Dani-isms
Dani-ism: When Dani does odd things that normal society would shun but gets away with it because... Well... She's Dani.
This is a page dedicated to quotes or conversations I've had with people. If you can think of any, by all means, post them.
"It's adorable and it sickens me."
"Perhaps in an alternate dimension, on another planet, we would be friends. Maybe then I could hear your heart aches, heal them and be useful."
"Oh baby.. It's been so long... So long since I've caressed your curved form... So long since I've felt your warm juices on my tongue... Your taste, your feel... Baby... Stay with me... Forever, my love. Forever.
Dani+Ramen cup= ♥"
"I just-... *sigh* I just want to be that friend that Tom Hiddleston calls at four in the morning, wondering if I'm still up and if I want to make smores. Please... Please I just.. I just want that."
"I've decided that anything with Tom Hiddleston in it is now considered porn. I am compelled to cover my computer screen when my mom enters my room if his face is on there."
"I think if I had super powers, I'd be an extremely useless super hero. I would want telekinesis (pretty sure is the ability to move things with ones mind) just so I can hold my shopping basket upside down and have my food stay in it. Also, I'd want to stand on the end of a shopping cart and drive around on it. People would be like "Dani!! There are people burning in that building!! You need to levitate them out!!" and I'd be like "I will, just as soon as I can get to the produce section. They are having a sale on kiwi.""
"Congratulatio
ns to Tom Felton and Tom Hiddleston. You've both are the only ones and are tied to be on the "The Only Men Dani Would Go Straight For" list."
"The only bad thing about Avengers is that now everyone wants to follow Loki and hate humans.
I hated humans before it was cool."
"No more highschool... *looks around* Hm.. I guess I'll just... Move this lamp.. over here."
"I see London
I see France
I'm staring at your butt."
"I want a wolf tail, curved around the ears dragon horns, and wolf ears. But one of them has to be flopped half way unless I'm attentive. Then it must perk up. All of which has to work in compliance with my emotions and/ or attention span."
Ryan: That's oddly specific.
"There is always time for french onion soup.
Bad day at work? French onion soup.
Middle of sex? French onion soup."
"I need to figure out how I'm rating how cuddly something is. Hannibal Lecter and Loki are ungodly snuggly."
"I am the sexiest man out there. Your brain just couldn't handle how amazing I am, so in order to cope with the fact that you'll never have a man as great as me, you've forced yourself into thinking that I am a woman."
"I prefer women.
90% of my crushes/ obsessions are fictional.
60% are Male.
30% are Female.
Out of the 10% that exist
7% are Female
3% are Male
Out of the females
2% are famous
2% live far away
2% are straight
.5% aren't interested
.5% are psycho.
Out of the males
2% are famous
1% Call me friend"
"*Is nomming on crunchy frenchfries*
Thoughts: "Hmm... Crunching on french fries... What else is crunchy?"
*crunchcrunchcrunch*
Thoughts: "Human skulls! Yaaay! I'm a cannibal!"
*crunchcrunchcrunch*
Thoughts: "What's in a human skull?"
*crunchcrunchcrunch*
Thoughts: "Brains! Yaay! I'm a-... zom...bie...."
*crunchcrunch...crunch........crunch....*
*whimper*"
"If I ever get married, I want part of my vows to be "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.""
"I'm Dani, and I'm also a woman. Thus making me the epitome of a brain fuck."
"My mind processes insignificant things in strange ways.. Example:
In the summer, I see 3 ceiling fans rotating. One is rotating normally, the other is rotating slower, and the last is rotating in the opposite direction.
Normal person: Wow I wish those would spin faster, it's pretty hot.
My mind: Wow. Those other ceiling fans are jerks. The first one has nothing against the world, so it's spinning normally. The second one feels as though the world is only using it and doesn't feel appreciated, so it rotates slower to spite us, while the third one is a non conformists and screams "ANARCHY!" so it rotates in the other direction."
"I don't like the letter "C" because I think it's a poser and stole "K" and "S"'s sounds."
"I just went on an entire rant about honey mustard vs regular mustard and how honey mustard is the only mustard for chicken and fish, and how mustard wants to be welcomed as a dipping sauce, but I'm like "No! You're mustard. You can't be delicious with these things. I won't allow it. But you can be delicious with a cheeseburger cause honey mustard isn't allowed."
My mom gave my the look of "Oh god I gave birth to this..""
"Is in one of those moods where nothing else matters but "Shamalamadingdong".... But seriously... Apathy towards everything but that."
"My mother and I just shared a mental conversation...
I just ate some chicken with honey mustard sauce. I wandered back into the kitchen for something to quench my thirst, when all of a sudden... A WILD SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE APPEARED! So I grabbed it and stared at my mom with the most excited, exaggerated face. She stared at me a moment, looked at the sauce, had the same excited face and pointed to the chicken, letting me nom face on one more piece. "
"It's the worst when you wana say something really romantic, and it ends up coming out stupid. Example:
What you wana say: "Baby, the stars in the sky all shine because you smile..."
What you say: "Shiny things make me look at you..""
"Me: If any of my friends ever have kids, I'm warning you now. DO NOT, I cannot emphasize the importance of this, DO NOT ask my to babysit your child. You're sweet and innocent little Charlie or Abby will come back as a demonic Satan and Lucifer.
Ryan: Aunt Dani wouldn't do that to my kids...
Me: Ryan's kid: "auntie Dani, Auntie Dani! Its christmas eve! Santa is coming tonight!"
