Common thoughts on ghosts is they are restless spirits who have unfinished business on this earth. I'm pretty sure If I were to die in a car crash or some other accident, I would be a ghost to the extreme.

I've been thinking a lot about many things lately, anything to keep my mind off Kathryn, and coming up with some interesting distractions. First off I am planning a road trip. So far I have decided it should be by bus to see more, while not having to drive or get a hotel. Second, I have 4 possible people along the way that I would like to meet. Maybe more, maybe less, it depends on who is where and how much time I have off from work though as a contractor, I can take a month off as long as I can afford it.
Second, what should I do when my body no longer allows me to handle my massage work? I love helping people. If anything, I feed off of appreciation and the knowledge I've helped people with their problems. It's when I feel useless and helpless that I start to get down on myself so for my current state of mind, I'm at least in the right profession to get what I need. I have enough training in the physical body to be able to go into Physiotherapy, but the extra training in all the nerves and dealing with people who have had amputations or are paralyzed for life, and the whole causing pain to clients thing just doesn't sound all that appealing to me.
My second choice would be sexual therapist. I dispense enough advice as it is, and if I could get professional training in it, my knowledge would finally be refined! It's just a toy thought I'm still playing with. May never happen, but it sounds like fun work.

Today, I place Random Thoughts Here:

I found something else that drives me insane. Guys who wear womens pants that use "Gay" as an insult, and actually mean it to be hurtful. What the fuck is up with that?

It's really sad when I of all people can relate word for word with a Good Charlotte song. Seriously. It's got a catchy tune that I would like, but being able to relate to the song is a completely different thing.

I have an easier time understanding the Indian people who call centers are being outsourced to than the French Canadian people they hire around here when calling me. I think I just agreed to health benefits for my Visa but I cannot be completely sure as I couldn't understand a word of what she said.

I've been in quite a slump lately. Kathryn finalized our "Break" earlier this month by saying "I think we should just stay friends". And then telling me earlier this week that she started dating again, and she asked him out to see Juno to get the ball rolling. I still feel I could wait forever for her, as I can't imagine finding anyone in this reality that could fit the mold of what I want in a girl better than her. The break up was more due to the distance than anything, though I screwed and embarrassed myself a few times, it would likely have been different if I could prove that it wasn't something I always do. I'm just hoping that whole "If you love something let it go , so on ans so forth." So I'm extremely lonely on the relationship front, and putting myself into a self-imposed bachelorhood, because I'm seriously tired of starting over. I guess I could explain it as feeling like an old couch. At first the couch is shiny and new and comfortable and then a few springs get loose, maybe a rip or a tare here, and then the old couch gets thrown next to the dumpster to be replaced by a new one, and then the old couch is left out in the rain, waiting for someone else to come along and thing "Woah, Free Couch!" and then over time, the couch gets more ratty and once again thrown to the curb. This happens enough eventually the old couch isn't going to be picked up again. I'm tired of being taken in just to have to go through the cub again. Doesn't help that earlier this week I found the ring I had proposed to her with. I don't know what to do with it but I feel I would regret reselling it.

It honestly wouldn't be so bad if I had some friends around this town. This whole Slump isn't just the "Single Mopes". I seriously have no company here. Everyone I've met so far is not the type of person I ant to hang out with. Nobody reads for fun, nobody enjoys fantasy video games, everyone I've encountered near my age range acts like some sort of Frat boy or Sorostitute. I've got no peers around here and I honestly enjoy my conversations at work with the 40 year old men and women than I do with the people my own age. Come summer I'm hoping that having more people around will at least find me find one single diamond in the rough. Just someone I can hang out with. Preferably a girl not because I'm looking for a new girlfriend, but I just feel more open around ladies.

I've taken to playing Doctor Phil for some friends on MSN, including my 14 year old cousin, a friend who's crush is in therapy for post traumatic stress and doesn't feel he could mentally handle a relationship yet, and another friend whose boyfriend is unreliable due to not being used to having a girlfriend committed to him.

And I've got my own lady friends online. I get plenty of company in the evening while at the same time feeling a little bad for hogging their attention. It's odd because in the past I have always seemed to fall for the first girl to be nice to me or show me attention when I'm at the low point of a breakup, but this time around, all I want are friends just to be friends. I feel like I'm done looking, I just can' reach out and have what it was I was looking for.

