MAssage Clinic was so dead tonight. I only had one client then 3 hours sitting around being bored so I took out my note pad and scribbled down some stuff. Here's the most mentionable of them... I was bored. Seriously. I wanted to make myself laugh and indeed I did.
Yo my name is Joey
And I'm Super Freaky Fly
My Rhym'll come an' kick you
where the sun don't shine
I'll give your mom a humpin'
'Mmake your daddy cry
And when I'm about to finish
I'ma Jack off in his eye
No Playas dare to step up
To a Hata big as I
Cause I'd shove a Big Old Dildo
So far down his throat He'd die
My porn stash is only described
as F.E. Nomenal
I gots Girl on Girl and some
Who'll fuck an Animal
I make little Kiddy's cry
Wit Awfulk shit I say
But if they dare talk back to me
They'll wind up on eBay
My Muthafuckin mission
should be plain for all to see
To offend every Momma
Daddy
Son
So Disrepectfully
All spelling errors intentional in typical rap fashion
... So yeah. I kinda read this off to one of my class mates and she just kinda stared at me. Then I walked away laughing to myself. I rule.
I Rule. It's a fact. I rule so much I make children cry!
On my way home from school some little snot nosed 8 (Give or take) year old said I was a freak. Normally I'm passive, but it's a nice day and I hate ignorance. Especially from people who don't even know what the words they say mean. So here's how it went down:
Kid On Sidewalk by Elementary> Freeeeak
Me, Tall, Black Clad, Ultimately Awsome and Modest> So what? You smell.
Kid> I do not!
Me> Yeah you do. I can smell you from here.
Kid> You're lieing
Me> Nope. You seriously stink. I bet your mom and dad think you stink too
Kid> No thay don't! I took a bath today!
Me> Nah, your parents probably hate you because you smell so bad.
Kid> I DON'T STINK!!! WAAAAH!
If you can't even dish it out right, you Certainly Can't Take It.
Oh yeah, Earlier that day, in typical me fassion, I asked a pregnant girl if a Baby is concidered a Perasite, an STD or a Malignant Growth. The question was simply made because I said I'm glad I can't get pregnant because Parasites and things growing in my body frighten me to a phobia style preportion.
I havn't done anything spontanious and odd lately... I was kind of hopeing my next random act of weirdness would involve Ashton's blood and the final silence in the house afterwards, but alas, I'll have to do with this. Over Easter Break, I saw my brother and my Dad with their shirts off. I am from a family of Sasquatches! I have never seen how hairy I get... I shave about once a week to keep my chest hair and stomach hair at bay. Also I am lucky enough not to have the full body oozing acne my younger brother has from his hockey equipment so I should be good to go. I think starting today, since Claire isn't here to stop me, and nobody else really cares, and we'll no longer be removing shirts in Massage Techniques class, I'm going to stop shaving my stomach and chest. My back is smooth and bald, and my shoulders only have a few hairs.
Now, as it stands, my chest hair is light brown, and my stomach hair is light brown but getting blacker as it turns to the center. Below the belt... Same color as on my head. I want to know once and for all if I'm going to be a damned Sasquatch when I get older. My legs and thighs already say Yes since I don't shave them (Leg Hair Provides Warmth), but I'm lucky enough to have very light brown hair on my legs so it doesn't show up as much. Anyone who knows me well knows I hate my body hair. It's itchy and just in general not good looking. I look in the miror, I see body hair, I go Eww. That's about it. So I'm going to see how I'll end up. As far as I can tell I have a diamond of hair on my chest, then it kind of turns into a thin line trailing down to above my belly button and then spreading out like the bottom of a whine glass. ... Hehe.
Now I am forced to ponder... is this spontanious... or Just Lazy.
