2011-05-19 [Linderel]: Indeed.

2011-05-19 [hanhepi]: do they still call it a "beard" if it's a lesbian hiding she's gay by dating a guy?

2011-05-19 [kians mummy]: i call myself lesbian so guys don't come to me and ask for stuff

2011-05-19 [iippo]: FAIL in logic! That'll make guys come to you more. :P

2011-05-19 [Avaz]: Yes they do, hep.

2011-05-19 [kians mummy]: though actually don't, i have about 4 guy mates on here

2011-05-19 [hanhepi]: they might not approach you more, but they wank off thinking about it more. "married" seems to be a good deterrent here though. (doesn't work at a bar though, the ring just tells them you aren't looking for anything more than a one night stand.XD)

2011-05-20 [Paul Doyle]: The road to fake lesbianism/whatever leads directly to Elfpack :P

2011-05-20 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: pseudo lesbianism is bloody annoying. Seriously. My sister is a lemon and she attracts a lot of attention. She is a pain in the ass. And an old git now, at 32 :P

2011-05-20 [hanhepi]: *cough* 32 ain't that old... >.>

2011-05-21 [Sagacious Turkey]: /co/'s Buttman Comic

2011-05-21 [Paul Doyle]: Fun <poll:77323> regarding the recent ET drama. :P

2011-05-21 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: Jeez, you spammer ;)

2011-05-23 [perfumed ignition]: I haven't really seen any drama anywhere. I must not be hanging out in the right places.

2011-05-23 [iippo]: Same here.

2011-05-23 [Akayume]: Lucky you guys. >.>

2011-05-23 [Viking]: If you missed the drama, you're hanging out in the right places =)

2011-05-23 [Linderel]: You have been spared the headache.

2011-05-23 [perfumed ignition]: I guess you have a point there. ;)

2011-05-23 [Sunrose]: :D

2011-05-23 [Viking]: The return of pollspam!
<poll:77327>

2011-05-23 [PiRo420]: Love life and all it throws at you. Its many tests and trials make you who you are, and you would not be you without them. Life is too short to not live it. In the words of Miss Frizzle (from the magic school bus)"Take chances, make mistakes, get messy."

2011-05-23 [Mortified Penguin]: I knew I should've stayed home today.

2011-05-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Go fan, watch, and comment at Bob's Diner now.

2011-05-25 [Mortified Penguin]: DO IT. DO IT OR I'LL EAT THIS DONUT. *holds up a bagel*

2011-05-26 [Big Ste]: *snatches it off of mort and eats it hole*

2011-05-26 [kians mummy]: i was going to do that *crys in a corner

2011-05-27 [Thunder Cid]: Cid's Booksale Extravaganza. Go buy enjoy! Elftown will get 10% of all sales!

2011-05-28 [perfumed ignition]: Sounds good, but my bookshelf is a little full and my bank account is a little empty at the moment. :(

2011-05-28 [perfumed ignition]: Or should that be a lot full and a lot empty? I don't think it matters with an absolute adjective. Either way, I have to pass on the opportunity.

2011-05-30 [kians mummy]: http://epicroleplayersatelftown.webs.com/

2011-05-30 [zmak12]: hello ladys

2011-05-30 [zmak12]: hello

2011-05-31 [Nioniel]: Please check out Healthy Living and contribute in useful ways if you can. :) Thank you.

2011-06-03 [Enchanted^]: ...

2011-06-03 [Linderel]: Ellipsis to you, too.

2011-06-04 [Paul Doyle]: My ellipsis is bigger than your ellipsis!

...

2011-06-04 [ally]:

...

2011-06-04 [Viking]:

•••

2011-06-04 [ally]: Proving you have big balls?

2011-06-04 [Viking]: No, just experimenting to see if I could make a bigger ellipsis.

2011-06-04 [hanhepi]: making them bigger i understand how to do, but how on earth did you make them rounder?

2011-06-04 [Triola]: He cheated and used a different symbol, so it's not really a proper ellipsis at all!

