Last Updated: 3 October 2009
Alone in a corner
back to the wall.
Watching people
Set up pit falls.
Up above
on ledges so safe,
angels – my friends –
watching over me.
Recently,
one of them descended
to stand by my side
to love me and help me
through this labyrinth called Life.
Written 2009/05/17
Worlds away
As twilight ascend,
and twin suns descend;
familiar stars appear…
Xion and Reya,
Miran and Kleia;
constellations all held dear.
The moon of Lirroff,
reflect pale-blue soft
in the river at my feet…
Silently watching
the launch from afar,
counting thousands of
battleships speeding away.
Hoping for the enemies’ swift
defeat,
praying for another
day…
sitting here,
staring at my screen
watching people walking by
thinking weird thoughts,
ignoring the emptiness inside.
smiling
a (fake) smile
just doing my job
trying to make sense of it all
thinking
WHY
why now, why me
why any of this
why do we (I) go on with the struggle
why do we (I) try so hard
why do we (I) keep going on
is there a reward at the end?
(no)
is there something special
waiting around the bend?
(maybe / no)
why can't we try harder
to make it work a little better
why can't we be open and honest
with each other.
because if only one is open,
and the other not,
it cannot work
because if only one tries,
and the other not,
it will not work
because if only one gives all,
and the other not,
it is not possible to work
why do some give up so quickly
(easily)
why do some not give their all
(half)
why do some not forgive and forget
Written 2007-07-12
Lost
deep in thought
I sit and ponder
about mysteries yet unsolved...
Searching through the unknown,
Dreaming of the unseen…
I suddenly myself
Thinking of you.
You
Have unseen slipped
into the deepest crevice
of my heart
You
Who knows me
better than any
other
You
Who helps me
through the darkest
of ordeals
You
Which have become
such an intricate part
of my soul
You
That has opened
my eyes and mind
to the wonders of
Life!
Written 12/09/2006 15:11
For my Knight, (you know who you are...)
I have no heart,
all is frozen
inside, at best...
I suddenly feel
a sharp prick in my
hollow chest...
Instantaniousl
y,
I fold over double.
The pain
hurting, but also, not...
What is happening
to me?
Things inside
changing
a small sensation,
i think they call it, hot?
Riiiippppp....
it goes inside,
I fall over with pain.
But,
also I smile?
What is this that I gain?
My forefinger and thumb,
shyly, reaches for my wrist.
What is this?
A pulse?!
Yes!
Though it be,
small and faint,
against all odds,
you regenerated my
heart!
~ 2006-05-23
My mind wanders
through
emptiness,
time and space...
I look around
curious,
don't know,
this place...
why is my mind
a labyrinth,
full of cobwebs,
dusty shelves...
Demons haunt this
forsakenness,
playing tricks
helping on forgetfulness...
I wander through
dark corridors,
seeing,
memoirs of long ago...
what is this place.
where am i?
does anyone know?
lost i wander
darkness, envelops me.
i become part of the emptiness...
~ 15/05/2006 13:00
I found a diamond
In a sea of zirconias.
I want to tear apart and
murder in a torturous way
all those that have cause
thee harm…
I want to keep you safe
and protect you,
let no harm come to you
I just want to make you
happy
for eternity to come
But, still you can’t say
“I love you”
New
As day breaks
over a cold barren land
warming the landscape,
Life begins to stir
Hope returns
once more.
As each ray
brightens the day,
Evil disappears
Demons dissolve…
A new day has begun
bringing new hopes,
dreams…
A crisp,
new
chapter of everyday life.
~ 31/12/2005 02:49 am
Depression
Darkness surrounds me.
Darkness binds me.
Darkness smothers
all senses of kind…
Sorrow fills me.
Sorrow stills me.
Sorrow smothers
pure thoughts in my mind…
Depression surrounds,
depression blinds,
depression numbs,
depression binds.
Depression makes sure
no light i can find.
~ 31/01/2006 13:51
Death
Seemingly sweet
It beckons me…
Light plays tricks
on the blades I see.
Purringly soft
it coos to me:
“Overrated,
Life seems to be…”
With wisdom
beyond age,
smiling sadly,
I look it in the eye.
“Life is precious,
only the dead knows why.”
…and those
that had
a loved one die…
~ Friday, 13 January 2006 14:00
All the lies
I had to tell…
All the souls
I had to sell…
It’s haunting me.
Chasing me.
Gnawing my insides.
I cannot run
from the demons inside…
I’ve got so much to hide.
~ 17/01/2006 13:40
Memories
Why won’t you
leave me alone?
Your memory
haunts me…
Why did you
have to go?
The memory
haunts me…
Why couldn’t you
resist the demons inside?