Dani: "Santa?" *chuckles softly and puts down newspaper, crossing legs in my plush robe and old throne like chair* "Oh my darling child. Did your father tell you that?"
Child: "well.. yeah. Daddy said that Santa comes by and gives you presents and we have to sleep or he'll disapppear!"
Dani: "you're father is so silly. It's not Santa that comes to your house! It's the Grim Reaper. He goes to every boys and girls house and makes them sign away their soul for insignificant toys. You've signed your death. Now go play with your cousin, I just bought him a new battle axe."
Ryan: I don't believe you
Me: Child: *goes home* "daddy? Auntie Dani said you lied.. she also told me to tell you to "make her a sammich, wifey" .."
Ryan: now that I believe that..."
"Your life is a great tasting sandwich...."
"I got an email telling me that I am eligible for free snuggle samples...
And for a moment...
I was so happy."
"What I meant to say:
“I don’t like it cause it’s sexual, I like it cause it’s art!”
What I said:
“I don’t like it cause it’s sexual, I like it cause it’s porn!”
I completely destroyed my own argument."
"I think Kovu from Lion King 2 should have been a girl and her and Kiara should have been lesbians."
"Being Batman isn't that hard. You just have to grasp the concept of being "The night". And also embracing the "my parent's are dead" factor. And colored spandex helps."
"I can't be the princess for you to save. It's not my style. So I'll be the prince instead."
"I really want to go to the penis restaurant in China because I want to have the perfect situation to say "Excuse me, there's a penis in my soup.""
"Dear Serial Killers,
Please stop being attractive.
sincerely,
Concerned for my own mentality."
"That disappointing moment when you're in England, sitting next to Tom Felton, making out with him, whilst being in a tuxedo and a top hat and he has an epicly curled mustache and goatee, then wake up to the sound of your alarm."
"It is completely astonishing that I can go from surprisingly intellectual, to sounding like a humpback whale having a seizure when I see puppies."
"Him: "That's a condom."
Me: "Your face is a condom."
Him: "Your mom is a condom."
Me: "Your life should have stayed in the condom.""
"I want odd things.. One of the odd things that I want is an odd relationship with a guy, where he crossdresses as a girl and I cross dress as guy and we walk around and do cute things according to our actual genders."
Ryan: Thats... Really adorable."
"Hun, I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
I went drinking with my boys and we were only getting started. I didn't black out, I mean, this time I had nothing to waste.
And I saw gurls in polka dot bikinis. And I thought they should take off that polka dot bikini. We drank all day, and played all night. We got this started. We were in Miami trick.
And one of them talked dirty to me and told me that I was a creep. I was a weirdo. What the hell was I doing there? I don't belong there.
So I told her "Girl you look good, why don't you back that ass up?"
And she was all ready, but I changed my mind, so she screamed "I've been denied all the best ultra sex!"
So me and my bros got in the car and they dropped me off here. And then I tried crawling in my bed, but you were awake. So I tried telling you to bury your face in the pillow, but I feel that you're cold. I saw that you were heart less. So I started yelling back.
You're such a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty face
But you're turning into a pretty big waste of my time.
And then you ran out the door.
You didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number. My boys keep telling me I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I use to know.
I'm sorry Ayla Mae Andrade."
"Sometimes I feel like the only way I can communicate with people is by being wildly awkward.
Example: (Person A represents the masses, Person B represents my friends)
Person A: Do you know that movie Silence of the Lambs?
Person B: Omg yeah it was so scary...
Person A: Yeah, the cannibal guy was so freaky!
Person B: LOL I know!
Me: *pops in out of no where* He wasn't freaky... Dr. Lecter was an ingenious man who found enjoyment in killing and eating people. There's nothing wrong with having a guilty pleasure... And he was really attractive in his own, psychological way.
Person A: .... You're really fucked up. Go die. *walks away*
Person B: .... Sometimes I wonder... And then I remember that you are Dani. *hug*"
"A boyfriend? You think I need a boyfriend? No. A girlfriend? I don't need a girlfriend either. Why? Because I have Cthulhu."
"Today I put on Victoria Secret Lotion. It was called Angel something or other. I expected it to smell like cheap perfume, fruit, or whore sex, but no... No, this lotion was most peculiar. It smelled like the word "Lotion.""
"Those days where you look at your bed and say "Hey you. Open up." And your bed warps into an rip in the space time continuum, so you hop in and zip the ends close and just float there a while and pray people forget you exist.
Yeah... That day is today."
"Mom: She has a poster of two girls. I don't want people coming into her room and seeing it. Why does she have to advertise that she likes girls?
Me: And yet you let Alex put pictures of play boy bunnies up..
Mom: That's different."
"I'm going to have a short life, but when Death comes for me, I'm going to sit down and be like "Nope." And he's guna be like "Haha, very funny. But really, we have to go." And I'll say "Nope." And he'll say "Seriously Dani, we HAVE to go." "Nope.""
"You weren't able to look me in the eyes when you lied to me.
I was able to look you in the eyes when I ripped out your esophagus."
"Oh no! It seems that I've totally forgot to give a fuck!"
"Letting Karma ruin their lives takes the fun away. Sometimes, Karma forgets about them, their lives are amazing and they never see the folly of their ways. Thus, it it my job to tear them all down in their prime."
"Dani-ism 1.) Gets a 10 question math test. Gets one answer wrong. Still gets 100% on test.
