This is the funniest comic... Ever!
www.machall.co
I had to share. I rarely laugh when I'm alone but this got me.
The coolest 404 I ever got. Ever.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary,
...Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore',
...While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
...And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
..."'Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my cheap hardcore!" -
Quoth the server, "404".
How do I wind down after a long day at work when the computers aren't working, the programs are booting us, the phones are randomly hanging up on customers?
I start tracking down any female guard and other badge holding Towners who's name link appears before me and I throw a pie at them and steal their panties.
Why?
Because I am lovable and can get away with it.
I hope.
I am right? Seriously.
Bah, oh well. I am awsome.
Totally random thought of the moment:
What would happens if some Door to Door Mormons (There are some that come to my street every couple of months) were at someones house half way through their pitch, and some Door to Door Jehovah's Witnesses showed up... and the family that the Mormons were talking to invited the Jehovah's Witnesses in to sit down in the living room... I think it would be awkward to an extreme... Especially if you turned it into a competition kind of like a Presidential Debate... Hehehe... Sure it might not seem funny to some people but if you put the Mortal Kombat theme in there and picture the two groups fighting, it is hilarious.
If I believed in hell, I would be very VERY worried about going there... until I realized I am so awsome that the dark lord of that place would see me and pledge his unwavering fealty to me... But enough rammbling. I need to go save my icecream from the freezer of [sevengem] before she goes through with her threat and eats it after I have left it there 3 trips in a row... Dumbass am I
So I come home to find the Magazine rack Ryan and I had found in pieces, broken pieces, with my punching bag laying over the debris on the basement floor. ryan had as much ownership as I did and we had aghreed it's future was to be our combined decision.. And then ryan tels me it was a group decision from the guys to destroy it. Yeah Ben, I feel really confident about renewing me lease here. I mean... There is so much respect for MY Property. Why is it my things that have to get destroyed for your need to destroy random things? Why don't you guys destroy your OWN things huh? Leave mine THE FUCK ALONE.
So there I was, walking home from Willie's after playing some D&D Minis, walking the 10 minute strip between our places and I see 2 people walking up the street. They're shorter than me, walking with fake limps and swinging their arms like they're Gangster, baggy pants, baggier hoodies, ballcaps pulled low. I cross the street to avoid them and also because I had to cross the road anyways to get to the side of the road my street is on, and they cross shortly after. I'm kind of tensing up because I don't trust people. Especially ones who are hiding their faces under hoods and hats after dark. They silently walk past me and before I can even breath a sigh of relief I feel a hand on my Right shoulder. I turn and from my left, one of them jumps beside me and nails me in the side of the face right next to my right eye with a hook, then the other one leaps around and takes another swing. They got 2 hits in each, I'm effectivly blinded because they got me with their knuckles in the eye so my vision is doubled, my contacts have slipped and frankly, I'm in to much shock to do anything. They don't even try to rob me. They just laugh and run off cheering. From their laughs and what I saw of their faces (Sunken in cheeks, shaggy hair and big noses. The normal look for just about every highschool thug wannabe around this city) it was enough for me to realize that the only way for me to describe these kids to the police is "Yeah. LEt's go to the mall and I'll point out about 300 possible people who look like and dress like the 2 that jumped me". So I got my baring straight, walked home, grabbed my Tonfu off the wall and went hunting for about an hour and a half up and down the possible streets they could have detoured to. After being unsiccesful, I went to Misty's because she was closer and stayed there for the night. There is no serious bruising aroudn my euyes but it is darker than usual under and along the sides of my eyes and it hurts to lay with my head on either side or even rub my eyes. I think I'll be keeping that Night Stick up my sleeve when walking alone after dark for a little while longer. I think ti's some moronic game the brats play. Go Out And Randomly Beat Someone For No Fucking Good Reason! What do they ened to do that for? Street Creds? Bah. I'm going to sleep now.