So that's my current state of mind.

I'm also learning to remember my dreams. I started by switching my sleeping location, which always yields dreams for me and easy to remember ones. Then upon waking up I lay there for about 5 minutes going over the dream and deciding if I want to remember it. I had a heart crushing dream last night so I am trying to forget that and blame it for my current state of mind. On the 31st I had an amazing dream with one of my favorite recurring dream characters, who seems to be the personification of all I feel I'm missing in my life right now. I even put her in a comic and the dream had a kiss that was just so intense I want to draw it. Probably TMI, but it's my diary so I'll write anything I want here. The problem with drawing is when I'm down I don't feel the inspiration to pick up the pencils even though they're on the other side of my bed and the new sketch books are laying on the chair within arms reach.

I'm just hoping for a happier future. You'd think I would have accumulated enough Karma by now to deserve some lasting happiness. But I guess there is more for me to do before I get my happy ending. There is no way I'm going emo. I actually believe life is going to get better, I am just feeling low because it's taking it's sweet fucking time.

Don't you want to punch kids in movies sometimes? Like those action movies where a parent tells their kid to stay in the car, and the kid counts to three and then disobeys and ends up putting everyone in danger because of it, or goes chasing after an animal into a burning building or city (I'm currently watching that Discovery Channel "Super Comet: After the Impact" thing and the little French bitch is doing this stuff)? Or being told not to do something else, like Don't use the phone in case an emergency cal comes through and the kid rolls her eyes and starts yakking to her fellow dip shit friends on the phone right when the call that is needed to save someones life comes in? I know they're put in there to add suspense but I just want to jump into the movie, break the kids kneecaps and punch him or her in the face a few times all the while screaming "What Part Of Everything Is On Fire, Stay Here Don't You Understand!?"

Ugg. If I had a spawn that stupid I would just let it run right into the blazing inferno.

So I've been playing Wild ARMS 3 lately, now that Soul Calibur 3 has royally pissed me off with some of the parts of it's battle system (Why the hell would anyone keep doing a combo that takes 20 secnds to complete when the enemy stepped out of the way and is moving into position behind you while you're still stabbing straight forward?!?!?!) and I noticed that one of the villains, Janus Cascade, gets ahold of an artifact "spear" called The Eternal Sparkle. Now, the first thing I noticed is That is NOT a spear, it's a sword, then I noticed the shape of it, the design, and the huge freaking eye. I think to myself "That's Soul Calibur!" And thus is went for the rest of chapter 2, fighting him and seeing this Soul Calibur rip off. And then comes the end of chapter 2, when a Blue Armored Knight appears, a Demon from ancient times, and the origional owner of "The Eternal Sparkle". This Blue Armored demon has one arm that looks like a demonic claw, and it takes the Soul Calibur sword, and introduces itself as Seigfried! Now anyon who knows the Soul Calibur story knows what I'm talking about. This is funky. I wanna see what else got stollen!

Update on my absence. Still no internet in the dorms, and now my computer has decided after 3 years of slowly scratching it's disk to shreds to eat the part of the disk that recognizes the keyboard and mouse. Last weeks meal was the part of the disk that recognized Windows Media Player, the week before that was the part that I had installed my wireless keyboard. So now it's eaten the ability to even enter the password to open my computer. Luckily I still have "The Wizard", a 6 gig HD computer with a tower that is almost 2 feet tall that I found on the side of a road in a pile of rubbish some people threw out at the end of the school year. If I can just transplant the HD from the Wizard and possibly a few other parts that I think ae worn down my my 5 year old clunker, I should be back in action since I only really need the Wizards HD for Windows XP, my Secondary and External HDs can do the rest from there... though I'll have to reinstall so may programs... boooo.

Hmm... half an hour in this started going down hill

Of course when Willie removes his shirt, Joel and I are soon to join in.

Little did we know we inspiration would spread like wildfire.

And I somehow got cuffed to a 300lb viking. It was an Awsome party.