Ryan (Strat's Roster) unwittingly gave me a vent for my frustration. He called me up from work and said he's getting off at 6:30 and I'm to meet him in the aprk to play aroudn with the padded weapons. he doesn't yet know my need to seriously kick someones ass. Double Medium Sword combo vs his Two Bladed Sword... and a whole lot of snow. Nah.. I'll be good to the guy. I'll only bruise him up a little. But the bruising is the best way to get rid of some anger. It's not painful, I'm kinda looking forward to a good competition. Maybe I'm a bit Masichistic. According to some other people there isn't enough padding on the weapons and I've almost gotten a black eye and did some damage to my finger and in general got a whole bunch of other sores but they help me cool down. Then afterwards, since the Sun still goes down at about 7:30 so we'd only be playing for an hour tops, we can plan how I'm going to get rid of Ashton and Mindy... I'm thinking Spiders, throwing Honey in the dryer with their cloths and doing a repeat of the Twisted Demented Shampoo of Doom I pulled on Gurp back in early 2003... the Turkey Fucker desirved it I tell you!
I failed 4 Exams. 4 fucking exams... Each one failed was after a night of fighting with my roomies to shut up and let me get some sleep or sleeping in a quiet roomies bedroom after giving up the fight at 2am... I'm not putting up with this any more. Each rewrite is 25$ that I don't have. I thought I did good on the exams. 72% means something. It means that I only needed 1 more correct answer to pass. ONE Fucking ANSWER! I'm not rewriting all of them. I did get a 92% on my Overall Techniques Exam. Lost marks because my finger went under the sheets when doing the pec massage. It's not my fault the girl they paired me up with had breasts that went up to her chin when she was laying on her back. It was go under the sheets a little or have her whole tit hanging out... And I had to kneel for alot of that exam which I guess is bad for my knees but the fooking tables aren't high enough for me. The onyl one I feel the need to rewrite is the Techniques (Which has nothing to do with the Tehcniques mark I just walked about) part of the OSCE which I failed because when undraping, the judge saw something exposed that wouldn't have been concidered exposed if I had been alone with the client. I was asleep through most of that exam (It was a practical exam, 6 stations, 10 minutes each, 3 minutes between each to prepare)... I'll retake the Practical Exam, I can make up for the 72% in the others next simester... after my report card... god fucking damnit... Hopefully I did goot enough with my Neutrition mark to bring up my Bio to a pass, and my Arthro presentation was 100% so that could bring my mark up some as well... Written Clinical... well I'll just push harder for next simester. 75% is a pass but I want to do better than just pass. I probably failed the Cardiac Anatomy test today too. I was woken up last night after midnight by Techno music comming from upstairs or next to me...
Ashton and Mindy, the fucking Bitchsluts (They really are, it's not just an insult it's a fact) feel the need to blare their music loud enough to be heard all over the house. I asked them to turn it down and Midny, being the Queen bitch and a spoiled priss mouthed at me saying she could have the music as loud as she wanted in her room. No arguing with her. She has it in her heads that her rights to listen to her music as loud as she wants (Which violated the lease... then again half the stuff she does violates it) are more impo0rtant than my NEED to study... I'm hoping this gets settled soon.
I can't believe I failed by 1 mark each!
It's funny how going to a school dealing in physical problems can reveal just how messes up ones body is.
So far I've figured out that I have:
Weak Rhomboid Muscles: These muscles run like ^ between your shoulder blades and help you pull back. And can be strengthened by rowing or laying on your stomach with oen arm hanging over the edge of a table or bed and letting your arm hang down, then lifting your arm out straight while holding a light weight.
Tight Scalenes: Among othe neck muscles, I can only flex my head to the Left half as well as I can to the Right.
Thoracic Outlet Symdrom: Holdin my arm at certain angles will actually cut off blood flow to my arm because of my tight neck muscles pinching off the arterys and veins.
Fibrosing Erector Spinae: Running my the lower part of my spine it feels like there's straw and not muscle under the skin. It's only on the left side and kind of burns.
And we havn't even gotten to the lower body yet.