2011-06-04 [Viking]: But in some fonts the earlier ellipses are just as round as the ones I did. =P

2011-06-04 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: I have pig balls. I wear them higher up though. But they are definitely pig balls.

2011-06-04 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: Opps..thought that said 'Pig' >>

2011-06-04 [Avaz]: [hanhepi], the answer is simple. [Viking] hax.

2011-06-05 [Paul Doyle]: Ha ha! I have wild and crazy big square balls that go from green to blue when you click them! :PPPP

[...............?]

2011-06-05 [Linderel]: I have opened Portfolio Contest for another round. Come sign up! :)

2011-06-06 [Lazy lion]: ::::::!!!!!!'mmytrd lol :)

2011-06-06 [Mortified Penguin]: I will cut you in the FACE!

2011-06-07 [Paul Doyle]: I must break you.

2011-06-07 [Mortified Penguin]: Calm down, Drago! The match hasn't even started yet.

2011-06-07 [Viking]: You're supposed to say things like that before the match. Especially when you opponent has to stand on a box to be in the shot with you.

2011-06-07 [Paul Doyle]: And don't forget having someone dressed up as James Brown (since the real JB now rides the Heavenly Soul Train), singing "Living in America."

"And all the people say HEHH-hiiiiIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

2011-06-07 [Lazy lion]: I'll cut your face mort!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-08 [omarion]: hello

2011-06-08 [Akayume]: *poof*

2011-06-08 [Avaz]: *unpoofs [Akayume]*

2011-06-08 [Viking]: What, exactly, is an unpoofing?

2011-06-08 [Avaz]: Ask [Akayume]. She did it; I only undid it.

2011-06-08 [Paul Doyle]: Someone let loose an online euphemistic fart.

2011-06-08 [Paul Doyle]: After all, women do not fart . . . they pass gas, toot or poof.

2011-06-08 [hanhepi]: i fart all the time. :/ i think it's my high fiber diet though. i mean, no, wait, the dog farts all the time. yeah, yeah, that's it. >.>

2011-06-08 [Nioniel]: Stop feeding your dog so much fiber. :P

2011-06-08 [hanhepi]: yeah, my dog needs way less fiber.

2011-06-08 [Avaz]: Your dog. Is that what they're calling it these days? :P

2011-06-08 [hanhepi]: people have been blaming their farts on their dogs for centuries.

2011-06-08 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: Haha, I did that the other day actually. It was only a small one, but a bloody amusing sound all the same. I blamed it on my dog too.

2011-06-09 [Avaz]: In my years of experience, I've never heard a dog fart; only smelled them. Silent but violent, indeed.

2011-06-09 [Lazy lion]: It's silent but deadly!

2011-06-09 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: You've never heard a dog fart??
You want to hear my dog. She does not do it often, but when she does, she looks up and round like: 'whazzat'

2011-06-09 [Avaz]: [Lazy lion]: Except "silent but deadly" doesn't rhyme. >_> [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: Nope, I never have, and I think I'll pass with your dog, but thanks. :D

2011-06-09 [Lazy lion]: Point proven!

2011-06-09 [hanhepi]: my dog's summer diet has a lot of lizards in it, so her summer farts are rather loud and smelly. the Carolina anole will make you gassy apparently.

2011-06-09 [Akayume]: But it's so cute! :( Poor lizard...

2011-06-12 [Paul Doyle]: support the guards --- the real page :P

2011-06-12 [9jlriexqk,ktpk]: Are you following me Paul Doyle. Because I think you are.

2011-06-12 [Paul Doyle]: woohoooohahahaha! I'm channeling J. Edgar Hoover, mind you. I'm resisting Hoover's urge to dress like a woman, but other than that Hoover's will is crushing my resolve like the apparition of a long-dead Sith Lord.

2011-06-12 [Paul Doyle]: :PPPP

2011-06-13 [Mortified Penguin]: But you would look so pretty in a dress.