Mwahaha! Shinanagins getting me into even more trouble. It all started while we were waiting for Ryan to get home to play D&D. 2 hours later, he's still not home so we raid his room and stuff random things into condoms, like his pillow, depderant, a pylon (Don't ask), and his Mouse. After he fonally comes home 4 hours late, he finds the condoms and we proceed throing them at eachother for fun, then I run upstairs, throw it on the head of the reeloading sloppy loud obnoxious and feminazi girlfriend of [sadrx]s brother, then run for my life. She and he come downstairs and she's throwing a shit fit while I hide behind my door, they're screaming stuff about sexual harassment and they (20 year olds) call Ben's parents and Ben's brother is CRYING! Crying to mommy because a condom hit his girlfriend in te head. Ben just keeps telling them calmly to Call the police if they're so upset. I then make a sneaky dash for Ruyans room and hide in his clsoet for like.. 15 minutes while the ranting continues. Eventually I come out as the Feminazi who I so horribly victimized and her broken beaten and opressed manservent... I mean boyfriend... Proclaim they're not talking to Ben or me ever again and that they're going to stay in a hotel.
After laughing and making fun of situations where they actually DO call the cops (As they "Promised" they would) by walking around in nothing but a bathrobe and boxwers acting out exactly how I would answer the door. Purple bathrobe wide open, scratching/fon
Then we go upstairs to find out that the slobs have left a bunch of food laying out, made a mess of our livingroom (Pile of chicken bones and half eaten food) and using/quite possibly ruining a very expensive cookie sheet bought by one of the roomies to be used only for baking covered in chicken bones which they didn't clean up.
The moral of the story is:
CONDOMS ARE FUNNY!
Ah, Yahoo chat never fails me when I need a good laugh... a bunch of horny people and auto-messaging bots all saying the same thing "Look at my picture, show me yours, you're sexy, lets' chat!" All the while I sit there snickering wondering if it's even possible to reduce myself to their level of chat and join in. I have never done it... it's be like... trying to join the special olympics... Then again, people with disabilities make better company than the Yahoo chatters. I know, I've worked in a Physical rehab clinic and they have really nice people there who don't want to see my pic or private chat with me.
I found this online. I deemed it Hilarious:
Im Just as old as you want me to be.
But lets just say im "20".
Now, What do I look like?
Before or after im dressed up?
Well After,
I have long sexy red hair.
My long nails are painted red to match->
My almost see through slinkly little dress
I have on that barely
covers my ass.
Stilleto heals,
Deep green eyes,
Pouty lips,
Large, perky breasts
and a smile that STOPS TRAFFIC.
And BEFORE im dressed up?
Im .Bald.
And wearing Panties,
Sometimes my weenie sticks out.
Soooo... here's a thought.
Some people think that if a guy sticks his penis into a womans vagina, but doesn't do much else with it but put it there and doesn't get off, than it's not really sex.
Does that mean if a girl puts it in her mouth and he doesn't get off, it isn't really a blowjob?
Or if it Goes in the ass even for a moment, it's called Butt Sex, but a few minutes in a vagina isn't concidered sex?
If the penis went in, the virginity went out. That's how I see it.
The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.
What the fuck is happening to my fucking computer?! First, Windows Media Player fucks out on me for no reason. One minute, I'm watching a movie then BLAM, an error message pops up saying there's an internal error, then after that, It just stops running all together, I can't even open it. Fine. I moved on to DivX.
All was well for awhile. Then something pops up on ym computer that keeps messing with Internet Explorers front page. Cleaning out my Spyware and Adware doesn't stop it from doing this. Fine. I move to Firefox.
Now this is the last straw. My fucking Firefox, in the middle of looking through some webpages, says it has to close down for because it's already running (?) so I shut down the page. Then is says I need to make a new profile. So I do. Then I realize ALL my bookmarked pages are gone. All 200 of the fucking things. I restart my computer and after that, Mozilla refuses to open! I click on it, and all I get is a 10 minute wait, and then a message saying This program needs to shut down to complete instillation.
Could someone tell me what the fuck is going on before I take an axe to this fucked up computer? It's already falling apart so to save myself the pain, I just wanna put this piece of shit out of it's misery.
No Viruses, No Adware, No Spyware on my computer, I didn't install anything new, this crap ust happens spontaniously, even while I'm running the program!
I tried to leave out any spoilers. Just names and concepts that are already introduced in the commercials are here. Nothing to ruin the plot.
I've been reading the entire script of Land of the Dead... It's nuts. I mean... Zombies are fecking using GUNS! First a rifle, then an Automatic, Plus using a knife to cut through a wall, and a jackhammer to destroy a stone wall. I'm only half done but geeze it's off. The zombies are to smart. First the fast Zombies from Dawn of the Dead, now the Smart ones? God damnit. This is more rediculous than scary. Next they'll be moaning Braaaaaaaains.