Oddly enough, I've got ideal posture compared to today's norm of hunched over teens feigning angst, or hip hike like those wankers who wear their pants so low they can't use their upper legs to walk since the pants are belted around the middle of their thighs. Oh well, when your heads migrate to your chest and your knees become fused together, I'll be standing tall and laughing.
It's 4AM in the fucking morning. I'm sitting here because 3 drunken fucks are screaming and laughing at everything in the room next to me and have been doing so since 2am. They know I have to work. I'm sick of it, I've warned them, I'm telling the ladny lady. I don't care anymore if Mindy gets evicted. She's staying up all night partying on weeknights, depriving me of sleep and sleeping through her classes and failing. She's always going on about how she can bitch at anyone and get what she wants. I am not so easily swayed.
I have to get up early for work tomorrow, so while they're trying to get some sleep after the sun comes up, I'll be blasting the loudest hardest metal I can find while playing GTA:SA on full blast and go on a 6 Star killing Spree (If you don't know the game, it's a very very loud thing involving sirens and tanks and guns and screaming as I try and evade the cops/army before they can kill me). I hate loud noises. I have sensative ears and can hear peoples footsteps in the driveway from the basement living room. Yelling hurts my ears, screeching hurts my ears and to many people think "He who yells loudest, is most right". I think the more you have to yell, the less important what you're saying becomes. I'm going to bed. Maybe if they go for a smoke, I'll have a 10 minute window to hopefully fall into a deep enough sleep to not be woken up again...
Also, the more Fucks you add to your sentences, the less likely I am to pay attention and more likely to jam a 7 inch dildo in your eyesocket, vibration dial first, then give it a twist and kick you in the nuts or put alligator clips on your nipples. I'm violent when tired and pushed past my rage tolerance.
Condoms Flying around Massage School!!!
Yes indeedy. We had a woman come in about the importance of safe sex and the spready of HIV and AIDS. Kinky duscussion were being held... 30 girls and 4 guys it was kinda awkward being in the room... since I was spewing out fetishes that nobody had dreamed of. I can't believe how many people didn't know about blood letting. I'm also surprised that a hippie beat me to good ol' double penetration. Oh well. Any way, we played Jeopardy with Aids questions. and everyone who got a question right got a pack 6 condoms. 3 flavored, 3 regular. By the end of the day a bunch of us were trading condoms like children trade Yu-Gi-Oh or what ever other Magic: TG rip off game is popular with the lost causes these days. I've now got Cola, Grape and Chocolate flavored condoms. Go me!
I'm just glad my client at 7pm never noticed them sitting ontop of my jacket in the treatment room where I'd accidently left them... well maybe she did... eek... that would have been bad for my rep I tell ya. "What kind of Massage is this guy planning?" ... Though for a few extra bucks... ~Wink wink~ .. Not really. I have to take an Ethics and Standards class.
I've decided not to Rant in this entry. I'm just gonna break down the Holiday. For Buttsmas, I got to scare a priest, got to walk on a froxen lake for a few hours with my brother who I get along with now that we don't live together, and I got a new Memmory Stick for my Digicam which can take 3017 pics or 23 mins of video.
Scaring the prist was memmorable. He was waddling (He's wider than he is tall) and giving out tree decoations and caling all the kids up to get one (Probably so he wouldn't have to walk to the very back) and then he said that there were plenty and the students and college kids should come up to. So that was my que if I ever had one. I walked right up behind him in the center of the packed church and said in a little kid voice "Can I have one?" And he turns around looking at my big feet and then straight up at me and lets out a little surprised scream which everyone heard due to the microphone. I gave everyone a good laugh, my mission was complete. Now I can cross off my list of things to do before I die {Scare a Holy Man}
I've decided Elftown is one of the things that needs to be cut down on while I'm going to school. I failed my Midterm and a bunch of other tests due to Halloween and other related distractions. If I don't do good this Semester, they won't let me even bother taking a second one at their school so I need to cut my losses and study like I've never done before (And I havn't)... Someday I'll be back I hope but for now, School has to come first.