2011-06-13 [Avaz]: I think Paul, you may need to work on that Evil Laugh® a little bit. It doesn't hit that evil mark quite right. :P

2011-06-13 [Paul Doyle]: *looks in mirror* come to think of it, I may well look good in a dress, though my hips are very male-hippy and I don't have man-boobs. And oh, there's the mustache, hairy chest and Adam's Apple red-flagging the entire scheme from the get-go. My ass and legs pass muster, if nothing else.

2011-06-13 [Paul Doyle]: [Avaz] I don't know how to be evil, of course. ;-)

2011-06-13 [Avaz]: Well, that explains it. :P

2011-06-13 [Nioniel]: Photography for the Birds
New photo contest! :D

2011-06-13 [Paul Doyle]: For some reason I initially read that as Photography is for the Birds :P (possible by attaching a tiny camera to a parrot or a duck, and then having the said camera auto-snapping?)

2011-06-16 [kians mummy]: Meine Mutter mag es auf den Schnorrer

2011-06-16 [Mortified Penguin]: Von neunundneunzig Luftballons? *isst ramen*

2011-06-16 [kians mummy]: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm reman

2011-06-16 [windowframe]: Your mom likes it on the scrounger? But does the scrounger like it on your mom? (Wrong sort of 'bum', Sammie :P)

2011-06-16 [Paul Doyle]: 99 dead baboons, sitting in my living room . . .

2011-06-21 [Cillamoon]: 99 Dead baboons, take one down...forget passing it around, 98 Dead baboons in the living room!

2011-06-22 [Paul Doyle]: I was thinking of a Nena parody ;-)

2011-06-22 [kians mummy]: [windowframe] lol, i keep getting mixed up lol :)

2011-06-24 [Paul Doyle]: *drives up and rolls down the window*
Pardon me . . . would anyone have any Grey Poupon?

2011-06-24 [Viking]: But of course!

*drives off*

2011-06-24 [Avaz]: *calls after [Viking], "You forgot to give him some!"*

2011-06-24 [Paul Doyle]: I have a coupon for Poupon . . . oh, bugger me. *powers up forward phaser batteries on souped-up AMC Gremlin*

2011-06-24 [Avaz]: *revs the engine of his Yugo, trying to get in a drag race*

2011-06-25 [Viking]: *didn't forget*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmannAYiwh0

*downshifts the M3 and hits the gas*

2011-06-25 [Avaz]: Pshh, show off. :P

2011-06-25 [Viking]: XD

Though I don't have the M3 anymore. I kind of miss it this time o' year.

2011-06-25 [Avaz]: *belatedly, his engine falls out from the revving*

2011-06-25 [Paul Doyle]: *accidentally hit the auto-self destruct/eject button*

*soars about sitting in parachute chair, though there are anthrodragon wings available*

"But my coupon . . . for Grey Poupon? Not the store brand version, dammit!"

*shakes fist, flapping wings now*

2011-06-27 [Top_Hatter]: *flies overhead in rocket-boots before alighting* ...um, here! *tosses jar* ...it's my last jar :/ *adjusts steampunk goggles and takes off again*

2011-06-27 [Paul Doyle]: Coupon for Poupon! Will you not accept the Poupon-coupon?

2011-06-27 [Top_Hatter]: *yells from the sky* No worries! I know people!

2011-06-27 [Avaz]: I poop on the Poupon-coupon! :O

2011-06-27 [Paul Doyle]: This makes me wonder what's REALLY in Grey Poupon, besides white wine and salt and mustard seeds . . .

*flings pooped-on Poupon-coupon at [Avaz]*

2011-06-27 [Avaz]: Eww >_<!

2011-06-28 [Lord Josmar]: *Walks in*

Whoops, thought this was a diner. Oh well, everyone should come on over to The Elftown XBL Directory. Kthxbye.

*Walks out, dodging the poupon-coupon piles*

2011-06-28 [Mortified Penguin]: <poll:77347>

2011-06-28 [kians mummy]: member helpers, please join, also looking for volunteers

2011-06-28 [Paul Doyle]: Heh heh, she said "member". *flings a pooped-on Poupon coupon at Sammie*

2011-06-29 [Thunder Cid]: Member can mean penis *snort*

2011-06-29 [Avaz]: *chortlesnort* XD

2011-06-29 [Akayume]: And penises need help. Always.