The memory
hurts me…
Why did you
let the blade through your arteries slide?
I won’t ever forget you!
I won’t ever forgive you!
~ 17/01/2006 13:44
My 2 Valentine Contest entries for the Mainstreet contest (2006):
Lover
my Lover,
my Muse
my Concubine,
my Knight in shining armor.
all this You are to me,
though it still does not
encompass all You are…
my Dream,
my Reality,
my Poison,
my Elixir.
still only words,
mere fragments.
it doesn’t describe
what You mean to me by far…
Leaving Your side,
each time is like being cast
back
into the dark cold deep Sea.
Without one
single
line of hope,
or glimmering ray
of light…
Love at First Sight
As a beautiful dream
it seemed
two strangers
locking eyes.
Over the vast space
that lay between them,
their spirits locked,
souls entwined.
Slowly,
fighting their way
through the crowd
they closed the gap.
After an eternity
they locked hands,
never blinking
an unspoken conversation
between kindred hearts
took place.
alone in a crowd
cold in the middle of summer
invisible in the spotlight...
that is who i am...
It only took one
second
One ignorant
line.
Uttered oblivious of the
wreckage and carnage
it left behind.
That person lives freely
without
The knowledge of the hurt
and pain he caused
with one single line...
I'm raw inside
bleeding from a million and one
tiny wounds.
While the knowledge:
that he doesn't know the hurt he caused me,
is like rubbing salt and vinegar into the
wounds...
~ 2005-11-28 11:05:27
Written: 2005-11-28 11:00:17
Today I know
how the undead must feel.
Neither alive,
nor dead.
Neither feeling
nor numb.
But just moving onward,
not drivin' by anything.
Not Caring.
Not Feeling
Not Living
Not Anything...
Just moving forward...
Written: 2005-11-22 12:36:38
As I sit here and put on a mask for the world outside,
I crumble to pieces and bleed inside...
A thousand or more
stings
pierce through my heart
My insides ache
no cure for this pain...
Different
As I sit here
and watch
the World
go by...
I see
their faces,
change
as seconds die.
Single
muscle spasms
as thoughts
drift by...
Then,
an exceptional few
seemingly without
reality...
Ghosts
are they,
known by few -
stricken with morbidity.
Harsh
the World
has treated them -
cast down,
stepped over,
and
Forgotten!
What did you see?
You watched mankind stroll on the cratered moon,
the first test-tube baby lickin' her spoon.
You saw clouds on Venus, mountains on Mars,
Jupiter, saturn, beyond to the stars.
Tell me please,
What did you see?
You saw pros hustlin' johns right in the street,
dummies snortin' coke cause they think it is neat.
Old ones being mugged, pretty ones get raped,
dreams twisted, lives warped, destinies not shaped.
Tell me please,
What did you see?
Hundreds fulfilling a suicide pact,
a girl stabbed to death, cause no-one will act.
Racial violence prevails in school halls,
a madman Moslem grabs us by the balls.
Tell me please,
What DID you see?!
The Stallion
He stood there, chained to wall and rack
with trebled steel.
‘For God's own sake',
the scared groom croaked to me, ‘ stand back!
You never know – the chains might break!
Within the dim light of the stall
I saw the wild eyes red with hate
and marked the deep-set halter gal
that told of a ceaseless strife
with fate.
He heard a strange foot on the floor,
a strange noise in the shadows sound,
and strained his fetters with a roar
that shook the shed from
roof to ground.
The foam upon his lips was white,
his bitten breast was flecked with cream,
he screamed – a soul in piteous plight –
hate, fear and anguish
in the scream.
Why keep him tortured, chained and mad,
and dungeoned from the daylight's gold?
‘His blood's the best we ever had,
and all his stock are
sound and bold.'
Maybe – I crossed the sunlit lanes,
and only saw with eyes a-brim ,
the torn brown breast, the trebled chains,
the broken heart;
and wept for him.
Vampirism.
Darkness creeps in
Poisoning your mind.
Slowly tainting,
Senses of all kinds.
This Dark Intruder
Gifts brings
Titanic in size-
Murderous things.
Blessed it may seem
To live life
So long and
Extreme…
To see in the dark,
Fly over rooftops,
Read minds,
like a shadow stalk…
It makes you
A Dark God
Ruler of Night
Feared forever…
But
With it comes a price -
You give up the sun
Live in disgrace…
Sometimes
It's your choice
Mostly not.
For other gods
May want you to join
Their unholy realm.
Lost Lover
The promise of our love is sweet,
My soul beckons for yours to come,
To join us both in unison.
For eternity to come…
Your scent and essence fills me whole
with you next to me
I could conquer worlds!
To have you by my side would be bliss
I'd blow up the world
for one single kiss!