Dani-ism 2.) Dani can randomly go up to friends and hump them. Most friends question, then give up and take it like a man, or completely ignore the fact and continue with their conversation.
Dani-ism 3.) In the middle of class, Dani exclaims she wants food. Teach looks at her disapprovingly. Dani croons and looks adorable. Teach sighs and gives her food.
Dani-ism 4.) Dani makes her teachs kowtow to her. Which they do willingly.
Kowtow - to touch the forehead to the ground while kneeling, as an act of worship, reverence, apology, etc., especially in former Chinese custom.
Dani-ism 5.) Dani will completely emasculinatize all her male friends.. And they accept it proudly.
Dani-ism 6.) Dani walks into a room. Students and teachers stand in respect.
Dani-ism 7.) Friend: Makes a really corny immature joke with a five year old would make using the word "hot dog". Gets scolded by teacher.
Dani: "So then I bent him over and rammed it so far up his anus that it came out of his mouth."
No one says a word."
"My family celebrated Cinco de Miyo.
My gramma called to yell at us cause we're Dominican not mexican."
"I have claimed Mako in the name of Dani. His weird eyebrows and scarf is now mine."
"Evil has the voice of a spanish woman."
"Him: "If you think about hating humans and death so much, you should get a job that pertains to that. Like state executioner!"
Me: "yeah, but that would be boring, what with people liking to kill people humanely and all."
"Okay guys.. It's time to tell you the truth on who I am... *sigh* Prepare yourselves.
I am Satan, who is also Hitler, who is disguised as Batman, who is really Bruce Wayne, who's alter ego is a British man named Dr. Benjymin Charles Weston, who covers his tracks by being a 17 year old girl named Dani."
"You left me alone with the internet.
God only knows what happens when I'm alone with the internet."
"Whats terribly disappointing is that Loki shares my mindset, and yet, Tom Hiddleston (the man who plays him) is peace loving and human loving and wants to rid the world of all its bad... Damnit."
"I really want to have a nose bleed.
Is that weird?"
Me: Most of you bore me endlessly.
Him:Now tell me why is it mist if "us" bore you?
Me:Good question. I'm pretty sure most of you know the answer. And if you don't, then you definitely know the answer.
Him: Well seeing as I don't know you and you really don't know me, I'd say you judge everyone too quickely and Should give someone time before you decide wether they bore you or not. And besides I view myself has a lone wolf then rather part of the pack like most on here.
Me: Well then, seeing as I don't know you and you don't know me I'd say you have no right to judge me that I judge. I've talked to many a person on this site. They usually all begin conversations with "hay wana see my cock?". It's obnoxious and I don't care much for horny idiots who have nothing better to say. And this is where the "most of you" comes into play. Most of them do bore me, however, there are a few that do not. I always give a person the chance to peak my interest, though most of them fail. So go ahead "lone wolf". Interest me."
A package came in the mail that said "return to sender".
My mom's automatic reaction was "Omg it's a bomb, Dani don't open it it's a fucking bomb."
Me: "But it's mail, mom! I HAVE to open it!"
Mike: They often say either your fearless or just plain dumb... In your case you total mastery of death and the ownership of a seriously pimp top hat has rendered that line of thinking invalid.
Brb peeps. My mom is being mean and forcing me to have contact with the sun.
"I swear, I could solve any world dilemma if I put the brain power that I have in them, instead of the useless crap that I do."
"There is a species of cactus known as the "dildo cactus"... Huh."
"I just had my first "teenage girl dancing to rocking music" experience. Expect I was ballroom dancing. To The Cave by Mumford and Sons."
"Men I'd go straight for and why:
1.) Tom Hiddleston - Because not only is he a gorgeous, fantastic actor that can become the complete opposite of himself and do it perfectly, but he is a loving, brilliant soul who loves peace and the human race.
2.)Tom Felton - He was Draco. Need I say more?
3.) Anthony Hopkins - I do not care if he's 74. That man will forever be sexy."
"I love it when my jeans fake boners. Then I can make people believe I am a guy."
"I've come down with a case of TomHiddlestonjustcurledhismustacheitis. It's a terrible sickness. I'll be bedridden for weeks, only able to go on my computer and stare at him. I'll become delusional and every other sentence will be about him.
Then I'll scream about zombies and find comfort in his face."
"Dani acts feminine. Everyone gets confused."
"I really do need to figure out my own logic. Cannibalism is adorable, but zombies are scary... *sigh*"
"Did they ever explain how Clifford got so big? If they didn't, then I have my own radioactive mosquito theory."
"Damnit.
Damnit. Damnit. Goddamn.
Won't do it, I said.
I respect the Avengers too much, I said.
They're all too muscly and strong for this, I said.
I won't even attempt to look it up, I said...
I feel into the Avengeryaoi fandom. *sigh*"
"Samuel L. Jackson is actually really sweet and plays golf.... Damnit."
O-Oh. Oh god.. They left me here... They left me here alone.. All alone.. Alone with the internet... Oh god... Oh god there's an Avengers fan blog! OH GOD THERE ARE PICTURES!! AHHHHHH! ASG"OJHA"GL" ------------------------------
Status Report: Dani Diaz has locked herself in her room again. Chances of getting her out are at .2%...
"When talking about Chris Hemsworth, I accidentally say "Thor" first. When talking about Robert Downey Jr. I say "Tony". When talking about Mark Ruffalo, I say "Bruce" or "Banner" Or "Hulk". When talking about Tom Hiddleston I say "Loki" or "Tom". But when I talk about Captain America, I automatically say "Chris"."