2011-06-29 [Avaz]: Yes, preferably from mouths and vaginas.

2011-06-29 [Mortified Penguin]: Or herpes medication.

2011-06-29 [Avaz]: Usually the latter because of the former. *nods sagely*

2011-07-07 [kians mummy]: Sammie's Restaurant

2011-07-07 [Lord Josmar]: Support our Council banner contest come vote if you haven't already.

2011-07-12 [miss.princess]: who has skype

2011-07-12 [_BrunetteBabe_]: hi .

2011-07-12 [Lord Josmar]: A lot of people have Skype, but I don't know there names right now.

2011-07-13 [sexjane]: can you dig it?

2011-07-28 [nonexistant1234 567]: Can someone please tell me how to delete my account or at least make it not easily found in a basic google search

2011-07-28 [Chimes]: You can't delete your account but you can change your username to a random combination of letters and delete all of your information. :)

2011-07-28 [nonexistant1234 567]: what kind of ridiculous webite can you not delete your account off of? AGH.

2011-07-28 [nonexistant1234 567]: Fine. I'll just be an asshole until a moderator deletes me. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

2011-07-28 [nonexistant1234 567]: Hey nerd kids. Do you guys know you will never have friends? Or sex? Which is too bad because sex is nice.

2011-07-28 [Mortified Penguin]: If you want to get banned, go to a place like Bob's Diner. Most people who comment there get banned.

2011-07-28 [Chimes]: If you don't want to keep your account simply change the password to something you won't remember - a random string of numbers and letters perhaps. That would be akin to deleting your account.

2011-07-28 [Lord Josmar]: I'm going to have to stop commenting at Bob's Diner then so I won't get banned. Probably gonna have to unfan it too just to be safe.

2011-07-28 [Mortified Penguin]: Or, preferably, you could give me your password and I could change it so nobody would ever be able to find it.

2011-07-28 [Mortified Penguin]: Also, >:(

2011-07-28 [Paul Doyle]: Reaction to [nonexistant1234 567] :

2011-07-29 [Thunder Cid]: We need an addition to the troll leaderboard over here :D

2011-07-29 [Avaz]: Re [172543]: onoes, angst and drama! *shakes*

2011-07-29 [Paul Doyle]: And a link to a primordial Junk forum posting, too! :0

(brace yourselves for necroposting)

2011-08-01 [Avaz]: Arg, that was supposed to be the member number, not the forum post number. Bah, too lazy to go edit it now. Let the necroposting begin! :D

2011-08-03 [kians mummy]: Reports on the guards

2011-08-03 [Paul Doyle]: *head-desk*

2011-08-03 [Lord Josmar]: *Other's head-desk*

2011-08-03 [Viking]: Oh, the humanity…

2011-08-04 [kians mummy]: *head-desk again* what a bunch of losers

2011-08-04 [Avaz]: I call shenanigans... all of which are lulz-worthy.

2011-08-04 [kians mummy]: lol

2011-08-04 [Avaz]: I'm glad you find this amusing. :)

2011-08-04 [kians mummy]: I really really find this funny lol lol lol

2011-08-04 [kians mummy]: Sammie's Apology: please can you all read this, thanks. :)

2011-08-08 [Sigard The Faithless]: Bingo!

2011-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: B-3, I-27, N-35, G-51, O-71. Bingo, Bingo . . . does anyone here have Bingo? Check your cards and make sure you marked 'em right . . . give me a holler if you got bingo?

2011-08-08 [Jonh]: hi

2011-08-08 [Lord Josmar]: *Stands up holding a dog by the collar in the air*

Right here!

2011-08-08 [kians mummy]: Animal cruelty *scowls at you*

2011-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: That's your entry fee?

2011-08-08 [Lord Josmar]: Im not hurting the dog!

*Looks up at the dog as its face slowly turns blue.*

See. He is just a little cold.

*Puts scarf around him*

2011-08-08 [kians mummy]: *realizes you put it on to tight* "you cruel cruel man"

2011-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: Geese!