I am loving my new job. I got to move to St. Andrews, about 2 hours away from anybody I know. But I work in a frikken CASTLE! www.fairmont.com/algonquin is my new business location, I have done 11 massages, that's 11 hours of work, in a single week and made $385, and on top of that $170 in tips. It's a very luxurious hotel in the summer but it slows down a lot in the winter, but I don't need to be rich, I just need enough to live. I'm right next to the ocean, and on a nice day I can spend 6 hours watching the tide come in. in 6 hours, the water raises 50 feet, and then the tide goes out and then starts all over. It's really neat. The sand is all brick red, there are trees everywhere all turning color this time of year and I've finally got a job that I don't wake up dreading every morning.

Dealing with people 1 on one for a whole hour is awesome, and since I spent 18 months of my life training to be a Massage Therapist, I get the feeling of fulfillment from doing hat I want to do with my life. I either get really nice chatty people, who I find are the best tippers because they get a good chit chat out of it and a massage, and then there are plenty of people who just lay down and fall asleep after 20 minutes, so I'm just doing easy techniques to give my hands a break. My stamina seems to be holding up very well. I worked a 6 hour day with only 2 half hour breaks and walked away without my hands feeling sore at all. In order to keep my body from breaking down though I like to take a good 20 minute boiling hot shower.

The only thing I guess I could say ill about the new life is the dorms I'm staying in. The set up is great. 185 a month, everything but phone and internet included, the room is a nice size with a queen bed. My only issue is that it is a typical college dorm feel to it. The people who are just there hired for the summer that aren't doing it as a career like I am have nonstop loud parties going on until around 2am, the smell of pot in the basement gives me crippling headaches, but asking them not to do it would most certainly gain me enemies, and get me ignored anyways. So I'll just barricade my door so none of the smell can get in, and be out in the fresh air as much as I can. It is a haunted hotel after all. Plenty of ghosts to look for.

So I've been doing research into Why Dragon Ball Z Is The Worst Thought Out Anime Ever, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because it's like they started the whole series without any goal in mind. Like "Alright here's what going to happen in episode 1" ..."Well what happens after that?" "Oh, I'll think of that later."

Example:
Vegeta is all like "I'm the most powerful being in the universe!!!!" and then in the second saga, He's concidered one of the weaklings of Freizas forces

Piccolo destroyed Gokus ship to stop Gohan from being a giant ape going ape shit. Then in the freiza saga, Goku said his ship never got destroyed and has a space ship designed off the technology to get him to Namek

King Kai says that Three years ago the planet vegeta was destroyed by a metero swarm brought on by the earths guardian, when in reality it happened when goku was still a baby and it was done by Freiza, again supporting my story that every episode retconned the previous episode.

Goku is powerful enough to punch a hole through a mountain with a flick of his finger, buy he can still be hurt by stubbing his toe? WTF.

Oh. And The Green Goblin wannabe takes forever to charge a move to kill one weaking enemy but can blow up the moon by pointing at it.


In Conclusion, I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE dork.

this is the 3rd time I've tried to write a diary entry on this fucking useless pieceof shit work computer. It keeps promtping me for some password whenever I try to submit any form entry anywhere, then if I hit cancel, it changes to an error screen and I lose the entry. I'm ready to kick this computer, and the woman next to me because she is stressing every syllibl slowly. She's not talking to anyone hard of hearing, she just always talks like that and it's driving me nuts.
So here is my update:
I went to the interview at the Fiarmont Algonquin (http://www.fairmont.com/algonquin) yesterday. It's a nice spa, if I get the job I'd be working Tuesdays 1-5, Wednesday-Saturday from 9-5, Sunday Monday off. $35 from every massage is mine, no tax deducted, and I could live in the hotel dorms for $180 a month until I can get an apartment of my own. I said I like staying in any job for at least a year.
And if I get the job, my work might be cut very very short. Today Kathryn is going in for a Biopsy of some suspicious cells her doctor noticed at her last checkup. If it turns out to be Cancer, I will be getting my ass there as soon as I can. But in order to do that legally and not as a useless jobless mooch, I need to write the National Board exam, which could take until middle of October, then apply for jobs, which could take forever to hear back from anyone, and THEN 2 months to to get the work visa set up.
The plan up to now, and still is the plan pending the test results, is for her to move here because I have a job that can support us, and then we'll have time to live together and get used to each other until actually getting married, then we can live on either side of the border and work.
If she does have cancer, she is in better hands in Iowa than in the Maritimes. Sure Canadians boast about free health care, but but at the waiting times are horrible. Any medical requirments would be handled much faster in the states. All this worrying is making me sick, and being 2000 miles away and useless is only making things worse. I don't want to lose her.