So much happened today.
On my walk home from school, this obese little grade 4 MacDonalds addict was staggering down the sidewalk near the local Elementary and as I passed the little fucker, my sense were assaulted by the most dense cloud of Pot stench I've ever experienced. And I lived with a Stoner and a Hippe! This little kid was High, staggering and only 5 minutes out of school? What the FUCK?
Then I'm walking up the street and notice another child, this one looking about the same age as the stoned little STD, and this kid was waring a spiked collar, a black shirt that went down to the back of his knees, and the brat was WACKING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD with a book every step he took! He kept looking ove rhis shoulder, then he'd continue walking... Step Step WACK step step WACK... ~Shakes his head~ I fear for the future of this species.
So something good did come from today though. I got my hair dyed black. The last part of my Vincent Costume. I'm going to wait until Haloween to put anything up in the Halloween Costume Competition 2004 though, as so many more pics will be taken at the party with and by my friends. Emily came over and did my prettyful hair. Now my God is the lord of darkness (I worship my hair incase you're totally unknowledgable about my lifestyle of weirdnes that only makes sense in my own head).
The bad part was, after I decided it was time to wash out the hair dye, I went inot the bathroom and Pulled the shower door OFF it's hinges and smacked myself in the face How it happened, I do not know. But I started swearing and staggering.
Emily: Oh come on it's not bleeding.
Me: ~Lookoing art bloody fingers~ Yes it is...
And then I look in the mirror as blood starts oozing down my nose from a cut on the bridge of my nose that looks like a sideways
So yeah, Massage school is going well so far. Tereminology week was fun, but now regular classes have started and more than half the class still don't hgave the text books due to really slow book store order arrivals. So we're already behind in work. It's alot of terminology, a brand new language that I have to learn and master. We dont' start clinical work with the public until second semester, which is in January, so I was bummed, thinking it'd be all book study! Blah!... And it is lot of book study stuff. I'm no good at taking notes. I need to recopy what I have , and it doesn't help that my organizational skills suck complete Donkey Balls.
I have made some friends and aquaintances, taken the roll of class clown, and am sometimes refered to as "The giant dude with the ponytail". T'is a good thing we all get aloing so well in the class. I'm one of the two guys in my class, the other being a hillbilly with a stutter. This Friday, we'll be practicing massage on our fellow classmates. Which means shorts and bras off (Maybe I just won't wear a bra, I'm not sure), lay on the massage table (We practiced setting up the tables today All sheets and the table must be washed before they can be used again. The sheets and pillowcases go in the laundry, the table is soaped down), and then we take turns practicing massage techniques. ... .. .. .... We did normal Sit down massages with shirts on and... how do I describe it... I could smell the "excitment" in the room. And it didn't help that the room was hot. So yeah, after I done with Cheryn, I left the room to get some air. I think I might need to get a jock to avoid embarassment.
Alright. Lets' tally up this weeks baddness so far:
Monday, Em loses her kitty,
Tuesday, My parents lose their Jobs
Wednesday, A new Co-worker is drugged at a party and has no clue if she got raped or not.
Just a fleeting thought... I'm told time and time again to Grow Up, Stop Being Immature, Act Your Age, Stop Acting Like A Child...
But when I ask "How Should I Act?" I'm never given an answer. I'm told how NOT to act, but never how to act. And if ever there is a result, it's very vague like "More Mature". What ever that means. Looking around, people my age seem to be out getting stoned, drunk, going to parties, geting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, getting into fights and other forms of crime. That's how I'm supposed to act? They think that's better than sword fighting, playing on a jungle gym, and generally goofing off and forgetting momentarily that I have a job, my own place and reponsabilitie
- "Alright... act grown up... uuum... How are you doing in the stock market?"
- "Alright sir. I will go act my age and to proove this, I shall knock up your daughter while she's drunk and half passed out." (Then I'd run away very fast, being glad fr my super long legs)
- "I tried that once, but then I fell asleep from bordum."