"My grandparents just called me to say congratulations for graduating and sang me a song that they made up and practiced... In Spanish... I love my family."
"It has been decided by me that since Tom Hiddleston is skinny and 6'2", he will undoubtedly give the best tall guy hugs. The current holder of that title is Tom Ritchie."
"There really are better things to do with my life..."
"You know you're friends with Dani Diaz when her first sentence to you starts with "So I was watching this porno, right?"
"Brain: "So I said to her, "Sleep? But you have 5 appointments tomorrow! Just take a couple of 5 hour energies and read fanfiction all night!"
Brain, eyes, and ovaries: *sassy gay laugh*
What bothers me is that they do this in such a sassy gay voice too.
My organs are just so sassy
And gay
Me: I've come down with a case of TomHiddlestonjustcurledhismustacheitis.
Him: At least you've been cured of the yaoi.
Me: For the time being.
Him: NO, DANI
FOREVER
Me: I can't, Anthony... Yaoiitis will NEVER go away...
Him: at least look at futa or something. There are tits, so it's less gay
Me: I do... That and Yuri, but then yaoi is so... I don't know.
Me: And it's funny cause penises scare me
Me: I think it's just because I'm so manly that I find it cute.
Me: Which still doesn't make sense.
Me: Sadness... Hm. An odd emotion for this subject. Ivan!
Ivan: Yes sir?
Me: Proceed to inject the subject with the ABz74-13 test vial.
Ivan: Yes! Of course! The AB...z... uh...
Me: *sigh* The snuggle vial.
Ivan: RIGHT! *goes to fetch*
Someone wise once told me; A person can move on. A greater person can forget, and an even greater person can forgive. But a warrior, a warrior can forgive, forget and move on. Which one are you?
I replied; "None. For I need not to move on, forgive or forget in order to slaughter them all."
Damnit.
Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.
I thought I had done it. I thought I had went through 7 years of constant internet not seeing it. I thought Foamy and Germaine were just exaggerating to make a point about humans and their creepy fetishes.
But I seen it, I tell ya.
I seen it with my own two eyes.
Some chick is selling her used underwear.
And people are buying it.
I never thought my life could be
Anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see
A bit of good luck for me
'Cause I've got a sinner's ticket
I've got a sinners twinkle in my soul
I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly half of hell is mine
What an demonic thing
'Cause I've got a sinner's ticket
I've got a sinner's place smack dab in hell
I never thought I'd see the day
When I would face the underworld and say
Good evening, look at the flames
I never thought that I would be
Slap in the lap of an arch fiend
Cause you'd have said:
It couldn't be done
But it can be done
I never dreamed that I would dance
Over to Satan in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be
'Cause I've got a sinner's ticket
I've got a sinner's chance to make the devil my slave
And with this sinner's ticket it's a fucked up day!
'Cause you'd have said,
It couldn't be done
But it can be done
I never dreamed that I would dance
Over to Satan in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be
'Cause I've got a sinner's ticket
'Cause I've got a sinner's ticket
I've got a sinner's chance to make Hell my way
Cause with a sinner's ticket it's a fucked up day!
Alright everyone, this is to get it out of the way. I am surprised at how many people don't know of the common foods I dislike, so let me give you a list. If anyone can think of others that I didn't mention, please say so.
First, and most important,
1.) Bacon. Yes. I hate bacon. I like other parts of the pig, but I don't like bacon. If you've seen me eat it, it's because a.) it was in something else and I had no choice, or b.) I like the texture.
2.) Peanut butter. I do not usually eat it with anything other than apples.
3.) Jelly. Is ick.
4.) Fluff/marshmallows. I can only eat them in rise crispie treats, or on a smore if they are burned.
5.) PB&J sammiches/PB&Fluff. Ew.
6.) Bananas. I like things that have bananas in them (Banana shakes, banana bread, banana cream pie, ect.) Just not Bananas.
7.) Tomatoes. (See bananas)
8.) Lucky charms.
9.) Blueberries. (Technically) Because I'm allergic to them.
10.) Tea. I only drink Arizona ice tea (lemon of half and half) Because it's so doused in lemon and sugar that it no longer tastes like tea.
11.) Root beer. Dun know. Just gross.
Me: *reads/looks at something inappropriate*
Me: *starts giggling uncontrollably*
Me: *looks around room and is glad no one is there*
Me: *calms down and tries to read like an adult*
Meg: His voice is like liquid sex
Me: It really, really is. The kind of liquid sex you don't need to drink. You pour it into a cup and it evaporates and gets absorbed into your ears..
"
Not even bro! It's literally just... The sound of his voice is intoxicating! My face goes red and I start to smile and then I close my eyes and just picture him under me and... GAH! It's horrible! He does this on purpose D:"
"
His voice in itself literally drives me insane. Like.. FUCK!
Let's put it this way.
I hate it when people talk dirty to me. (Only talk, I like dirty writing because I can picture it in whatever voice I want)
But if he were to be like "Is this what you like...? Oh Dani, I never expected such a filthy side of you... You're such a little slut."
My ovaries would explode. Again. And again."
"Lukewarm" is such a gross word, especially when describing coffee.
*hears Tom Hiddleston moan*
My ovaries went boom.
Like Boom and the dissinigrated..
And then turned to ash.
And then vanished into dust.
That got blown away into the ocean.
Never to be seen again."