Just as I'm getting into the idea of working in the States, I get a call from the Fairmont Algonquin hotel nearby saying they want to interview me for a spa position. I never thought I would be annoyed when things start going right.

I guess I'm ready for my next adventure, but the one I have in mind is going to be the most difficult thing ever. I'm trying to find a way to move from New Brunswick, as a Canadian, to the state of Iowa. I understand this may sound stupid as so many people are trying to get into Canada, and yes I know the Pros and Cons and the expenses and what not, but this place no longer feels like home. It feels like a cage, and finding a job in my field when I've got the same training as everyone else around here is difficult too. My school for Massage was more intensive that some of the most acclaimed massage schools in the states.

I understand I can't just pack up and move and get a job. I've done my research to the point where my head feels like it's going to split, and the fact that every time I go to the border they interrogate me about things like do I have a job in Canada, am I coming into the states to find work, am I going to be returning to Canada soon... Makes me feel like me and my money aren't wanted there.
I've been doing my research on places I could apply looked into Green Cards, work visas, sponsors, and expenses (Green Cards are getting harder to get for actual educated people but damned if they don't want to give them to every immigrant who snuck in the back door without having to go through the paperwork like I'm trying to do).

I guess I just want out really. To work, to be near the girl I love, to go back to Iowa where everyone I met was so friendly, the food so good (Mmm Corn)... Odd that Both times I've been there and flown back, the home sickness kicks in once I'm in my own bed again. I've got my parents blessing, and Kathryns parents love me. ~Sigh~ I just want to go back and not have a time limit on my stay.

So if anyone has been through the immigration to work process before, I would really like some information on such things, told by people who have or are going through with it. It's confusing and lonely doing this research and having nobody to answer questions.

Oooo 2009 movies look good too:

Comics:
The Avengers
Astro Boy
Teen Titans
Thor
Wonder Woman
The Witchblade


Other Familiar Names:
Castlevania
Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The
Fraggle Rock: The Movie (!!!!!!!!)
The Green Hornet (That old Radio and Pre-Batman Crime Fighting Rich Guy)
Halo
The Hobbit
The Jetsons
The Sims
Superman: The Man of Steel
Tekken
Terminator 4
The Three Stooges
Tintin
Toy Story 3

Old story, but I havn't told everyone yet.

A few weeks ago, my brother, my neice, her mother and the baby mamas sister were over. The little sister is only 14 years old, and sheltered by a cop and a teacher for parents. We were all sitting in the livingroom and a commercial for a computer powered vibrating tooth brush comes on and I said "Oh yeah. Like we can't brush our own teeth without needing to have the brush vibrate for us. Who wants to put a vibrator in their mouth!?"

Then it all went down hill for me.

The 14 year old pipes up "I have a vibrator" To which I look at her not sure what exactly she is talking about. I look at Dad and he's covering his face to hide his grin. Then she sais "It's Pink. Wanna see?!" Dad is writing on the chair trying not to burst out laughing, I'm looking around bithing my lip and my chest hurting from trying not to laugh. Steve, my brothers friend who was also in the room looks like his cheeks are about to burst and he sticks his ead around the corner and you can see his back shaking from laughter. Mom and Dana distract her while Dad and I, still holding it in sneak into the kitchen where we just break down into tears or laughter.

It might not sound funny to you, but hearing a 14 year old proclaiming innocently that she has a vibrator, a pink one, and she is willing to show it to me, even though I know it is a tooth brush. It's just funny.

