like something trying to get in the windows. They run out to the deck, which is to high for anything climb up and look aroudn the corner and catch figures at the door of the camp, pressing against it and pawing at the door. More moans are in the woods. One guy says he'll get to the canoe and canoe down to the road at the other end of it and go get help, leaps the railing, drops the 9 feet to the ground and runs down to the canoe. All the camera sees is him make it half way there and then a zombie reaches out and grabs him from behind a stump. Screaming then silence. The guys still alive start screaming and run back into the cabin. You see the cameraguys legs start to slide over the edge of the porch and the camera shuts off.
Camera resumes, one or more guys are crying and the ones who arent't just sitting there. Basiclly all hope has been lost. They're trying to figure out how long they can hold out in here and hope for daylight. Crashing comes from one of the side rooms and there is a scramble to the room, poker, hatched, axe and canoe paddle drawn but the bed is in the way so nothing can get through the window. Moaning is comming in loudly from outside. Someone starts freaking out that they have to get out of there. A Plan is formed that they're all going to run together. Hit the ground running and swinging weapons. The cameraman is handed the hatchet and told to keep filming because if they make it they'll need proof and if they don't people will have to know what happened to them. They head to the porch and camera guy shuts off the camera.
It restarts seconds later as he hits the groundand the others jumping down beside him, some with flashliights along with weapons. There's malot of moaning and screaming, one of the guys twists his ankile and another guy rushes to his aid, managing to get him half way down to the canoe and then they're both heard screaming and the camera guy turns around to see them being surrounded. The other survivor ushers the cameraman into the canoe and pushes it off from the shore starts paddling like mad. The whole time the camera showing zombies lining the shore, all looking like hunters in orange. some of them start wading into the waterbut eventually they get so far out in the lake the shore isn't clearly visible in the flashlight. Just the dotted light of the cabin and that's all. The other guy is crying at the other end of the canoe and pukes over the edge. The camera guy decides to shut down the camera.
The camera starts again with the sun somewhat up, he calls out for his companion who doesn't answer. The camera looks back at the camp and then at his friend, and focuses on a bloody bite mark on his shoulder. He screams a curse as his sleeping friend stirs, blue lipped, eyes rolled back in his head and the camera falls into the canoe, a blood curdling scream and the camera battary dies.
Writing tis scared me to death... And I know it's cliche but my god this would be the funnest and scariest thing ever for me to take part in...
MAssage Clinic was so dead tonight. I only had one client then 3 hours sitting around being bored so I took out my note pad and scribbled down some stuff. Here's the most mentionable of them... I was bored. Seriously. I wanted to make myself laugh and indeed I did.
Yo my name is Joey
And I'm Super Freaky Fly
My Rhym'll come an' kick you
where the sun don't shine
I'll give your mom a humpin'
'Mmake your daddy cry
And when I'm about to finish
I'ma Jack off in his eye
No Playas dare to step up
To a Hata big as I
Cause I'd shove a Big Old Dildo
So far down his throat He'd die
My porn stash is only described
as F.E. Nomenal
I gots Girl on Girl and some
Who'll fuck an Animal
I make little Kiddy's cry
Wit Awfulk shit I say
But if they dare talk back to me
They'll wind up on eBay
My Muthafuckin mission
should be plain for all to see
To offend every Momma
Daddy
Son
So Disrepectfully
All spelling errors intentional in typical rap fashion
... So yeah. I kinda read this off to one of my class mates and she just kinda stared at me. Then I walked away laughing to myself. I rule.
Written about Thursday 2005-04-14
Written: (7726 days ago)
And the animals no longer run this Zoo. Time for the wrath of a passive agressive jackass in sheeps clothing to be unleashed. Ashton is still being loud, Charlene is still HERE even though she was supposed to leave earlier today. That makes 3 loud people in the livingroom who don't belong in the house let alone the basement after midnight... I'm just trying to supress the urge to laugh... it's so hard to bring out the demon in me when the giggly giddy partof me is overjoyed with this power.
My word is Law, My 365$ a month rent has been reduced to 300$, Ryan gets to move into the biggest room in the house for only 10$ increase to his rent. All because Anaes says we are the ideal tenants in this house.
Now how to approach this... should I just walk out and turn off the TV and livingroom lights?... it seems like the most amusing option since none of those brats belong here... we shall see... 5 minutes until I make my move. I'll update tomorrow.
Victory is Mine!
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Stewie says it best!
The Bitches Are Evicted
Last night was the last straw. at 1:30, the TV and the CD player and the loud talkers were yacking away in the room next to me and whenh I aked for silence, I got a full refusal saying that they weren't being that loud... Loud enough for me to hear their stupic conversation about Hot or Not?
So after school today I went to the Land Ladies office in the Canadian Cultural Association and had a long talk with her. She seemd a bit annoyed to be pulled out of work but after a few mins she softened up to my plight. Aparently there have been many outside complaints about the noise from our house, and the fact that the two girls that make the most noise never pay their rent on time and throw big parties when the lease states no parties.
Both these girls are big into getting drunk 24/7 and doing hard drugs on the weekends. Both of the bitches Are Pregnant. Last weekend was one of their birthday parties and at 10:30, after my roup had left for D&D, the neighbors called the Landlady with a complaint about the noise and Anaes called to tell the girls to kick out the guests, there were no parties allowed in that part of the city. They obviously didn't listen because when my friends and I got home we had to step around drunk people on the floors. So now it's over... there is so much I could say from them from the piles of dishes they expect Ryan to clean, to putting Rotten Food infront of his door. Then there's the loud talking on school nights, the music bring turned up so high that I can't hear the TV in the basement over their one Dance Mix that they play on repeat for hours on end.
Their both crying upstairs... Normally I don't like hearing girls cry but when they brought my wrath upon them...