If only we could live forever free
free of all obstacles
together for eternity
But someday,
we'll find a way…
This pain, torture cannot last.
Destiny will see to that!
Patience
is all she asks.
Time will give answers
soon, very soon…
Night Visitor
Last night
you came to me.
Visited me in
spiritual form.
We embraced
passionately
holding...
caressing…
Too soon
this heaven
ended.
I woke up
wanting to cry.
Why
must I
only
have this through dreams?
Why
can't it be,
won't it be,
reality?
I now know why.
I would do
anything
to make it so.
But I need
the confirmation
from this lover
that he wants it
too!
Pain
It saddens me to see
you suffer
to know your pain
for it's also in me.
I cry tears
And scream at the stars
I tear at my skin,
I rage till I can no more…
Then the stars
only wink
And say, wait….
Be patient.
WHY?
Why
this pain
sadness
darkness?
Why
this aphrodite
held
just beyond reach?
Why
this suffering
which also
is heavening?
Why
am I
are you
so helplessly entwined?
My burden
I look out into the night and see
a Ghost staring back.
Softly she smiles at me,
a twinkle in her eye
I marvel at this girl.
Who is she?
What is she?
Why is she looking so sad at me?
Now,
a few years later…
I understand.
She knew my future, my
burden I would carry
She pitied me.
She tried to change Fate.
Tried to save my soul, my destiny.
She failed.
I know who she was.
I know what she was
I know why she looked so sad at me.
My soul belongs
to the devil now.
She was Me.
LOVER
A spell I've spun
Summoning you
Controlling your soul
In fragile threads.
You're not aware
Of danger everywhere
You'll kill with a whisper
From your mistress.
Though powerful I am
So strong and gentle you are.
I long for you
My admirer, devotee and fan.
Oh, if my head could
Rest in your protective hands.
My body would
Rest eternally
While days blow away like sands.
My soul burns for you.
My Sin
I Lust for your touch.
If only you would say I'll do.
Rescue me from my situation
Be my devotion
Eternally
Until all time runs out…
BROKEN
Broken
is my body
can no-one
see?
My spirit
is lacking…
Wanting to be
free.
My one true
love
has discarded
me.
What have I done
to deserve
this misery?
Finally, I
Unlocked
the secret
of my soul
Now
I cannot
fulfil this
wish…
Dark Prince,
why?
Bring this pain
to me?
My spirit
hurts so
bad,
my body suffering…
Stop denying
it to
yourself!
Free
us both
from
insanity!
Don't care
what people
say.
Listen to your heart.
HELP ME
Oh, what sanity have I left?
My secrets you now know
My heart you have theft.
What should I do, where shall I go
Only you know the answer to
The trivial question of
To Love or not?
Where shall I go, what shall I do?
For fuck's sake!
Wake! Wake!
It's slipping through your
Elegant fingers.
Catch it now!
Or it shall forever be too late!
Come to me,
Take me away!
Call it kidnap,
Jealousy
Or any thing else!
Just get an excuse to sweep me away!
How long must I wait
For you to wake
For you to stand up to your
Heart and listen to it.
Please,
I beg of you!
Release us both from this misery!
What will you do?
Suicide
Smiling,
the blade shines at me.
Winking,
Saying: try me!
I reach out
Grab the knife.
Feel the soft, cold metal
Against my delicate skin.
Oh what beauty lies
In this artefact!
What bliss
Lies on the other side?
Only one way to find out.
Once I've almost came close.
Now no-one shall stop me!
Nobody try to be the hero!
What bliss might be
Not to have any sorrows,
Even misery?
To be free, one spirit soaring.
If a ‘hero'
Might stray on to the
Scene of my misery,
I shall quickly deal with him!
Set me free...
images burnt forever on my mind…
the whole world,
so unkind.
picking on my kind.
i cannot take this no more!
oh, god
forsake me never more
free this mortal, trapped inside!
why?
why me, now
today, this hour.
save me! i cry…
will this torture never end?
go on and on,
no hope around
the bend?
free me!
i beg of thee.
open your eyes
and see…
it's not my place
to tell you
how
nor why.
just follow thy heart
i plead of thee…
set me free.
Set me free…
If only...
What have I done?
To deserve this
Curse?
Like dying in the sun
What pain
Anguish and misery
What shall
Become of me?
If only you
Will open to me
See what you
Miss in me…
If you would only
Take the first step
Grab the
Opportunity!
Alone I sit.
Thinking
Just staring
into empty space....
Wondering
Pondering.
Looking around -
What is this place?
Why are we here?
With this
hidden
knowledge inside?
Why must we search,
wonder
and then
only falter?
For we are
Human
and faults
we have...
Please come back soon!
Stumble!