So I was running around Gaia Towns and this little kid comes up to me and asks

gaaraa2: wait
gaaraa2: r u a girl
DarkonStratakus: Don't eat me. I do not taste like sushi
gaaraa2: wanna cyber with some friends
gaaraa2: do u
DarkonStratakus: Concider I have a girlfriend in the real world, no.
gaaraa2: fag

Reasons I'm going to be going bankrupt from the Movie Theaters in 2008

The A-Team
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Conan the Barbarian (Yes I know there was a comic for Conan too)
Ender's Game
Flash Gordon
Foreverman
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
The Battle Of Red Cliff
Halo
Knight Rider
Sin City 2 & 3
Star Trek
Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon
Voltron (!!!)
Warcraft (Though I've never played the games)
The Power of the Dark Crystal
Zenitram

Based on DC or Marvel Comics
Deadman
The Dark Knight
Ant-Man
Deathlok
The Flash
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
The Incredible Hulk
Iron Fist
Luke Cage (I put him under Iron Fist since they teamed up in the comics... I'm a nerd)
Iron Man
Nick Fury
Wolverine

Oh, and for the record, I don't really care if you think any of these movies are going to be crap. This is my list. MINE! ~Clings~

I ordered my Massage Table. It's so pimped out. Heheh

So once again I went to Toronto for an attempt to get on to a cruise ship. This time I was in luck, as one of the interviewers, and owner of the hiring company grew up in my home town, remembers me when I was 7 and once tried to teach my dad some dance moves (He's a very energetic gay man. The interviewer, not my dad) Which was a point for me. It wasn't as crowded in there as last time and I wasn't nervous at all. After the interview, I went for a 45 minute walk to find the CN tower, having nothing but the fact I could see it above all the other buildings. Even following the sight of it it still took me alot longer than I expected.

When I finally found it, I had to wait for 20 minutes before the observaiton deck opened. The option to go to the 360, a revolving resturaunt (http://www.cntower.ca/portal/GetPage.aspx?at=860) was too tempting and since I was already dressed in full a Buisness Suit, I decided to pretend I had as much money as I looked. So I took my bags to the top floor, which probably looked pretty weird, but who cares, for all they know I'm some millionaire playboy. I got a window seat. It was pretty much empty in there and got the menues. I must have had 7 people at least coming to wait on me. One to bring me to my table, one to give me the menues, one to fill my water, one to bring me bread rolls and butter, one to take my order of Escargot and Red Mushrooms in some garlic butter sauce and alfalfa ontop with 3 crackers with a weird veggie spread and 2 strips of crispy bacon... and that was the appitizer and it alone cost me $17, and then for the main course was Atlantic Salmon on 3 potatoes mashed up with horse raddish, a weird variety of steamed veggies under it, and more alfalfa ontop. That was $24. Small portions but still filled me up. Being a non-drinker, I only clanced at the wine menue... and the cheapest single glass of wine was $8.50, and the most expensive glass being $25. It was a different person who brought me the appitizer, a new person took away the empty plate, another person brought me the main course and laid my napkin in my lap for me, then yet another person came to ask if everything was alright. Another person refilled my water, another person brought me my bill. I completly lost track of faces. And it was like someone from every corner of the world worked there because not a single server shared the same racial origins. It was definatly an experience, but I wonder, if fancy dining costs that much, how the hell do rich people stay rich?!
Anyways, I flew home that night, pitch black the whole way so it wasn't much to see so I got a good read out of it. Slept the whole 2h30min ride home and then called in sick. Because the 45 minute walk to the tower caught me a cold.

I find out the results of my interview next Thursday. I probably won't be able to leave for the cruise until sometime in July, but they'll have a spot for me once I'm hired on for whenever in the next 6 months I want to go to the cruise. $400 a day, full staff privs, no taxes, no rent or food charges... Monnnneeeeeeeeey.

Planning for the future is hard. I need a a lot of information that sort of stuff and don't know where to find reliable information or advise. Websites would help actually chatting with me and answering my questions would be even better because I know nothing about how the governments do things with it comes to jobs in different countries.

1) How the hell do I get a Green Card that is good for more than a year?
- Where do I go to apply?
-How much time does something like that take to get processed?
- Is Massage Therapy on that "Select List" of jobs?

2) What kind of stuff is required for an American citizen to work in Canada?
- How is it different from a Canadian trying to get a job in the States?

Please I need help with this. I am completly inept when it comes to this stuff but I need to know. I'm desperate for help.