I'm officially an adult. I now get to do adult things! Like-... um... *looks around room* Uh... Read newspapers! And um... smoke from a hand carved pipe! And... Um... Drink scotch- nonono. Not yet. Uh... Hm. Adult things... Adult things... Fuck. Nevermind. Just give me my anime and let me fan girl.
The Person you are trying to reach has gone into cardiac arrest from a Tom Hiddleston overdose. Please Stand by.
I FIGURED IT OUT! It is all so almost clear to me! The reason I fall for the bad guy all the time!
It's because they are so charismatic and charming. And what else is charismatic and charming? GENTLEMEN! Specifically, gentlemen with mustaches. HAH! Yes. Logic.
I found the perfect remedy for forgetting your hatred for 30 minutes! This only works for people with bathtubs. If you don't have a bathtub, stay tuned and I'll find a non violent remedy for you.
Step 1.) Get some candles.
Step 2.) Go to the bathroom.
Step 3.) Kill the lights.
Step 4.) Get naked.
Step 5.) Fill your bathtub with the hottest water you can stand.
Step 6.) Lit those candles up.
Step 7.) Put them on different surfaces around you.
Step 8.) Get in the tub and lay the fuck down.
Step 9.) Turn the shower on the coldest temperature you can stand.
Step 10.) Enjoy the fuck out of yourself.
Who just got zero hours of sleep? This guy. This guy right here.
I am a Hiddlestoner.
So I am very angry at the fact that I perceive myself as this terrible, awful human being who rules over everyone with an iron fist like some Hitleresque tyrant, when actually I am a mostly peace loving, charismatic, compassionate individual who isn't bothered by things that should bother her. Damn you reality.
Reasons I want to go to England:
Women from England want me.
Free Museums.
Leather shop
Tom Felton
Jack the Ripper Tour
Windsor castle
Tom Hiddletson.
<hR>
Please, you are welcomed to count the numerous collection of fucks I don't give.
Me: Hentai is weird. Them with their two inch nipples.
Ryan: Eek.
Me: All I can think of is snake nipples.
Ryan: Read that as Snape's nipples...
Me: Lol Snape has two inch nipples..
Ryan: That would be creepy as shit.
Me: Seriously! Imagine going into potions class and seeing him putting on his shirt. They would just be wiggling there.
Ryan: Or just sticking straight out..
Me: omg yes.
*my friend sends me the link to Koko the gorilla reacting to the death of her kitten*
You know, I wasn't planning on feeling things today. I thought that I could go about today with apathy at my forefront, bracing the light with an iron, cold first. And now I'm blubbering like a fish in an oxygen tank.
Other friend: You're an evil man Alex. An evil, evil man...
Me: He really, really is. I can't be a horrible tyrant with these feels. Alex, rid me of these feels immediately. This I command.
I just realized that I am Buttercup. Anyone else remember the episode where she falls in love with Ace from the Ganggreen Gang? She fell in love with the bad guy.
Let me let you let that sink in.
Friend: Didn't your creator make you by mistake, too?
Me: Yup. Yup they did. I was also suppose to be a boy. But God was like "Hey Dani's dad! You wanted a boy so badly, so I'm going to give you something better! 3 perfect little girls! But I accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction... PMS."
french onion soup is delicious. Thus making happiness and smiles force themselves upon you.
It's like raping someone to rape you.
I suggest that everyone go out right now and buy themselves a bag of sesame bagel chips and enjoy the fuck out of them.
Unless of course, you're allergic to sesames... Or bagels.. Or chips. Then I retract my statement.
I was sitting in my room, and walked out cause I thought I heard my mom get home. As I proceeded to ask what was for dinner, I physically flinched and actually heard myself do a quick hiss as the light hit me. (completely unintentional) Then I come to find out that my mom is not home, but my dog is whining and it sounds just like her yelling.
Watched WarHorse with my favorite person, Ryan Hagg, fangirled over Tom Hiddleston, he dealt with me like a champ, then talked about Freudian psychology until he got picked up. I ♥ you ^^
*goes outside for five minutes*
I smell like despair and suck urinated on me.
Tom Hiddleston curled his mustache. I literally had trouble breathing.
I'm Nick. Because all of you listen to every fucking thing I say.
Alex is Hulk because he's adorable and nerdy, but the second you get him mad... May the Lord have mercy.
Mike is Black Widow cause he's the pretty one.
Ayla is Thor cause she's from a different planet. :D
Tom is Loki cause he's fucking tall as hell.
Steffie is Tony because who else is a genius playboy philanthropist? No one but Steff, that's who.
Ryan is Coulson because he's adorable and sweet and we all want to snuggle the fuck out of him. And Alex W is Captain because she's the leader of her class, is so American (Lol you're British :D) and looks great in spandex. :3
Perhaps this is insomnia induced paranoia talking, but I swear, at some point today, something is going to majorly suck because of my 0 hours of sleep.
The computer said to plug it in or find another power source. My immediate response was "Where's the tesseract."
Gotye has a huge mouth.
I hate the mouth area for some reason. It's gross to me.
I love his mouth.
So Disney has made a bunch of movies with different cultures and races so that no one would be offended. There has been talk that Disney should make and gay and lesbian story. I have a suggestion. They should make Canadian Lesbian/gay wolf anthropomorphic movies.
So I've greatly underestimated how cuddly I really am.
I looked at too many cute things. I now have eyeabetes.
The major difference between these pictures is:
With Batman and Super man, there is no way in hell that yaoi would occur. Batman is Batman and Superman is Superman. It's wrong in every sense.