2011-08-08 [Lord Josmar]: *Honk*?

2011-08-08 [Thunder Cid]: *takes drink* Damn you Paul.

2011-08-08 [kians mummy]: stands behind the bar *that will be $2.25 please*

2011-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: Any nonalcoholic virtual Grey Goose vodka? I've no money, so I'll use Bingo the dog as collateral. *dog head tilt*

2011-08-08 [Mortified Penguin]: You missed one, Cid: et pet store.

2011-08-08 [kians mummy]: HMMMMMM ok *shrugs*

2011-08-08 [kians mummy]: ET pet store actually.

2011-08-08 [Mortified Penguin]: Yes, that link does look more correct than mine. Use it instead, Cid.

2011-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: Now, what to do about Bingo the dog? Is it against ordinances having a tail-wagging doggie trotting around amongst lots of alcohol glasses and bottles of Grey Goose and Wild Turkey and the rest? (and for Mort . . . the Australian award winning 2009 Little Penguin Merlot wine?)

2011-08-09 [Viking]: Ah, Wild Turkey. Now you're singing my song!

2011-08-09 [Paul Doyle]: Where the hell is Turkey, anyway?

2011-08-09 [Mortified Penguin]: Europe, I believe.

2011-08-09 [Viking]: It's mostly in Asia Minor, but partially in Europe, yes.

2011-08-09 [Paul Doyle]: Not be confused with Turkestan or [Sagacious Turkey] , anyway.

2011-08-09 [Paul Doyle]: Don't look now, but the little dog named Bingo is humping the bartender's (Sammie's?) leg.

2011-08-09 [Viking]: *points and laughs*

2011-08-12 [angelofwar]: hey

2011-08-12 [Avaz]: ..is for horses.

2011-08-12 [Mortified Penguin]: ...which are for the sloppy joes at Bob's Diner.

But only after they lose the race two or more times in a row. I'm not a monster, but there's only so much failure I can take before someone or something is going into a sloppy joe, dammit. Lazy horse bastards. *spits at an alpaca, which spits back and is promptly thrown into the sloppy joe machine*

2011-08-12 [Viking]: No, that's hay.

Hey is for Fat Alberts.

2011-08-12 [Avaz]: Oh, right. My bad.

Only if it's in triplicate.

2011-08-12 [Mortified Penguin]: Butter is also for Fat Alberts.

Not so much exercise and healthy living though.

2011-08-12 [EmoGothicDoll]: hola

2011-08-13 [Bradley Romero]: anyone want  to talk  i talk to u  just  messge me 

2011-08-13 [angelofwar]: i'm from tx :)

2011-08-15 [Jonh]: hi

2011-08-15 [Fruit Loops]: low

2011-08-15 [Paul Doyle]: Fat Albert?? where's Weird Harold and Mushmouth?

2011-08-24 [Avaz]: Is that the same as Smashmouth?

2011-08-31 [Paul Doyle]: Mushmouth was incomprehensible, like Kenny from "South Park" but not muffled.

2011-08-31 [Viking]: Nah, Mushmouth was pretty easy to understand.

2011-08-31 [Paul Doyle]: Oh yeah . . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMADJcimnds

2011-08-31 [kians mummy]: My Fiance cycled 23 miles there and back today in just a couple of hours, (due to up hill and down hill0 just to see his Grandma in hospital, he cycled from Buxton in Derbyshire to maccelsfield in Cheshire to show his family and Grandma how much he loves them and would do anything for them, he is now back home safe and sound, this ios the kind of guy that I want in my life, what ever Elftowners and the Crew think of him, about him never changing, that is there perogative, but I tell you this, you are wrong, :)

2011-08-31 [Fruit Loops]: Grandma what big teeth you have...

2011-08-31 [Lord Josmar]: Phftbtbtbtbbtbtbtbtbt!

2011-09-01 [Nioniel]: Birds Voting. So, ya'know, vote. :P

2011-09-01 [kians mummy]: Lol

2011-09-04 [chnewman]: hey im newww :)

2011-09-04 [Viking]: hello [chnewman].