And all the zombie hunters have Code Names! Like Pilsburry for a fat sumo sized woman, Teahouse for a Chineman, Mouse for a guy with a rat face... It's like a cheezy DC comic book...
Speaking of Rats, there are Rat Zombies... RATS. How does a Rat become a Zombie? Eating Zombies? I've aways read that animals won't eat a Zombies flesh and Zombies will leave animals alone.
And finally, the Damned things show Emotions. Like using one of their guns to shoot a flaming zombie out of pity, or looking surprised, or looking curious or confused... God I can't take it anymore...
Hey check it out. A friend of my brothers' who I went to highschool with is on Canadian Idol.
http://www.ctv


MAssage Clinic was so dead tonight. I only had one client then 3 hours sitting around being bored so I took out my note pad and scribbled down some stuff. Here's the most mentionable of them... I was bored. Seriously. I wanted to make myself laugh and indeed I did.
Yo my name is Joey
And I'm Super Freaky Fly
My Rhym'll come an' kick you
where the sun don't shine
I'll give your mom a humpin'
'Mmake your daddy cry
And when I'm about to finish
I'ma Jack off in his eye
No Playas dare to step up
To a Hata big as I
Cause I'd shove a Big Old Dildo
So far down his throat He'd die
My porn stash is only described
as F.E. Nomenal
I gots Girl on Girl and some
Who'll fuck an Animal
I make little Kiddy's cry
Wit Awfulk shit I say
But if they dare talk back to me
They'll wind up on eBay
My Muthafuckin mission
should be plain for all to see
To offend every Momma
Daddy
Son
So Disrepectfully
All spelling errors intentional in typical rap fashion
... So yeah. I kinda read this off to one of my class mates and she just kinda stared at me. Then I walked away laughing to myself. I rule.
I Rule. It's a fact. I rule so much I make children cry!
On my way home from school some little snot nosed 8 (Give or take) year old said I was a freak. Normally I'm passive, but it's a nice day and I hate ignorance. Especially from people who don't even know what the words they say mean. So here's how it went down:
Kid On Sidewalk by Elementary> Freeeeak
Me, Tall, Black Clad, Ultimately Awsome and Modest> So what? You smell.
Kid> I do not!
Me> Yeah you do. I can smell you from here.
Kid> You're lieing
Me> Nope. You seriously stink. I bet your mom and dad think you stink too
Kid> No thay don't! I took a bath today!
Me> Nah, your parents probably hate you because you smell so bad.
Kid> I DON'T STINK!!! WAAAAH!
If you can't even dish it out right, you Certainly Can't Take It.
Oh yeah, Earlier that day, in typical me fassion, I asked a pregnant girl if a Baby is concidered a Perasite, an STD or a Malignant Growth. The question was simply made because I said I'm glad I can't get pregnant because Parasites and things growing in my body frighten me to a phobia style preportion.
I havn't done anything spontanious and odd lately... I was kind of hopeing my next random act of weirdness would involve Ashton's blood and the final silence in the house afterwards, but alas, I'll have to do with this. Over Easter Break, I saw my brother and my Dad with their shirts off. I am from a family of Sasquatches! I have never seen how hairy I get... I shave about once a week to keep my chest hair and stomach hair at bay. Also I am lucky enough not to have the full body oozing acne my younger brother has from his hockey equipment so I should be good to go. I think starting today, since Claire isn't here to stop me, and nobody else really cares, and we'll no longer be removing shirts in Massage Techniques class, I'm going to stop shaving my stomach and chest. My back is smooth and bald, and my shoulders only have a few hairs.
Now, as it stands, my chest hair is light brown, and my stomach hair is light brown but getting blacker as it turns to the center. Below the belt... Same color as on my head. I want to know once and for all if I'm going to be a damned Sasquatch when I get older. My legs and thighs already say Yes since I don't shave them (Leg Hair Provides Warmth), but I'm lucky enough to have very light brown hair on my legs so it doesn't show up as much. Anyone who knows me well knows I hate my body hair. It's itchy and just in general not good looking. I look in the miror, I see body hair, I go Eww. That's about it. So I'm going to see how I'll end up. As far as I can tell I have a diamond of hair on my chest, then it kind of turns into a thin line trailing down to above my belly button and then spreading out like the bottom of a whine glass. ... Hehe.
Now I am forced to ponder... is this spontanious... or Just Lazy.