- "If that's the way it is, I'll just move to Never Never Land!"
- "Um... I don't think I need to grow any more!"
- "Why don't you try growing down?"
- "How about we strike a mature deal, you ignore me, like I intend to ignore you!"
Blah. I'm sick of being told how to act. I'm mature. I just have a sense of humor and energy to spare that seems to have been dumbed (And I stress the DUMB part) down by society these days. Society can suck my left nut then stick my right one up it's nose. Nobody is getting hurt, nobody is being forced to pay attention to me, Nobody is beinf forced at gun point to join in. Leave me be, I'll enjoy my youth for as long as I can while you go sit in a rocking chair in a plaid flannel shirt and overalls grummbling about everything instead of doing anything. Life is the longest fecking thing there is, and there's no sence acting like you're 80 before you even hit middle age!
My rant is done. Until next time.
Wednesday Night, August 18 to 19
Whew. Where to start. Long and very boring day at work. then I got off work and went to the Doller Store. And to begin the night with a bang and a buzz, I decided to suck down a few lung fulls of Helium!!! So I asked the girl at the counter, she said she didnt' care and so I went around squeaking at people. Joel, Willie and Ryan showed up around 8 and just as we met, a tiny BAT went flying past us. Me, completly not thinking, took off chasing the baby bat around the mall food court and loby area. I discarded my bookbag and then kept up the chase until Security yelled at me. ... mean security. I'm starting to not like the mall security guys. Anyways, After demonstrating the Helium game, Joel got food, we did stuff in Walmart, nothing spectacular, and headed back to my place so I could change and get food for muh belly. I ate a poptart and that's about it. We piled up the Boffering weapons (Padded sticks representing Mace, Spear, and a few lengths of swords) and headed down to the park. We played Football for awhile, tossing around Willie's ball until we all conceided that wre didn't have game. I picked up the weapons and started attacking Ryan until he finally agreed to play. And from there, Joel got involved, even challenging me to some short fights on the Balance Beam. Even Willie got in on the action for a little while. Despite people present, we managed some good fights. Ryan and I going Staff (Ryan) to Mace (Me) untilI decided that the Mace was useless against a staff and took my try and dual-weilding a 2 foot sword and a 3 foot sword. I did better, but Ryan is still really good with the staff. Probably because it had less padding and struck hard on the knuckles.
We decided to have a trade off fight where two people would fight and then when someone would lose, they would call in the next person in line. Ryan lasted through 4 fights before he was taken down. We killed eachother multiple times, I even have a few scratches on my shoulder. One memorable fight was me with my two sword combo and him with his favored staff. He got me right in the neck just as I drove the longer sword into his stomach. Being the dramatic guy I am, I rolled backwards and kept rolling, inadvertently landing on a bunch of sharp rocks. After we got tired of 1 on 1, it became Joel vs Ryan vs Joey in an all out fight. After 10 minutes of stand offs and remaining dead for the count of 10, the final fight ended when I turned my back on Joel to finish Ryan and Joel got me with the long sword. Then it was an attempted beat down of Willie.
We figured our sore and bruised hands needed a rest so we packed up the weapons and Willie's ball (teehee) in Joel's car and went walking. Stopping in to see Andrew (Strat's Roster) at Tim Hortons just as it was closing and got some food then headed down some dark streets until we found outselves at a Co-workers place. Stopped in to say Hi, I fixed her MSN, then we left. Shortly after, we found a Shopping cart and proceeded to lug it around for a good 45 minutes. We took it along a gravel walking trail and guess caught the attention of a man in a blue shirt because he kept appearing along the trail, and on the train bridge that was converted into a walking bridge. HE watcvhed us, left, showed up again, watched, left and then, after he disappeared again, we, all of us, dumped the shopping cart over the side of the bridge. The splash was awsome, and after listening, I even heard the clank as the cart hit the bottom of the river. Either it was a shallow area or the clank was really loud!