Now, with Captain and Iron man, everything in the yaoi fandom points to one thing. "They SHOULD be together". And given enough alcohol, it would.
I realized that there are better things to do with my life. Being useless is just the most entertaining.
This is a usual night for me.
Me: Hmm.. It's midnight. I should sleep. *looks at computer* But I haven't updated my story all day... *updates for an hour*
Sister: *asks to use computer*
Me: Okay. I'll just stay awake til your done.
*2 hours later*
Me: Okay. 3 in the morning. I should get some shut eye... Hm... You know, I haven't had chicken salad in a long time.. I'm craving some.. Do we have any? *checks fridge* No? Just ingredients? I'll just make some.
*half hour later*
Me: Okay. Belly full. Sleep time. *sees movie on desk* ... Ayla bought me that for my birthday and I haven't watched it yet... Now what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't? I demand justice!
*3 hours later*
Okay. Done with movie. What time is it? 6:30 am?
BED TIME!
I'm going to attempt the strange human ritual known as sleep
Give me delicious noise to ingest.
My own logic escaped me again.
Me: I don't like vore...
Friend: Why?
Me: I don't know.. It's scary.
Friend: But you like cannibalism...
Me: Well yeah. With vore, you have to eat someone whole. At least with cannibalism you have to cut them up.
Why the fuck was I so obsessed with Maximillion Pegasus?
Oh right.. Bad guy.. Tuxedos..
Watching Red Dragon.
Anthony Hopkins just said "Oodles"...
*fangasm*
I've had to pee for the last 2 hours...But tumblr is still here...
It's 10:51 in the morning.. Why the hell am I awake?
Found another reason why I like Tom Hiddleston more than Tom Felton. Tom F. spells "u"'s and "urself". Tom H. spells every word.
If I turn around in my rollie chair, my dog follows me so that she can stare at me while I eat. WHY DOES EVERYONE ENJOY WATCHING ME EAT.
Steve Irwin was my hero. It was like I was Agent Diaz and he was Captain Australia.
Oh darn! You should have come eariler! I had plenty of fucks to give 3 days ago! Now... There's not even one.
You know what I love about Phil Coulson? The fact that everywhere you see him, he's a badass agent that will shock you with a taser and not give no fucks, but then he sees Captain America and reverts to an awkward hyperventilating schoolgirl.
So I just noticed that I rub my face as if I had a beard/stubble when I'm concentrating or forming an opinion in my head...
Damnit.
I wonder if I ever got dubbed by the queen, if she would listen to my request to dub me "Sir".
Mumford and Sons has given me a huge love and appreciation for banjos.
Friends little brother: Dani is weird..
Me: *takes phone* So you think I'm weird?
Friends brother: Shut up and make me a sandwich
Me: Sure. But first I'll have to bend you over.
Friends brother: Wha-
Me: And then I'll make you the filling to me and some black guy's sandwich.
Person asks: What is the most attractive part of a man to you?
Me: Lower back.
Person: Lol like their butt?
Me: No. The small of their back. That small area right before their butt. The one with the curve up their spine and hips that just lead into it.
*ayla asked why I think she would forgive them if someone raped her*
Because you are a gentle soul and after a while of shock and tears would try to find it in your heart to forgive said rapist. I, on the other hand, would be full of hate, rage and blood lust that there would be nothing left but the pieces in my pizza.
Me: I feel like one day I'm going to be married to a beautiful woman, and then I'm going to wake up one morning and be pregnant. And then I shall bare the next Jesus. But no like, seriously. God's guna come down to me and be like "Dani, I have given you the next coming of Christ-" and ima be like "yo. Hold up. So you're telling me that the lesbian who doesn't want kids is going to raise the next jesus?" And he'll be like. "Well... yeah but-" and ima say "goddamnit." And he'll be like "what?! No!"
Him: Can he be a black bby jesus?
Me:No. He's going to be a ginger black baby jesus.
Him: seriously...please give this world the next messiah in black ginger form
Me: but ryaaan... I don't want to be impregnated....
Him:Then let your hot wife do it...either way, please raise this new, awesome messiah
Me: And people will think I'm a whore, or she's a whore and I'm okay with it
Him: artificial insemination is a thing...
And if baby jesus doesnt work for you, have her impregnated by the force instead and bring about the next darth vader
Me: But when me and my hot wife don't want kids? Or what if I marry Tom Hiddleston? Is he going to bare my black ginger babies?
Him: I have no doubt you'll want kids eventually...and if that happens, you can get a surrogate to bare the child
Me: But what if I want Tom to bare my children?
Him: that's kind of cruel...
Me: Or what if he gets pregnant with black ginger baby jesus? God and I are going to go to court for custody rights!
Him: You really need sleep...
Me: I really do... ryan, will you be my black ginger baby jesus's god father?
Him:I shall
Me: thank you. If I die, custody goes to you and Tom and not god.
I think a good 48 hours of sleep would fix this
Him: God parents only come into play if both die...
Me: Then take care of Tom until he dies. And then take care of black ginger baby jesus
You both are like angler fish. He just needs to now attach himself to your vagina. So he can supply sperm and you will supply eggs and nourishment
Me: you're yellow.. greenish yellow.. now you're regular colors.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXgx-4H5RRg&feature=share
Renown explorers and scientists Ayla Mae Andrade and Benjymin Charles Weston ventured into the dark abyss known as Youtube (scientific name Youbius Tubius) and came back with this rare specimen. They welcome you to view their find.
