Cramps Checklist

Of the many fears hammered into us during childhood, one of the most persistent and horrifying is the theory which states that if you go into the water shortly after eating you will develop stomach cramps and drown. There did not seem to be any way of getting around the fatal nature of this theory: if you went swimming too soon you died.

The natural neurotic extension of this question of how long one should wait before taking to the water. How can you tell when you're ready? Does how long you have to wait have anything to do with what type of food you have just eaten?

Here is a handy list to post next to the tide tables or the No Running Near the Pool sign. It tells you how long you must wait after eating certain bench-mark foods. The times are not approximate, they are exact.

Popsicle (and flavor) ~ 30 seconds
Jell-O ~ 1 minute
Jell-O with bananas in suspension ~ 20 minutes
Watercress sandwich ~ 3 and a half minutes
Martini ~ 5 minutes
Martini with olive ~ 8 minutes
Frozen Milky Way ~ 12 minutes
Burger, fries, coke ~ 25 minutes
Tuna casserole ~ 40 minutes
Baked beans ~ 2 and a half hours
Pop-tarts ~ 3 hours (each)
McDonald's apple pie ~ Wait till next summer.

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