We headed back down the bridge and the dude in the blue shirt was leaning on the edge and asked us if we threw the cart over the edge. I mummbled maybe and shrugged, while the others said "Nah". Honestly, I think he was a memebr of the bridge patrol. So when he asked where we left the cart, we said it was at the othert end of the bridge. I did mention it would have made an awsome splash. Then the guy asked if we threw anyone over in it and we quickly asked "Why would we throw anyone over the edge in a cart?" Then it turned to jokes about throwing Ryan in the river as we walked away laughing at the silly notion of throwing the cart over the edge. As we left the light bridge trail, we saw him heading towards where we'd come from. We headed up to a different street and walked past Willie's art school, and there was this one strip of the street that was lined with Taxi's and bar activity. Then it was silent again as we made it past and went ot an irving where the usual guy who works there every weeknight was ricking out quite unashamed to Linkin Park - Faint, on the other side of the counter. We got some food to fill our bellies, headed back to the park and sat by the wading pool and talked about prom and Willie and Ryans told stories from pit parties. We didn't leave the park until about 3am. Then I was dropped off at home.
I was and still am so stiff from the beating and the walking. It was so worth it. I had to go to canadian Tire and get more insulation to pad up the weapons since we'd beat them up so badly, the duct tape was ripping and the padding was either crushed flat or torn apart. I can't wait for the next time!
Most Disturbing Dream I've Ever Had
And keep in mind i've had some pretty disturbing dreams!
:::
People Mentioned appear in Strat's Roster
The dream starts from where it's relivant with me walking home from highschool through the Elementary school. I see Joel playing in the jungle gym and walk past him with just a wave. As I get to the trail between the school woods and the houses, I notice Adam and Emily walking up the street beyond the houses, the hill I usualy walked up to get home and Adam looks like he's licking the back of Emily's neck and she doesn't look to be enjoying it. Then I hear Ryans voice and notice he's walking with them and Adam's looking pissed off so I hollar for Joel and we both run down the cement stairs to meet them at the top of the hill. Emily looks really troubled. I ask whats wrong and Adam starts yelling something about Emily being his fiancee. Everything kinda went in slow motion from there. I walked up, slowly towards Em until she nervously giggled and asked what. I asked if it was True while Joel and Ryan stood behind me and Adam walked off on his own. She told me she had said yes but looked on the verge of tears so I know it wasn't her decision. Then Adam yelled "Is it a Boy or a Girl Emily?!" with wayto much evil glee in his voice. I told Joel and ryan to get Emily to my place and we all took off running. Adam was prettyfar behind, and kept yelling stuff about the baby and his fiancee. Then he started giving chase down the street towards the path to my place. I ducked into some flower bushes lining the hill of a persons yard and tripped, Adam ducked into the bushes too and looked at me with an evil grin like yhe was about to charge me. I managed to regain my composure and ran down the trail but there were obsticles along the trail and I finally made it to my yard after getting knocked around by pieces of wood and jutting pieces of fence. I ran down my back yard and into my house but nobody was there so I instantly thought they must be at Kents. I didn't even look behind me and ran through another backyard trail to get to Kents but there was a fence door in the way so I had to detour around. Adam pulled out some keys and started opening the fence door while I wason the sidewalk going so fast I had to grab a light poll to change my dorection with the swing and slipped on it. I made it into Kents house before Adam and ran down stairs but nobody was there. Emily's mom was in the ktichen which looked like Kents normal kitchen but it was decorated more like Joel's house. I asked her where Emily was and she said everyone was in her room at the end of the hall. I asked if I could lock Adam out and she said Yes, so I did then she said No so I unlocked it just as he burst through the door. I raced down the hall and woke up just before getting into Emily's room where I could make out the details of Willie and Joel's shadows and hear Ryans voice. The dream was so real feeling, I woke up breathing really hard and couldn't get back to sleep.