Ayla: HONEY I'M HOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEE!
Me: DARLIN'!! I WAITED ALL NIGHT FOR YOU! Jus where HAAVEE you ben?
Ayla: Ninja-ing in the night.
Me: Mmmmhhmmmm. Tha's what they all say. You were off with that tom cat Sasuke, weren't chu? I warned you about him! Ain't no Uchiha goin' near mah babeh!
Ayla: I can't help it sometimes, Momma. He jus so wonderful an' charmin'... I can't help myself. An' he's all mysterious like and it jus give me the chills jus thinkin' 'bout it.
Me: AylaMae Andrade, you heed yo mamma's word. Ain't nothing good comin' from pallin' around with that boy. Why not go hang out with that nice young man Sai? At least he's not hangin' around Suigetsu.. That damned Canadian ain't good for nothing.
Ayla: But Momma, Sai is a nice fella and aw, but he ain't nothin' like Sasuke. Besides, Sai is aw'ready engaged to Naruto's cousin, Aria. She a sweet thang an' I dun wan' nothin' to come inbetween our friendship.
Me: Then why not that golden boy? He seems like a sweet fella. Heard him yearnin' somethin' fierce for little Miss Aria's love.. But she gave him not another bat of an eye lash. Maybe you can lead his heart back home.
Ayla: I dunno, Momma. Golden Boy is sweet, but he looking just too damn clingy for me. You know I feel about them clingy fellas. Aw I want is Sasuke's heart, ain't' nothin' else. Why can't chyu understand my love for him?
Me: Because baby. I know boys like him. Ain't nothing but dark nonsense on their mind. *sigh* Though listen to me, ramblin' on about the bad boys never goin' good. Your daddy use to be bad too. 'S why I loved him like I ain't loved nothin'. But that there boy Naruto changed his heart.. Maybe you can do the same for Sasuke. Yo actual daddy. Not yo step daddy Tom.
Ayla: Why do we think this way?
Me: Because you are Ayla. A succubus from another dimension that writes amazing fanfiction and uses anime to appease her gods, and I am Dani. A being from another dimension that uses her alter dimension forms to control this planet. Together.. We shall rule...
WORD OF THE DAY!!! -insert yay-
Gigglybop - (verb) When something inappropriate appears before you and you start giggling uncontrollably, then have to consciously remind yourself that you are an adult.
"Dude, I was reading this manga and I totally gigglybopped!"
"There was a picture of a butt and I started gigglybopping..."
"Bro. Gigglybop."
Him: I was speaking in terms of a metaphorical dick, he had to go and be serious
Me: Did you just call me a he? Cause if you did I love you.
Him: are you not a he?
Him: ._.
Me: No. No I am not. And I love you forever. AYLA! HE THINKS I"M A GUY! I TOLD YOU I LOOK LIKE A GUY!
I find this odd.
Now, bare with me. This is not because of Loki (however many of you want to think so). No, this has been a thought of mine forever.
I've always wanted to be a villain. Always. I just wanted to be bad for so long. I wanted to walk up to someone and punch them in the face, and rule the world with an iron fist, while having an arch foe that I must battle constantly to obtain world domination.
I still do. But I am far to empathetic to do so.
Damnit humanity.
I let Bed, Sleep and Dreams go out to party all night so that I could sit here with Insomnia and watch Woman in Black. Insomnia is drunk now and won't leave. He invited Paranoia in and they're making scary noises around the house...
Them: and at that moment I swear we were forgetting you are stuck in a tree
Me: Forgetting, and using that tree as a bond fire. Lighting it where it stands.
Deirdre: Do you get confused with night and day?
Me: No.
Deirdre: If you look outside, what time of day is it?
Me: *looks outside* Afternoon.
Dei: No Dani. It's 8 in the morning.
*both start laughing*
Grand Theft Cubans. Mission one: Steal your mothers car. Drive to Deirdre Hill's house and kill 4 people. Gain 2 stars. Pick up pregnant girl and drive back without killing yourself or her or damaging the car.
I sooo have a soul! It's just... small. And easily mistaken for a carrot.
Tell him to shut the fuck up
Or else you're going to shove your placenta down his throat
And if he asks what that is, go into a very detailed description
Now we see the mysterious creature "Dani", scientific name Satanicus Hitlerus Batus manus Bruceius Waynikus BenjyminCharlesWestonasius, wandering out of the cover of her cave.. Look how her eyes scatter over the landscape in search of any predator... Looklooklook! We now see her going over to the MailBox... She's been recorded doing this once a day except for on Sundays. Researchers are still baffled as to what this ritual means.
I shall protect you.
I'm like an awkward condom
That watches you in your sleep
The series of noises and movements I just made could only be compare to a dying parasite ridden space manatee.
Me: Did you bring my cookie dough?
Mom: Oh no! I forgot, I'm sorry.
Me: *whine* Mooom.. I'm periodating...
Mom: Do you need Ibuprofen?
Me: I need cookie dough...
Panties are a figment of our imagination created by Voltaire and Tom Hiddleston to make us feel better about them gracing us with their presence
My thought process from the bathroom to the kitchen was "Ah... I'm thirsty. I'ma get a drink. I want garlic bread. It's midnight? Thats a perfect time to make cookies!"
*me trying to convince my friend not to watch the Walking Dead*
Don't do it, Ayla! You know the evil that lies within those rotting eyes! I know you can hear their temptation through their groans and screams, but try to resist! Do as I have! They wish to claim your soul and feast upon your flesh! IT'S A TRAP!
I-... I've lost them all... AM I THEY ONLY ONE LEFT!? DOES GOD SHOW NO MERCY TO A LONE SOUL IN A FIELD OF THE LIVING DEAD!? Can I survive this land while everyone I've ever loved rots and stumbles!? So soft is this light above me, it torments me so! Showing the faces of the dead friends I once knew! I'm sorry, dearly departed, walking husks! I WILL NEVER GIVE IN TO YOUR WAY OF UNLIFE!
I wish people would stop thinking too deeply on the emotional aspect of scenes in a movie. I mean, I can only cry so much before I run out of feels.
Deirdre's right. The new Time Lord will be me. Now he will take form of a chubby hispanic girl who's still not ginger.
So anyone who knows me knows that I'm a contradiction.
Example: I love cannibals, but hate zombies.
So allow me to edit who I am.
I am Satan, who is also Hitler, who is disguised as Batman, who is really Bruce Wayne, who's alter ego is is a british therapist named Dr. Benjymin Charles Weston, who covers his tracks by being an 18 year old girl named Dani, who is actually a Starburst.
friend: What flavor?
dad: doesnt sound like candy more like nuts
Lemon.
Candy filled with nuts? Like, its sweet and delicious but you don't want to like it because
A.) You're allergic to nuts
B.) Nuts are technically good for you.
My thoughts on The Hollow Crown Henry V..... My God, never more has a beautiful man peered into my wake. Doth light dare flitter in my eyes? But soft is this glow, so soft is he who holds my heart warm in winter snow... I pray to what deity should take my soul when I pass, be it in Heaven or Hell and give me to him as a rewarding penance. To forever remain loyal to one and one alone; He, who's smiles beam and who's hands doth cup mine. May he take love and life and claim it his, I shall be happy. Forever more, I shall be happy.
I have a new theory.
Almost everyone on earth is a zombie and the only reason I'm not is because I'm the final sacrifice.
It sounds like there's 5 bats fighting outside and a crow is the referee.
Reasons why Steffie is my best friend:
She is the only person I know that would laugh, just as hard as I was, for 6 hours.. To some serious Shakespeare.
So I WAS going to go to bed in my bed, but my cat decided to lay down in my lap and go to sleep so I guess I'm sleeping on the couch.
Damnit.
*addressing my friend's newborn*
Ronan, I am your Olympic hat wearing wife dad grandfather uncle who indeed wears skates.
In your (my friend) case I would be your wife husband dad brother.
I feel like Tony Stark would bang a guy just to say he did. Like
Reporter: Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark! Paparazzi saw you and an unknown male making out and heading up to your hotel room. Is this true?
Tony: Well duh. I can't say no to a pretty face.
Reporter: Does this mean you admit to being homosexual?
Tony: No. He was just hot.
Part of my attraction to people is how well I can picture them in a suit and mustache.
Sometimes I think I should open a beanery.
I'll call it The BEANER-ie
A headache sent from and by the Devil himself, wrapped up in polka-dot ribbon has been placed in my head. Oh, and the searing anger fueled by today's thoughts apparently made me order it.
"A salute to Ron Jeremy in a bowl." Is never how I want my food to be described.
Darran: Watched the Avengers again today.
That Hiddleston, he's got a smile like a weasel in a hen coop.
You see him, and you want him to take your eggs XD
Me: SEE!? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
You are a male because he destroyed your ovaries long ago.
New theory.
Men exist because Tom Hiddleston destroyed their ovaries with his smile long ago.
Darran: but I also came here to shop at Dani's Emporium of Hella Hot Hentai :P
Me: Dani's Emporium of Hella Hot Hentai got a wrong order D: Dani's Tom Hiddles Emporium ordered ten thousand boxes of Tom Hiddleston and accidentally mailed it to us. We also have a shipment of Roberts, Tony's and Loki's and they're all currently gang banging.
Darran: hold on one second. *hops onboard a concord jet, flys to brazil and skydives out over Rio de Janeiro, so I can flying headbutt my face into the hand of the Christ the Redeemer in order to create a suitable level of facepalm for that statement. After two years of spinal fusion surgeries and physical therapy, I return.
K, back. So.... Is there hentais now?
Me: Nope. Tom Hiddleston and I got married in your absence and opened a Tom-Foolery Emporium. We have all the finest Dappery and nick-nacks that'll surely toggle your nob.
I think my nickname should be "The D"... Can you imagine conversations?
*Person A on the phone with person B*
Person A: Oh cool. So who are you with now?
Person B: My girlfriend. I'm taking her to the vet's office and introducing her to The D.
Person A: .... What?! You're doing THAT at an animal hospital?!
Person B: What? She talks to The D all the time. She never got to meet her.
Person A: Her?!
Person B: ... Dani.
Person A: Ah- Oh... OH! The "D" as is Da-... Got it.
Meg: I refuse to believe Chris Hemsworth did that.(had sex) He's too adorable. So how was his daughter made?
Me: she was forged in the heart of a dying star.
Megan just referred to me as plush... not sure what the correct emotional response is."
When ever I talk about Tom Hiddles, it is now referred to as a Tomversation.
Dani-ism
Dani-ism 2
Dani-ism 3
Dani-ism 4
Dani-ism 5
Dani-ism 6
Dani-ism 7
Dani-ism 8
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